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Clips from A Series of Unfortunate Events - Grim Grotto: Part 1 (S03E03)

"Hello, I'm looking to steal a submarine."
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"I mean, borrow a submarine."
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"In case you were wondering,"
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"I'm just a typical family man on vacation with my lovely wife--"
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"-My handsome daughter-- -I'm not handsome! I'm adorable."
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"-I said I was sorry! -Sh!"
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"As I was saying, we're taking a family vacation"
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"to the bottom of the sea to hunt orphans,"
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"which is a normal activity that many families do."
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"Yep, just a normal family"
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"that I'm happy to share with you if you have any questions,"
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"or if you've noticed that I resemble"
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"Esmé Squalor?"
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"No, that's not my name."
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"My name is some other thing I haven't told you yet."
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"Are you Esmé Squalor?"
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"-Who's asking? -Your submarine's ready."
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"My submarine?"
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"Our most terrifying submarine for one Esmé Squalor."
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"They prepaid."
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"Just this captain's hat."
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"-I'll take it! -They said she was captain."
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"Oh!"
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"Oh, well, this is "in"!"
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"I'll make it up to you, boss. Who do you want me to kill?"
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"Your sub's the one with the tentacles."
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"We heard about a sugar bowl."
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"Esmé Squalor was searching for it at the Heimlich Hospital."
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"She was taking it to V.F.D. headquarters in the Mortmain Mountains."
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"We went there. They burnt down."
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"I know. And the sugar bowl fell into Stricken Stream,"
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"where it was carried out to sea."
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"That is why the Queequeg is the only hope of finding it."
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"-What's so important about the sugar bowl? -Both sides of the schism are after it."
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"Some say it's the reason for the schism itself."
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"and you don't need to know."
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"I don't take orders unless I know the facts."
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"How about we all just focus on finding it,"
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"He's in charge of meals, though his cooking's a little heavy"
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"-on the chewing gum. -Hey, Cookie! Get out here!"
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"Baudelaires!"
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"Oh, what are you doing here?"
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"Oh, I really don't mind what people call me."
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"I'm glad you got out of that terrible lumber mill."
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"I was sure I could find a better job than "unpaid mill worker.""
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"And look at me now. I am a cook on an understaffed submarine!"
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"Life keeps getting better and better!"
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"-No, no, no. That healed ages ago! -Then what happened to your leg?"
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"It was eaten by a shark. Yeah."
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"It was extremely painful,"
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"but on the bright side,"
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"most people never get to see such a dangerous animal up close."
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"What's for dinner, Cookie?"
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"I don't like to say anything bad about anyone's cooking, even mine, so I won't."
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"Tonight's casserole is extremely chewy."
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"-Chewy? -It's just gum."
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"What my sister means is she recently took up an interest in cooking."
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"She'd be happy to help you in the kitchen."
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"I'd appreciate that. I have no idea what I'm doing!"
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"while I show Klaus the library."
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"-What can I do? -Do you have any special skills?"
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"My sister's a mechanical genius."
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"Well, I'm pretty mechanically-minded myself, so the boat's in ship-shape."
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""He who hesitates is lost.""
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"-So let's not hesitate, Baudelaires. - Aye-aye."
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""He who hesitates is lost" isn't a very useful philosophy."
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"There are plenty of times where it's better to stop and think."
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"I guess that's harder to fit on a plaque."
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"We should hesitate now."
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"instead of floating around looking for a sugar bowl."
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"I want to, but there's something about her that rubs me the wrong way."
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"Really?"
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"'Cause I think she's a lot like you."
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"I know you're worried about Quigley, but I'm sure he's safe."
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"fell into a stream when you were separated from your friends,"
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"then made it back to the city on skis you carved out of tree bark?"
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"Frankly, I find that difficult to swallow."
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"I'm an orphan. My friends are orphans too."
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"That's why I came to the Department of Orphan Affairs."
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"Yes?"
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"No."
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"The color puce."
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"No, thank you."
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"Hm."
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"Are you gonna help me find my friends?"
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"I'm sorry, but I simply don't have the time to look for orphans"
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"who lack the good sense to stay put."
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"And don't get me started about the Quagmires."
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"I'm looking for the Baudelaires. I'm Quigley Quagmire."
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"which seems to be going around."
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"Now, my new secretary will help you find the door."
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"I am not the secretary,"
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"and my name is not Jacqueline, but I might be able to help you."
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"For years, people have called me a villain and a criminal."
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"But I never understood until now"
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"just how terrifying it is to be under the control"
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"super mean and really, really bossy--"
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"-Ow! -Don't be such a baby."
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"That's why they bought me this submarine and hat."
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"A captain's hat does not make you a captain!"
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"And it's a rental."
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"-Olaf, are you in one of your moods? -We should be hunting Baudelaires,"
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"of chasing those orphans"
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"This time, we are going after what I want."
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"The sugar bowl."
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"Besides, just think of this as family time."
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"Look at me! Look, Countie!"
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"-with everybody rushing around... -Look! Look!"
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"-to really be together. -Look at me!"
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"Darling, you look adorable!"
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"Doesn't she look adorable?"
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"But Countie,"
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"I need a special outfit to rehearse for my special tap-dancing-"
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"where the swan gets run over"
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"Aww!"
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"Oh! Oh!"
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"Woo!"
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"Where do you think you're going?"
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"To drown my sorrows,"
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"before I drown a fairy princess."
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