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Clips from The Simpsons - The Monkey Suit (S17E17)

"my most cherished beliefs, a myth?"
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"Daddy, was mommy a monkey?"
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"Everything is what it was and always will be!"
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"God put us here and that's that."
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"That was god disguised as a stork."
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"It's all god."
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"Please bless daddy and mommy..."
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"stop praying to that stork!"
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"They're telling people we're descended from a pack of apes."
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"Even though there's nothing about it in the bible."
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"Well... our membership has been dwindling"
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"since those episcopalians put in those vibrating pews."
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"We need to mobilize our flock."
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"I'll be a white Al Sharpton."
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"And what if I say no?"
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"I believe you leased your Camry from christian brothers auto."
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"No! That was a once-in-a-lifetime APR!"
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"Class, starting today, we will be presenting"
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"an alternative theory on the origin of man."
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"But that's not science."
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"Are oceans god's tears?"
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"They sure are."
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"Now Lisa's the Ralph."
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"How can you teach the book of genesis as a scientific theory?"
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"This helpful video will evade all your questions."
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"Let's say hi to two books."
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"The other, "the origin of species,""
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"was written by a cowardly drunk named charles Darwin."
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"This is slander."
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"Darwin was one of the greatest minds of all time."
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"Then why is he making out with satan?"
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"Evolution is widely acknowledged as scientific fact."
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"It's even accepted by prominent conservatives"
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"like George will and the late pope John Paul."
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"That's something to think about."
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"The George will?"
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"Children, drown her out with whistling and arm flatulence."
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"All I'm saying is..."
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"What's wrong, sweetie?"
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"Today we had a test, and every answer was "god did it.""
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"Well, I think it's good to give both ideas a fair hearing."
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"You father says he's at work, but there he is jumping on a trampoline."
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"Mom, you really have to choose here between science and belief."
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"Well, then I choose..."
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"so, according to creationism, there were no cavemen."
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"Good riddance."
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"Their drawings suck and they look like hippies."
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"My mind is always open to new ideas."
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"Onions?!"
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"In the peas?!"
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"What the hell!"
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"if they're just running in to buy smokes"
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"or maybe some pop tarts for tomorrow."
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"And if there's no further business,"
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"I hereby declare this meeting..."
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"I have an issue I'd like to raise."
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"Last week, the unscientific theory of creationism"
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"was introduced alongside evolution in Springfield public schools."
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"Evolution and creationism cannot coexist, people."
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"It is time to go back to teaching one single truth."
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"Homer's son's sister's right."
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"Class, the town has spoken."
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"while I beat this ominous drum."
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"There seems to be a note on your locker!"
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"From a secret admirer, perhaps."
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"Don't make me laugh."
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""Dear seekers of truth:"
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""Meet in the school's single-purpose room tomorrow at lunch."
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""Rationally yours, L.M.S.""
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""L.M.S.""
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"Why does everybody call me that?"
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"Bunch of snot-faced pukebags."
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"I will be reading to you from the original of species by Charles Darwin."
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"We're over here."
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"You all have a nice day."
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""Chapter one: When we compare the individuals"
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""of the same variety"
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""or sub-variety of our older cultivated plants and animals...""
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"Lisa Simpson, you're under arrest"
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"you live! You die!"
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"This is Kent Brockman, reporting live from the trial"
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"And prosecuting the case against Lisa"
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"As the little chicken said to his mama,"
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""I just hope I don't 'cluck up.'""
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"I think it's fair to say if that man doesn't win,"
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"I'm resigning from the jury."
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"This is Kent Brockman, juror number seven, saying,"
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"No, of course not."
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"with less power than the undersecretary of agriculture,"
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"who has very little power in our system."
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"Now, sir, you are a scientist, correct?"
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"That's right. I have a phd in truthology from christian tech."
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"I got a new hero!"
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"Yeah, this'll last about a day."
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"Pure hogwash."
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"But when we look at the fossil record, here's what we see."
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"Why, I believe, right now, this gentleman's having dinner"
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"This is the break in the case we've been waiting for!"
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"Well, I've heard enough for today."
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"I have to judge a wet t-shirt contest in 20 minutes."
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"Ah, this trial is the biggest load of..."
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"For crying out loud!"
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"Evolution?!"
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"My, my, my."
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"Poor bambi."
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"Poor thumper..."
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"I'm sorry, mom."
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"I should have just gone with the flow, like you said."
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"Well, I might as well see what all the fuss is about."
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"I'm not even here."
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"Wow, Darwin's argument is incredibly persuasive,"
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"and his ship was the beagle, which reminds me of snoopy, my favorite peanut!"
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"So do I!"
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"Milhouse will serve the time for you while you flee to Mexico."
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"Your new name: Senorita Ugly."
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"You can take off the wig, Mihouse."
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"Now, Mr. Flanders, you're familiar with the bible, correct?"
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"Don't worry, Lisa."
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"I've got the answer to your problems right here."
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"Look, Homie, I brought you a beer."
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