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Clips from South Park - A Million Little Fibers (S10E10)

"Hi. Welcome to P. F. Chang's."
South Park
"- Yeah! - Not him! You!"
South Park
"I'm sorry to tell you this, sir, but nobody is ever going to publish your memoirs."
South Park
"It's heartbreaking passages like this one,"
South Park
"Please welcome author Steven McTowelie!"
South Park
"but I have some pretty exciting news for you."
South Park
"There used to be a time when Oprah would play with me night and day."
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"I should write a book. It'd be much more depressing than his."
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"Working and working, dieting and not dieting."
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"Fired? You got a plan, Mingey?"
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"He wants to know who he's speaking with."
South Park
"What information do you have?"
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"He wants to know what information we have."
South Park
"What is going on here?"
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"Don't give away your name! We don't want him knowing who we are."
South Park
"- Oh, you stupid twit! - Don't call me a twit, Geraldo!"
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"He didn't call you a stupid twit, I did!"
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"And how do I go about that?"
South Park
"What? What's that?"
South Park
"Oh, excuse me, Steven, I understand that we have a special report coming in."
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"Larry, this brave reporter has spent days investigating and researching,"
South Park
"Steven McTowelie, author of A Million Little Fibres, is a towel!"
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"All right, I've got one chance here."
South Park
"Well, maybe just a little high."
South Park
"Well, Oprah, I was all like..."
South Park
"Is this audience ready for a good old-fashioned lynching?"
South Park
"Minge, does this mean I have to wait to see Paris?"
South Park
"- Burn him! Burn the towel! - Burn that which lies to Oprah!"
South Park
"I've shown my fans that..."
South Park
"All right, everyone back! Get back, I said!"
South Park
"- Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt. - Mingey, what are you doing?"
South Park
"Shut up! Shut up, you miserable old cow,"
South Park
"- Stay back, mate! - Drop the gun and step away."
South Park
"You hostages aren't going anywhere until we get what we want!"
South Park
"I'm not getting high this time!"
South Park
"where Oprah's vagina has killed a police officer"
South Park
"It is yet unconfirmed but believed that Oprah's asshole"
South Park
"Slowly, mate. Slowly. Now back off!"
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"This is Oprah's minge."
South Park
"All right, how about fresh underwear for one hostage?"
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"All right, we'll work on it. Don't do anything foolish."
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"We don't have any time. This is the most unstable vagina I've ever talked to."
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"Not with those hostages so close. It's too risky!"
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"- Mingey? - I'm here, Gar!"
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"You never gave your old Gary the time of day, and now he's gone."
South Park
"That's a great idea you had to sneak the hostages inside the bank."
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"I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time"
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"Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation"
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"Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind"
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"Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour""
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"Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine"
South Park
"How spicy would you like me to make your Chang sauce?"
South Park
"Chris, the people at table three need their cheque."
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"I know. I'm swamped! I've got no help here!"
South Park
"Well, what about the new waiter?"
South Park
"The new waiter is useless. And I think he's high."
South Park
"How spicy would you like your Chang Sauce?"
South Park
"Can we just place our order, please?"
South Park
"Oh, man, I have no idea what's going on."
South Park
"Everything okay here?"
South Park
"Fine, except this towel has been mixing Chang sauce for 15 minutes."
South Park
"He's clueless."
South Park
"Don't call me shoeless! You're shoeless!"
South Park
"- Yeah? Well, you're a towel. - You're a towel!"
South Park
"All right, that's it. Get out of here, you're fired!"
South Park
"Oh, man, I really screwed up this time."
South Park
"The rent's due at the end of the month, and I don't have any money."
South Park
"I need to shape up and find a new job quick."
South Park
"But first, maybe I'll get a little high."
South Park
"Wait, here it comes. A good idea is coming."
South Park
"Yeah. Hey, yeah! I should become a writer!"
South Park
"If I just write a book about my life, I can get it published"
South Park
"and then make plenty of money to pay rent."
South Park
"I bet people can't wait to read my memoirs."
South Park
"This is a really good idea."
South Park
"Yes. Yes, I see."
South Park
"Well, that's quite a fascinating story,"
South Park
"you being engineered as a towel with a computer chip that determines dryness."
South Park
"Yup, and it's all true!"
South Park
"Chapters four through eight, however,"
South Park
"seem to all be about Doritos brand corn chips."
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"Don't bother."
South Park
"Why not?"
South Park
"Well, just the small trivial fact"
South Park
"that people aren't interested in autobiographies of towels."
South Park
"Well, yeah, but maybe people will read my memoirs"
South Park
"and, like, apply its lessons to their own lives."
South Park
"No. They won't. Because they're people, and you're a towel."
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"- You're a towel. - No. I'm a big book publisher"
South Park
"who's not the least bit interested in your stony memoirs."
South Park
"You're a towel."
South Park
"Now what am I gonna do?"
South Park
"I gotta pay rent and I just wasted three weeks writing my memoirs."
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"It's time for me to stop being so irresponsible."
South Park
"I've got to shape up, focus,"
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"and come up with real solutions to my problems!"
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"I'd better get a little high. Maybe I shouldn't."
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"But you have to think of something fast, and getting high makes you smart."
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"All right, I'll just use my special getting-high powers one more time."
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"Hey, hey, wait a minute! Of course! That's it!"
South Park
"Why didn't I think of it before?"
South Park
"This is a really good idea."
South Park
"Oh, my God."
South Park
"I cannot believe a human being has led this kind of life, Mr..."
South Park
"McTowelie. Steven McTowelie."
South Park
"I know this company would be honoured to publish this book."
South Park
"I just have one small question first. You're not a towel, are you?"
South Park
"No. If I was a towel, why would I be wearing this hat"
South Park
"and this fake moustache?"
South Park
"Right, I'm sorry."
South Park
"Well, Steven, if it's all right with you, I'm going to get our agents and lawyers"
South Park
"on the phone right now. We're in business, sir."
South Park
"All right!"
South Park
"Thank you so much."
South Park
"Once in a while I come across a book"
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"that is so honest and so moving that it changes my life."
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"A Million Little Fibres is the true story"
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"of a man who was born in a laboratory."
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"Steven, when I read your book I thought to myself,"
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""How can a human being go through all this and still turn out okay?""
South Park
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