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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Our Cup Runneth Over (S01E01)

"It is charming. It is quaint. It's like out of a storybook."
Schitt's Creek
"Alexis, what the hell is the matter with you?"
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"Stavros is flying in to get me,"
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"and I am going to go live with him for a little bit."
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"Well, that is not happening."
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"And I am appalled that my baby girl has turned into a selfish, duplicitous whore!"
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"Oh, hello!"
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"Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today."
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"Anyway, I read about you guys and everything you've gone through."
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"It sounds super crappy."
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"Super crappy?"
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"I had a second cousin in Elmdale who did telemarketing."
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"He made a ton of money."
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"Turns out his entire business was illegal, and he lost everything."
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"Hmm. Not quite the same."
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"Yeah. No, he went to prison, which is terrible, but..."
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"But he is learning Spanish."
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"No mas, le duele! I think it means, "Stop, it hurts.""
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"Oh, wonderful anecdote. Could you give us a moment, please?"
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"Whenever you're ready. I'm just right over here."
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"I forbid you to abandon our family."
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"I am a grown woman, mother."
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"This is the act of a spoiled child!"
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"I think it's unforgivable!"
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"Also, you have a big thing of dandruff on your eyebrow."
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"- Don't do that! - Kids, stop, stop!"
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"The world is falling apart around us, John, and I'm dying inside."
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"Well, I'm feeling a little queasy myself."
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"Oh, brisket!"
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"- Give me some space! - David!"
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"John."
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"- Oh, my God! - Um..."
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"These rooms did have doors, didn't they?"
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"It's a motel! These are motel rooms."
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"What stuff? There's no stuff to take."
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"I have stuff!"
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"Son of a bitch!"
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"- If this is about doors... - Yeah, it's about doors."
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"Yeah, my doors are gone, my front door. Somebody stole my doors!"
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"Yeah, you're gonna have to talk to Roland about that."
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"He lives just down the street."
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"You make a left out of the motel and then another left."
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"It's a house with a truck in the driveway."
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"There's a bumper sticker of a naked Helen Mirren."
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"Oh, my God, no! No! No!"
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"What?"
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"My earrings! They were there. They're not there!"
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"- Where did they go? - I don't know! I don't know!"
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"First you threatened to abandon me,"
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"and now my precious diamonds are gone!"
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"Okay, you are being super dramatic right now."
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"Shut up and look for them!"
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"Get open!"
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"Roland, I see you behind the truck!"
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"Yeah, of course you see me."
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"I'm looking at my gravel."
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"Gravel these days. What are you gonna do?"
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"Yeah, it's gravel."
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"Yeah, it's gravel!"
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"Hey, good news for you."
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"I talked to a guy about that bathroom window."
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"That's the least of my concerns right now!"
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"Oh, Really? Well, why don't we address your concerns?"
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"The doors!"
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"- I want my doors back! - Oh."
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"Before it gets dark! My son is afraid of moths."
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"Oh, hmm."
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"Well, here's the thing about that, Johnny."
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"You see, you did a bad thing."
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"You disrespected me in front of your family!"
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"And now they think less of me."
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"I doubt that's possible."
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"And to be honest,"
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"you were kind of breathing down our necks"
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"a little bit back at the motel."
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"Johnny, when I was a kid and I did a bad thing,"
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"my father took the doors off my room."
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"And he said to me, "Roland, privacy is earned.""
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"I am having a tough time following that."
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"What the hell does that have to do with privacy?"
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"Nothing. I just got mad and I took your doors."
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"Look, if you took offense to anything I said back at the motel,"
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"All right. Apology accepted."
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"Well, that was less of an apology and more of an explanation."
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"Nevertheless, I accept your apology."
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"Which it wasn't!"
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"So thank you again for that apology, which was very nice."
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"Well, there was no apology, and I can't do this anymore!"
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"You said you're sorry in a very sweet and humble way,"
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"and that takes a big man to do that."
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"And that's what Johnny Rose is! A big man!"
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"Oh!"
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"Hello! Hello!"
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"Hi, hello. Come here, please."
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"someone got in here and stole my earrings."
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"But it was just... But it was just you here today."
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"I'm assuming you were the only one here on the premises today?"
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"I think I know where you're going with this."
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"No, I'm simply confirming that"
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"you alone were here when the earrings were stolen."
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"Are you asking me if I stole your earrings?"
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"No, I would never. Please!"
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"But I also would certainly never press charges."
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"If my earrings were suddenly to be returned,"
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"if they suddenly reappeared,"
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"I would look the other way."
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"Okay, you know what? I gotta run."
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"I owe my crack dealer a ton of money, so..."
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"You seem like you have this under control, though."
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"David, I politely asked that concierge girl if she had stolen my earrings,"
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"and she turned ice cold, and now she's on her way to a pawn shop!"
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"I am sorry if my mom accused you of taking something."
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"It's fine."
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"you're gonna put weird stuff in our beds"
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"- out of spite or something? - I won't be cleaning your room."
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"Okay, can I ask you a question?"
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"Shoot."
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"- I think you're kind of rude! - Is that a question?"
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"I have asked you thrice now for a towel"
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"so that I may wash this town off my body."
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