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Clips from The Ben Stiller Show (1992) - Pilot (S01E01)

"We're going to do it my way, counselor!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No, I don't mind."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Make all my dreams come true!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Cape Munster."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Coming soon to a theater near you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"This is Suzy's, where we get our lunch sometimes."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- That's Andy Dick, who's a cast member. - I need extra sauerkraut."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's time for video diary, which is basically my video diary."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's kind of like this captain's log I've kept of my life."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's real excerpts from moments that I've cherished."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"My senior prom, a great night for me."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- What? - It's not the prom night."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Yeah, no, it is. We're gonna show the prom."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- What are we showing? Anybody know? - I don't know, but it's not the prom night."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Well, there's certain pieces we shouldn't show. So I'd just..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Video diary: May 11, 1991."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I feel good. It's been eight days since she moved out..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm realizing this is an opportunity to be with myself."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I ate today, which is really good."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I just think that..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Hi. - Ben."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I didn't think you'd be here. I'll come back another time."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No, no. It's good to see you. Look, I miss you a lot."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- I feel like I screwed up. I feel like... - This is him?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- He came by to help me move. - I can't believe you're seeing somebody."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- What are you doing? - Nothing. And neither are you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Come on, a little Kumite?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Who is this psycho? What have you been telling him about us?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He helped me through a very rough time."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- He helped you through a rough time? - Cut the cord, pal."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- You're poisoning her energy. - You broke up with me!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He helped you? Where's the rough time for you, huh?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Would you get out of here? - You created this, pal."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Why don't you just leave. - This is your storm."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Just leave..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"How could you show that? What is that?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm sorry, man."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- No. That was the wrong piece. - That should not have been shown."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- There's a whole other part of that... - No, it should not have been shown."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't understand why that one... Can we just go to commercial, please?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Wilson garden hose. Available at The Home Shop."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"The kid never stopped trying to make a buck."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Worse than Danny Partridge."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He was very materialistically oriented, and that's not what U2 is about."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...the money and the fame and the power..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Well, I guess that is what we are about."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He should have named that group "Me 2," not "U2." It's all about him."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You people want me to be a god, and then you look at me and you say..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...I can't be a god, so I'm telling you to buzz off..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...because I don't even know what a god is."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I just pull my pants down and go to the bathroom like anybody else..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...but if 50,000 people wanna watch, then hell, I'll do it for them."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"When all else fails, there's always product endorsements."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Now with a fun new surprise in each specially marked package."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It was a great idea, but nobody ever saw it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Let me tell you something. "I Think I Love You"..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"After that, everything else is gravy. You're darn right."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We're here with Janeane Garofalo. She's a regular cast member."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No, I just auditioned."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Right, but you must have one of those slimy Hollywood agents."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No, he's really nice. He's got kind of a Midwestern sensibility, corn-fed guy."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"But there are a lot of those slick guys who are full of it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Those agents who are just coming up with crazy ideas all the time, right?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Are you trying to lead into some kind of crazy..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...Hollywood agent-type sketch or something?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Yeah, I'll be here all day. Okay."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"So where were we? Oh, yeah, okay. Show's number one again."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"May I?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Michael, we need to have a serious talk about our career direction."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Quit. - Quit what?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Quit the show. Don't wait till you're down with Seinfeld in the middle of the pack."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Do it now. You're on top. You can do anything. Let's go 180 on them."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- That's ridiculous. - Of course. That's what I'm saying."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm so glad we're finally having this conversation."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You guys are too good for comedy. Let's do a disease, all right?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Tom, you get sick. Rosie, you come and take care of him."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Rosie, you get sick. Tom takes care of you. You die, you fall in love, whatever."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We're beginning to feel like you're not the right agent for us."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"What, this is a bit, right? Doing a thing? I love it. Keep going. Come on."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- You haven't done crap for us. - All right, where's the punch?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"The show was number one when we hired you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Is this the Slim Shake talking?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"If it is, let's get a cheeseburger, fries, fried chicken, and eat it..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...because nothing is worth this."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Let's face it. The diet is killing your careers. Fat is funny."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Go back in time. Greeks, Romans, in the tub, rub-a-dub-lub, three men having fun."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"What about all the promises you made?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I got Ice Cube's record company. Hang on."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Chill. No, it's whack."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Yeah, I'll be here till 5, then I got an Empty Nest taping. Okay."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"So where were we?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Nice to see them in such a good mood for a change."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Can I just say? Up and then down. And then here..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- I just want to talk to you about... - Want to do Hot Country Nights?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I want to do the disease movie like we talked about."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"What disease? You do the wrong disease, it doesn't help anybody."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"What if I just do an obsession, not a disease?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I could do that. Look."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Oh, I'm a dirty boy. I'm a dirty boy."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- I can't even go out. Huh? - Don't do any more, because it's too good."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- I'll make the call. - Thank you. You got a Prozac?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- This is Bob Odenkirk. He's on the show. - Hi."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We've been walking around the set. It's a historic place."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"This lot's had a lot of great shows on it. This is Stage 3, the Hit Factory."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"They had a lot of hit shows in there like George Burns, and I Love Lucy."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- He's probably in there. - Yeah."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"So Stage 2, where we shoot our show, what's that called?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"... Fish Police, and Cop Rock. A lot of shows. I'm gonna go over there now."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"The morgue? That's probably... Is that like a funny term? Is that...?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He loves to make people laugh almost as much as he loves his freedom."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Thank you. You know, since Soviet Union broke up..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Well, I say there's always Albania."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"The Iron Curtain's lifted, and Yakov's on his own."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"In former Soviet Union, used to be pretty bad. We had no freedom."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Now we have freedom. Pretty crazy, huh?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"What a sovereignty of independent states. I love it!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Yeah, things are pretty bad in China now, you know."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Which was like the former Soviet Union used to be. Communist."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Whenever I go to visit relatives in China..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Now I can visit them. What a union of democratic republics."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
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