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Clips from The Golden Girls - Second Motherhood (S01E01)

"You cook them dinner, they spill it on the furniture."
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"They hide under your bed. You hurt yourself looking for them."
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"They ask you what those spots on your hands are."
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"They tell you they love you and then just before total exhaustion sets in,"
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"they go home and become their mother's problems."
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"What about the good things, like Mother's Day?"
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"Oh, the Mother's Days we used to have on the farm."
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"First of all, the kids would wake me up by brushing our cat, Mr. McTavish,"
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"against my ear."
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"Then they'd give me breakfast in bed - Belgian waffles and buttermilk."
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"And then they'd paint faces on their socks"
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"and do a little puppet show called "Elf Kingdom. ""
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"And then everybody would tickle each other"
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"until the whole family was throwing up together."
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"Oh, dear. I'm just so confused."
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"Oh, honey, listen. You need more time."
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"Right now you're too upset to make the right decision."
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"Maybe you could spend a few days with Richard and his children."
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"- See how it goes. - Oh, I don't know."
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"What if they hate me? What if I hate them?"
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"Honey, what if you all end up liking each other?"
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"Yeah, I guess I could at least give it a chance."
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"OK, and that's what I'm gonna do."
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"Dorothy, I got to talk to you. I owe you a big apology."
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"For what, Ma?"
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"For what I said before. About you not knowing a thing about plumbing."
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"Dorothy, you're a genius."
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"Ma, wait a minute. What are you talking about?"
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"I walk into the living room and there's a toilet in front of the television set."
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"It's an old lady's dream come true!"
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"Grasp the valve tightly with your hand."
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"OK."
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"Turn it clockwise until scum gathers on your elbow joint."
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"Oh, I'm sorry, I skipped page 62."
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"Listen, Rose... Rose, this is not working!"
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"We've been here a whole week and nothing has gone right!"
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"I'm ready to throw in the wrench and start using"
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"the Texaco station down the street!"
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"Dorothy, don't panic. You just need a break."
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"Why don't we just wash our hands and have a nice cup of tea."
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"Rose! Turn it off!"
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"I can't make it stop!"
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"Very nice job, ladies."
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"- Who let you in here? - I did. Lucky I had his card!"
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"Looks like we've taken a few wrong turns here."
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"For your information, this is exactly the way we wanted it to look."
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"Look, Lou, we really don't need your help."
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"I mean, trying to fix it yourself was cute,"
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"but you proved your point and it's time to let a man take over."
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"- I'm with Lou. - Get your coat. Lou is leaving."
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"Hey, not so hard! I work with my hands!"
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"You're making a big mistake. The man may be a moron,"
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"- but he knows how to fix a toilet! - It's fine with me."
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"The longer I let you do it yourself,"
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"the more I'm gonna get paid when you finally call."
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"Yeah, well, I have news for you, Lou. We are not calling. Ever!"
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"You ladies haven't seen the last of me. And you want to know why?"
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"Because, as we say in the plumbing game, it's nev..."
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"Oh, a few minutes ago. What a day! I'm exhausted."
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"- Oh, where did you go? - Bermuda!"
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"Richard had a last-minute appointment, so it was just me and the kids."
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"Oh, we had a terrific time though - swimming and playing and talking."
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"They're lovely children."
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"- Does this mean you'll marry Richard? - I don't know."
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"I don't understand. If you and the kids hit it off, then what's the problem?"
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"Well, I hardly ever see Richard."
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"Today was the third time this week he's had a last-minute meeting"
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"and I had to spend the day with the kids."
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"- He's a busy man. - Too busy."
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"Even little Richard came up to me and said,"
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""Now, don't worry. This happens all the time. ""
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"Little Richard was in Bermuda?"
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"Yes, Rose. He was burying Fats Domino in the sand."
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"Go ahead, Blanche."
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"Richard's always talking about how much his children mean to him."
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"And I know they do, but, you know, he hardly has time for them."
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"Or for me."
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"I'm starting to wonder if maybe the main reason he wants me"
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"for his wife is because he needs a mother for his children."
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"Honey, if you think that's true, you'd better find out."
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"I intend to. I'm gonna ask him straight out at dinner tonight."
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"I just hope he has the answer I want to hear."
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"No. No, no."
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"Don't worry, I'll be there tomorrow. We'll handle the situation."
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"Tell Gresham we can get together next week."
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"No, he'll have to come here. I can't go to the coast."
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"No, we're gonna have to try to keep that whole week clear for my honeymoon."
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"Some time around the 17th."
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"lif you can close it, all right, do so. Call me. I'm on the plane."
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"Sorry, dear."
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"To Blanche Deveraux, the most wonderful woman in the world."
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"- Now, Richard, you stop that. - No, I mean it."
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"And my kids agree with me. They're really crazy about you."
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"Richard, there's something I have to ask you."
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"- I have something to ask you, too. - OK, you first."
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"Where would you like to go on our honeymoon?"
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"I thought I'd surprise you and take you to Paris,"
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"but then I started thinking. Maybe you don't like Paris."
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"Maybe you'd rather cruise to the islands or visit the Orient."
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"Richard."
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"Oh, I just love the way that ring looks on you."
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"So do I."
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"- Richard? - Mm?"
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"You know I am very, very fond of you,"
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"but I think we have a problem."
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"A problem? Let's look at it."
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"When you first proposed to me, the thing that scared me the most"
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"was the idea of being a mother again. Especially to such small children."
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"I wasn't sure I could do it."
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"In fact, I wasn't sure I even wanted to do it."
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"But then I got to know the kids and I realized they aren't the issue."
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"I'm third in your life."
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"Richard, you know your work comes first, then the children, then me."
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"And that kind of marriage just can't work. At least, it can't for me."
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"Blanche, I can be there for all of you."
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"I can do it. I've been able to do just about anything I set my mind to."
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"I know I can do this too."
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"Richard, nobody can do it all."
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"Now, as well as I get along with those kids, they need you."
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"They're growing up without you, Richard, and it's hurting them."
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