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Clips from Family Guy - Holy Crap (S02E02)

"You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all."
Family Guy
"There you go, Lois. You love kids."
Family Guy
"Look at that."
Family Guy
"Dad's reading Stewie to sleep, just like he never did for me."
Family Guy
""So God cast the pagans and sinners into the fiery bowels of Hell..."
Family Guy
"Children love a good bedtime story from the Bible."
Family Guy
"Yes, charming. Like when God told Abraham to kill Isaac."
Family Guy
"Hey!"
Family Guy
"I didn't even know there was a 5:00 a.m. Mass."
Family Guy
"I didn't even know there was a 5:00 a.m. What else haven't you told me?"
Family Guy
"I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know."
Family Guy
"Got to get me some of that."
Family Guy
"Yes. We all enjoy the Bible in this house."
Family Guy
"...and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital."
Family Guy
"You might want to give that a minute or two."
Family Guy
"If you ever do it again, you'll burn in Hell!"
Family Guy
"Mark my words, lad."
Family Guy
"God's watching me do number two?"
Family Guy
"I'm a sinner, and God's a pervert."
Family Guy
"Megan!"
Family Guy
"How was school?"
Family Guy
"Good. Kevin walked me home."
Family Guy
"Grandpa, we were just holding hands."
Family Guy
"He can take it right home with him!"
Family Guy
"Lord, it's great to see you kids."
Family Guy
"Francis, we were watching that."
Family Guy
"I'll tell you how it ends. Laura burns the roast..."
Family Guy
"...and God kills her for parading her bum around in those pants!"
Family Guy
"Yeah, the magic of baseball has brought fathers and sons together..."
Family Guy
"...for millions of years."
Family Guy
"Stewie's having fun."
Family Guy
"In a public restroom, lad?"
Family Guy
"For the good of your soul, show some restraint."
Family Guy
"Oh, no, Dad, they bring them to you."
Family Guy
"Well, la-de-da. I don't need my food brought to me."
Family Guy
"Aw, crap. That was money well-spent."
Family Guy
"I don't care if he ever gets back."
Family Guy
"...in preparation for a visit from the Pope."
Family Guy
"That's right, Diane. I'll tell you what else will be examined, this cock."
Family Guy
"The Rhode Island Cock Society is sponsoring free check-ups..."
Family Guy
"...for this year's Cock Awareness Week. I don't know why the suggestive name."
Family Guy
"I'm telling you. Something must've happened to him."
Family Guy
"He's probably hurt, or lost, or shanghaied by pirates!"
Family Guy
"That renegade pirate ship captained by the ruthless Peg Leg Swantoon!"
Family Guy
"Peter, calm down. It's his first night of retirement."
Family Guy
"It seems he broke into the old mill after hours."
Family Guy
"Yes! I want to work! I want my job back!"
Family Guy
"But, Dad, you're retired."
Family Guy
"But you can still make it. You just need a gimmick."
Family Guy
"All he cares about is work."
Family Guy
"Wait a second. Work! That's what'll bring us together."
Family Guy
"Pop, why you gotta be like that?"
Family Guy
"We cut 'em in half, stick a Virgin Mary in them and sell them as shrines."
Family Guy
"Or you could just get your father a job with you at the toy factory."
Family Guy
"That's an even better idea! Lois, you're a genius."
Family Guy
"Peter, I can't hug you."
Family Guy
"Cut it out. I'm serious."
Family Guy
"And this is the nerve center of the whole factory, my station."
Family Guy
"I assemble our new action figure, Zeke, the moody drifter."
Family Guy
"You mean to tell me you stand here all day playing with dolls?"
Family Guy
"It's not easy. See, I gotta twist on his head..."
Family Guy
"Any of you kids want to see a dead body?"
Family Guy
"Wait here, Dad."
Family Guy
"Peter."
Family Guy
"Listen, I was wondering if you might have a job for my dad."
Family Guy
"Your father? He must be a man of at least 70."
Family Guy
"At 2:00 a.m. Last night, I thought a horse was using the bathroom."
Family Guy
"You did my whole day's work in five minutes."
Family Guy
"We should sell you to the circus, you freak!"
Family Guy
"I've never seen such productivity. How is this possible?"
Family Guy
"His wife, his health, even his own son."
Family Guy
"Especially his own son."
Family Guy
"Dad, after all these years, you and me together, side by side, father and son."
Family Guy
"Peter, this is truly a miracle. I'm so grateful."
Family Guy
"Hold that thought. Hey, boys, you're on."
Family Guy
"I have a purpose in life again."
Family Guy
"My, my. What a thumping good read!"
Family Guy
"Please don't say "pooh.""
Family Guy
"Still at the factory. He's turning the break room into a chapel."
Family Guy
"Having him at the factory is the best..."
Family Guy
"I got it."
Family Guy
"I'm working triple shifts, and I'm still not Employee of the Week."
Family Guy
"Where is he anyway?"
Family Guy
"Tough break there, Jesus."
Family Guy
"Yup. Or was it?"
Family Guy
"Boo-yah!"
Family Guy
"...since you took over, work is no fun."
Family Guy
"- Work's not supposed to be fun. - Why not?"
Family Guy
"Now wait a minute. I may not be perfect."
Family Guy
"At least I love my kids enough not to spend every minute of the day working!"
Family Guy
"Peter, you've never spoken to me like that before."
Family Guy
"Something's wrong with your shower. The water's not cold enough."
Family Guy
"I like me showers colder than a well digger's kerblocken."
Family Guy
"I think it's time someone sits his kerfluffin' down..."
Family Guy
"Even my own dad doesn't love me. Face it. I'm going to Hell."
Family Guy
"Adolf Hitler, Al Capone, John Wilkes Booth."
Family Guy
"Hey, what are you doing here?"
Family Guy
"I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet..."
Family Guy
"Yes, the fat man's going to Hell."
Family Guy
"And from the looks of his midsection, he'll burn like a tire dump for all eternity."
Family Guy
"Oh! I love God!"
Family Guy
"We now go live to Logan International Airport..."
Family Guy
"...where the Pope's plane has just touched down."
Family Guy
"Then put your hands together for the one, the only..."
Family Guy
"Hey, I just got a crazy idea!"
Family Guy
"Hey, did you ever notice this? On page 375, it says "Jebus.""
Family Guy
"- Room service! - We didn't order no room service."
Family Guy
"Actually I just wanted to check the honor bar."
Family Guy
"The last Pope we had here filled his shaving kit with Necco wafers."
Family Guy
"All right, wise guy, who are you?"
Family Guy
"My heavens, son! Are you okay?"
Family Guy
"Yeah. I just got bounced by the Pope's road crew."
Family Guy
"Any slight bump on the head knocks me unconscious for a few hours."
Family Guy
"...to be knocked out that easily. Even by the slightest tap. Like this."
Family Guy
"Are you sure this is Boston?"
Family Guy
"Yeah, it's Boston. See, look, there's Harvard."
Family Guy
"That's just a barn."
Family Guy
"Someone went to Yale."
Family Guy
"Lemony."
Family Guy
"Your Holiness, this is such an honor."
Family Guy
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