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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Bracelet (S01E01)

"Of course, both would be great. That would be ideal."
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"If you were watching the Oscars or something, okay..."
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"and they were about to announce the best-actress category..."
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"I would say, "No, sit down, finish watching it.""
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"I think if you had been gone on a trip..."
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"I could make two minutes for you..."
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"to listen to what happened, and see how you're doing."
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"easily, I'd give you 15 minutes."
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"But we're in the last two minutes of the game."
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"They've got the ball on the 35-yard line."
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"You know, the moment has passed. There's nothing we can do about it now."
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"How many frequent-flier miles do I need?"
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"I'm gonna call you back."
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"Hi."
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"Phil Scheff called. He said you can call him whenever you want."
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"- What are you wearing? - I'm gonna work out later."
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"You can't wear that. What happened to the outfit I got you last week?"
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"I'm uncomfortable in it. It's too new."
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"Wait a second."
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"- All right, what's going on? - Nothing."
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"No, something's up with you."
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"Cheryl's not talking to me, that's all."
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"- It's no big deal. - All right, what did you do?"
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"I was watching the football game. She'd been away for four days."
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"She comes home with two minutes left to go in the game..."
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"- You can't come home empty-handed. - Yeah."
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"We were at this jewelry store a couple of weeks ago..."
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"23rd Street Jewelers, and she was looking at this bracelet..."
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"and it was platinum, it had little diamonds in it."
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"Yeah, that's it."
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"That's what I was afraid of."
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"You're that chicken I'orange guy."
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"- How you doing? - Good, how are you?"
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"- Good to see you. - Nice to see you."
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"Thanks a lot for that chicken, that was highly appreciated."
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"- Did you like it? - Man, I loved it!"
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"- You wouldn't have any spare change? - No."
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"Anna?"
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"Here's a piece of gum."
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"- Okay, take care of yourself. - Okay."
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"- No. - I wasn't with that guy."
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"I'm not with him."
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"These are my workout clothes!"
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"Excuse me, sir, could you do me a favor?"
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"and if a man answers, hand it back to me, okay?"
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"- Are you putting me on? - No."
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"What is this about?"
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"I hate my friend's girlfriend. I don't wanna talk to her."
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"Please. Thank you."
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"- It's a guy. - Thank you very much."
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"Richard?"
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"What are you doing now?"
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"I need you to do me a big favor."
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"L.D."
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"- Hey. - Hey, man."
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"No wonder. Look at you."
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"What?"
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"You look like the Jewish Ratso Rizzo."
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"I was gonna work out. Thank you for doing this."
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"I mean, all right..."
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"- Thank you. - You're welcome."
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"- The bracelet is in the front. - That's the first thank you in over two years."
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"I want you to know."
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"You haven't done anything to thank you for."
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"Good point."
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"- So the bracelet is right in the front. - Right."
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"It's platinum, it's got little diamonds."
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"- Is there a name like "Pluto's Tail"? - I don't know the name of it."
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"- Of what? - Of the display case."
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"- It's prominent. - Is it on one of the velvet neck things?"
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"- Yeah, it's right in the front center... - No, it's a necklace..."
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"It's a bracelet. It's not on a hand."
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"It has to either be on a hand or on a mannequin."
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"Why'd I ever call this guy?"
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"Give me some bread, all right."
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"Use your credit card. I'll pay you back later today, I promise."
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"Thank you."
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"- Good planning. - Shit."
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"I'll do this. I'll do it."
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"But I'm hungry and we'll come back."
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"We'll come back, let's go eat."
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"- Where do you want to go? - I don't know."
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"It's so gorgeous out, we haven't talked, let's walk."
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"You want to walk?"
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"It's about 25 minutes, a half hour it'll take us."
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"I never walked in New York."
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"It's only about 20 minutes. I need it for my cardiovascular."
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"I told you, 25 relatives had heart attacks in my family."
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"- Do me one, let me walk. - Okay, please."
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"I'm not lying."
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"Why do you think? We're men, right, and men need it more."
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"No, it's not about that. I got it."
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"by our genitalia..."
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"that they have to be in love with us to have it."
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"Because penises don't look as attractive, and that's why..."
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"They have to really love the man to get involved with their penis..."
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"No, I think it's a good theory."
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"It's a disgusting theory at lunch, I'll tell you that."
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"We're already finished, so it doesn't matter."
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"- Thanks for lunch, by the way. - You're welcome, what is this?"
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"There's a space here to tip a captain?"
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"A captain? Instead of a waiter?"
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"No, both."
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"There's a space for a captain, and a space for a waiter."
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"So, you give both."
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"What do you mean I give both? What am I supposed to give?"
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"You give the waiter what you want and the captain half."
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"Half of the waiter's? Half of my 20 percent allotment to the waiter?"
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"- Allotment? - I have 20 percent allotted to the waiter."
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"Sound like you're in the schmata business."
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"The captain's gonna be horning in now on my allotment?"
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"So, it's 30 percent, is that what you're saying?"
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"20 and 10."
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"- 20 and 10? - Yeah."
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"I think I saw. The guy at the podium. He pointed."
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"The captain's horning in on the waiter, 'cause most people are probably..."
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"reducing the tip to the waiter..."
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"- You think he's horning? - I do."
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"That's hilarious."
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"- You're not leaving anything? - I'm giving the waiter 30 percent."
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