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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #1.1 (S01E01)

"I keep talking to y'all"
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"the hundreds of people in front of me"
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"'Cause it's not like women were objectified"
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"when hip-hop came out."
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"We've been objectifying women for centuries."
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"So I did my research, I did my homework, America."
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"as proof positive that it happened before hip-hop."
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"Take a look at your beloved Nat "King" Cole."
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"The first Noel the angels did say"
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"was for certain poor shepherds"
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"in fields as they lay"
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"thank you all for coming, another year."
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"And as for you, my dear..."
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"Oh, yeah, take that, girl."
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"Yes, yes, I am horny, that's sexy TV..."
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"But you still said, not five minutes ago, that"
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"No, that's not what I said!"
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"Are you sick of your friends and family"
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"Oh, no? No!"
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"Read back five minutes ago."
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"Brian: "I am afraid, I just feel like someday"
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"you might look like your mom, maybe.""
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"Oh, no, that's fine, thank you."
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"In your face."
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"Wanna write that down?"
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"The Home Stenographer."
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"Now, for a small, one-time fee plus minor upkeep,"
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"right in your house."
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"Young woman: "All right you little brats,"
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""go to sleep, my boyfriend's here,"
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"we're gonna have us a sex session.""
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"Kids: "We don't want to go to bed.""
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"Young woman: "Well, you can watch if you want,"
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"Well, she's never coming back."
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"Thanks, Home Stenographer."
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"why would I say that I would make out with Matt Damon?"
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"I don't know, man, you said it, though."
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"And now, for those on the go, the Travel Stenographer."
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"Backpack sold separately."
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""I guess, if it came down to it, I would bang Ben Affleck.""
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"You are so gay now!"
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"Stupid dwarf!"
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"Totally gay, 100%."
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"(man) Chappelle's Show, Oww!"
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"I still haven't been cancelled yet."
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"This is probably the wildest thing"
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"I've ever done in my career,"
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"with a comedy sketch."
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"Sorry."
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"(audience laughing)"
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"For the last 15 years,"
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"of the white-supremacist movement in America."
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"Though not sold in any major bookstores,"
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"his books "Dump Truck", "Nigger Stain","
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"he agreed to give his first public interview ever..."
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"But, getting to Mr. Bigsby was an odyssey in itself,"
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"riddled with back-country hollows,"
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"Not sure we're in the right place."
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"We're looking for Clayton Bigsby."
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"Uh, Clayton Bigsby, the author?"
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"What, you don't think I can write them books?"
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"Just 'cause I'm blind don't mean I'm dumb."
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"A black white supremacist?"
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"to the "Wexler Home for the Blind","
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"Well, he was the only nigra we'd ever had around here,"
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"by just telling him and all the other blind kids"
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"I've written six books, they've published four."
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"is the overall message of your books?"
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"Sir, my message is simple."
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"I noticed you referred to n... African-Americans."
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"What exactly is your problem?"
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"Where would I start?"
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"Well, first of all,"
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"they're lazy, good-for-nothing tricksters,"
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"wide nose breathin' all the white man's air."
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"they think they're the best dancers,"
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"Yes, I believe you did, sir."
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"one of them coons came by his house"
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"He said, "look here, nigger, that there's my girl."
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"have you, Mr. Bigsby?"
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"No, sir, not in many years."
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"What if I were to tell you"
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"Sir!"
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"Listen, I'm gonna make this clear."
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"Yes, sir, but..."
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"I have a book signing to go to."
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"if you wanna see some real truth?!"
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"Prudence!"
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"And Clayton Bigsby, black white supremacist,"
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"Why not tell him he's African-American?"
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"Listen, man, he's too important to the movement."
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"just so there'd be one less nigger around."
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"His commitment is that deep."
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"(banging)"
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"Uh-oh."
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"(man) What, you lost, boy?"
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"(man) Move on, move on."
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"Tell that nigger!"
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"Beat it, you sorry nigger!"
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"Come on, Clayton, we gotta go."
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"That damn monkey was beatin' my hood!"
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"White power!"
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"Hey, why don't you jungle bunnies turn that music down?!"
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"Nigras make me sick!"
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"Woogie-boogie!"
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"Did he just call us "niggers"?"
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"The anticipation was at a fever pitch"
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"as we arrived at Mr. Bigsby's book signing."
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"This is the man who should be"
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"the next president of the United States!"
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"All right, Jasper, time to show these people"
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"what white power's all about."
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"You better put your hood on, Clayton,"
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"It'd be safer, in case some radical"
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"ain't sympathetic to the cause and wants to shoot you."
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"That's good thinking, all right."
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"(man) Without further ado, the man,"
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"who made us proud to be white,"
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"none other than, Clayton Bigsby!"
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"(cheers & applause)"
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