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Clips from The Ben Stiller Show (1992) - Pilot (S01E01)

"I guess you're wondering who I am and what the show's about."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't know. I've never had a show before. It's my first time."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Sort of a humorous variation. - I'd work on it more."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It was difficult when we were starting out."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We had this horrible old manager who didn't understand what our music was about."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I loved those boys like they were my own sons."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Mr. Kinkaid used to drive us about in this ramshackled, old, multicolored school bus."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"How about Leo Krumpnik, who made that great gefilte fish sculpture, huh?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I hope everybody's ready to dance the hora and the hokey-pokey."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Thank you, Joel!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"A little... Maybe too much music for my taste, but, you know."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Movie stuff? Okay, all right."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Okay. All right. Well, we'll go to some of the movie stuff then."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I hardly even remember him. It was 20 years ago."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"... in Cape Munster."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Listen to this. It'll make you feel better."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Up your nose with a rubber hose! Barbarino!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Andy, say hello. - Hello."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And tonight I think we're gonna show my prom night."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No, I don't think it's the prom night. I know it's not."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He's small. Low center of gravity. He's probably quick and scrappy, though."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Who is this? - Harry, my self-defense instructor."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Does what for a living? What, stand on one foot? I don't get it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He's everything you said he was, a little bug that gets up inside your head."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...where I kick the guy out, and there was..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And now, back to Ben Stiller's Rockumentary: U2, The Early Years."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Let me tell you something about Bono."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...and the touring and the money."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Well, maybe we are about that a little bit, but..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Lucky Clovers cereal, an important part of this well-balanced breakfast."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Well, after that, I quit the business. Who needs U2?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...sold more copies than "Let It Be.""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You're the creative ones. Figure it out."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Come on, Rosie. What do you want? You're number one. Where else can we go?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"This weight-Ioss thing is playing with your heads."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You said you were gonna get me in Dracula and Batman Returns."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Hang on. Yeah?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- No, I don't want to do Hot Country Nights. - They can't afford you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"A guy who can't stop washing his hands. No one's done that."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Oh, my hands are dirty."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"More water. Towels. Towels. More water. Soap."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Really? I Love Lucy was there? - Yeah, absolutely. And on the left is Stage 7."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"That's called The Sandbox because they do game shows there."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- They do Jeopardy! in there now. - Really? Alex Trebek is probably right inside."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"That's The Morgue. That's where they shot the Dennis Miller Show..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He's performed for presidents, heads of state."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"HBO presents: The Last Stand of Yakov Smirnoff."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"The Soviet Union's gone, but Yakov is as funny as ever."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Oh, a defector."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Did I ever tell you I'm part Chinese on my mother's side?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...we eat, and then an hour later, we want freedom."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I have relatives in former Soviet Union who I could not visit."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I hope you did too. We'll see you next week."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Absolutely. You know, like, "What the, what the hey!""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's all about lateral motion now. "I'm over here. Wait, I went over here."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
""I want to stay in the same place." That's what it's about."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's a comedy thing. We do lots of little funny films. Hopefully funny."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We got to start it up. Anybody have any ideas on how to start the show?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Anybody have anything that...? - I don't..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"This is Bruce, one of the writers."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's not an idea so much as a concept. A writer comes up to you at the beginning."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"There's an exchange, and something funny happens."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I can work this out. I don't have the exact beats."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Like what you're doing right now with me."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Lf you think there's something there... - Okay. Go back and work on it some more."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"See, look at that. We just started out, already something almost funny happened."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Anybody else? Any ideas on how to start?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's Ben Stiller's Rockumentary: U2, The Early Years."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"They came to me, you know. Oh, yeah."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Screaming about how we were gonna make it big in show business."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Yeah, I was full of ideas back then."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He wanted to get a little girl to play tambourine with us, but we nixed that one."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"With Bono, it was always about "the message.""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"So I gave him a message."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"If Joel Wasserstein doesn't have fun at his bar mitzvah..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...you're not getting paid. Comprende?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Thank you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Well, I hope you're all having a good time here at Joel's bar mitzvah."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We're all real proud of him."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Look at him, the very vision of manhood."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Everybody taste the gefilte fish sculpture. It's great."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't wanna see anybody sitting."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Let's give him a hand. Joel."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'll tell you something else."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Okay, so it wasn't Carnegie Hall. You gotta start somewhere."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Welcome back. I think we're going all right. Things are moving along well."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Bruce, the head writer. What did you think of the last piece?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Well, you know. You know. - What?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Who's to say what's funny?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Personally, I like it when we do movie stuff better."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It worked. You know, parts were great. I liked it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- He used to write on Donny and Marie. - But I was very unhappy there."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"... and so has his past."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm scared."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"What's your connection with this guy?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Who is he?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- What about your books? - Already read them."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Eddie Munster..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- What's he got on you? - I was working for the network."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"He blames me for canceling The Munsters."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"This guy threatened you?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Yeah, but he's clever, so the law can't touch him."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm just saying I found your pet's collar. I'm not saying I did anything."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"If this is about work, I can get you an audition."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Audition?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Audition?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No, I don't think you really, really understand what we're talking about here."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't know whether to look at him or go trick-or-treating."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You canceled my show!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We got this freaking psychopath tearing up our family, and I don't know what to do!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"My parents just don't understand..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...and they're just, like, fighting all the time. And..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I know, I know. My daddy was a 10-foot Frankenstein freak with bolts in his neck."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You're not the drama teacher, are you?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"There will never be any connection between you and Eddie Munster!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Maybe I'm a big, bad wolf-boy."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Schlemiel! Schlemazel! Hassenpfeffer, incorporated!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You mind if I put my arm around you?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
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