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Clips from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005) - Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare (S02E02)

"We are. We're just getting a little bit of assistance to help us out over the hump."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"And this unemployment thing is so great, because we've made really big plans."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I'm gonna be a veterinarian. - Yeah."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- And I am gonna move to New York, and I'm gonna be on Broadway. - Mm-hmm."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What? It's 1:00 in the afternoon, and you're piss-ass drunk."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Well, it's a slow process, man. It takes a little time. But we trust the system."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- And I got a Jesus chain. - It's good. Look at it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Why in the hell would we do that? - You're not even listening to me."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Did you see myJesus chain? - I'm busting my ass in that bar..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"and you guys are sitting on the stoop getting drunk all day long?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What, this again? What, this again?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I have to work! - Cry for me. Cry for me."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I don't know how to take advantage of government programs."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- You guys can't go on welfare. - Oh, really?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"It's reserved for people who need it, you know?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Like poor people who need some help thr..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"It's not for overprivileged pieces of shit who want to waste millions of dollars in tax..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You want to play this game? We gonna play this game now?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Goddamn it!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Charlie, sign here, here and here."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"So, you're giving me all your money."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"But you will be handsomely rewarded if you just keep your hands off this money."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Right, right. So what's the vig?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- The vig? - Yeah, man."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Do you even know what "vig" means?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Hey-ohh! What's up, bitches?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Get your gloves. I got a lot of grout work for you to do. - Forget the grout."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Turns out there's a little program called Work for Welfare..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"the government subsidizes their wage..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"and the I.R.S. Affords thousands of dollars in tax relief."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Don't you get it? We will never need Dennis and Dee again."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"We hire a couple people, pay them nothing, and get them to do all of our work for us!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- We just pay them nothing? - We pay them nothing!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- That's incredible. - It's incredible!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- What do you think, Frank? - Well, if we're gonna do something like this..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- we got to make sure we don't abuse anybody. - No. Oh, my God!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Respect is the name of the game. Respect is number one!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- It's the name of almost every game. - Absolutely."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"What do you think, Frank?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I'm good. Go get us some slaves."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"No, dude. That's not what I'm saying."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Look, dude, I'm... Okay, look. I'm saying over the history of time, right?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"There have been slaves of many different races. There's been Jewish slaves."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I mean, uh, Italian, uh... - I recognize that, Charlie."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"But in this country, we have to understand that it is a sensitive issue, okay?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I understand that. - What about that one? He seems strong."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- But you're gonna have a problem with work ethic. - That's what I'm talking about."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- You can't be saying things like that. - No, dude."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I'm not saying that because he's black. He's asleep in his chair. - That's true."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- What about that one? - Don't just do that."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"That's like reverse affirmative action, dude."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You don't want to do that. You could cheat yourself out of a good slave here."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Well, how do you know he's not gonna be a good slave? - Come on."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You know what? This is so complicated and confusing. I don't even understand."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Let's look at this guy. - We got to talk to someone. Let's just talk to someone."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"We are here to sign up for the Work for Welfare Program."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"But the problem is it's really tough to tell just by eyeballing these people."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Or anything that we can go over, like their physical stats and some kind of numbers..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Something to just "expediate" the whole process. - It doesn't work that way."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"No. Rules and Regulations. It's, uh, sort of a legal document."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Now, is there any way around this? - Ohh, you're right."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- None whatsoever. - Okay."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- All right, well... - Thank you for your time."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I'm not reading that. - No, I'm not reading this either."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Oh, well, look here. - I see you've decided to steal our welfare idea."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"between friends at the welfare store."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Let's go our separate ways, okay? - You guys can't get welfare!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"They don't give it to any jackass that walks in here."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- It's reserved for people who need it. - That's true."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Drug addicts, mentally disabled, people with dependents... that sort of thing."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Hi. Um, I'm a recovering crackhead."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"This is my retarded sister that I take care of."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Oh, most definitely."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"and your blood work to confirm your... crack addiction."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Lose the helmet, Sis. We can't prove that you're retarded."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I want that welfare, Dennis. - I know you do. So do I."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Okay. We'll just smoke a little bit. - A little bit."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Then I'll take the MCATs. - And I'll move to New York. Perfect."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Oh, my God!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Oh, Jesus! - Ooh, wow, you scared us."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Oh, not 'cause you're black. No, we're not racist. - No. God, no."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- It's just that the neighborhood is scary. - If you were another ethnicity..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- You really did pop up. - But it's a nice neighborhood."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Okay."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- What you need? - Uh, one, please."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"One what?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- See, I don't... - How much would you recommend for a first-time user?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Two for the price of one."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Oh. Well, that's very nice of you. - How much?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- That should be about 200. Thanks for being so kind. - Mm-hmm."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"And patient."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Pick it up down there."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Wait. Where? - Wh-Which..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"This one. It's got to be that guy."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Don't say "this one.""
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"because I got some boots to be shined, all right?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Okay, boss. - Okay."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Mac, I got to hand it to you. This is brilliant."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- That's how I roll. Charles? - Oh, yeah, yeah."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I'm gonna get nice and drunk, play some video games until my eyes bleed."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Uhh, don't you have, like, some stuff that you need to do? - Yeah. Yeah."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- No. - Yeah, managerial stuff."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Managerial stuff! - No, I got that all cleared up."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"The three of us go outside, throw the pigskin around, play some two-hand touch."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Not properly though."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Kind of properly. - Right. Uh, oh, Charlie."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"You know what? We got to get into the bathroom to show Maria..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- The mixing! - Charlie has this thing... the scrubbing."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Scrubbing! - Charlie has this scrubbing thing with the Brillo."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- And make sure she's got it down. - All right. I'll get myself a beer."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- Yeah! - Yeah, get a beer. We'll work it out over here."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Well, this is a development I did not expect."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"It's like he's really trying to become our father."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I know how to play football, Charlie. - I know you do, bro."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- I know you do. - Do you want me to leave?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"Because otherwise, that stain, like, it'll..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"- What are we gonna do? We gotta ditch him or something. - Tell you what."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"We celebrate this whole... slave situation."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
"I'd love to, Charlie. I really would. But we don't have any money."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005)
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