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Clips from Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (S01E01)

"The horsepower is listed as "adequate.""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Hello? -Carl?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I was in the area and I was wondering if you'd like to go grab a coffee."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"You know something? I was just about to have breakfast."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-You caught me at a perfect time. -Oh, fantastic, I'll be by in a few minutes."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"My very special guests today are comedy legends Carl Reiner..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"A long time ago, a guy came up to me and he said:"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...if you promise me one thing." He says, "What?""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I said, "You go get a drink."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Because you look like you can use a drink.""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-What do you think of it so far? -It is quite beautiful."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"As a car, it's horrible."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I bet you nobody knows that the first four episodes ofSeinfeldwere shot..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-I remember that. -Remember?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-I remember coming-- -You visited."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"The very first show."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-You have a breakfast menu? -What could they have on the menu..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...that you're not aware of? How many breakfasts have you had?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-We're gonna be your eaters. -Oh, okay!"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"So crisp, they'll say, "That's too crisp." That's it."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-And I'll have orange juice and coffee. -A cup of coffee."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Mel comes every night. -Every night."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"So that's 62 years."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"First day I met him, he got up and did a Jewish pirate. Hysterical."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"You know, he said, "I can't afford to pillage and rape anymore."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Three dollars and 50 cents for a sailcloth, who can afford that?""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"He went on. And the following day..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...I came in and said, "Here's a man who was at the scene of the crucifixion..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...2000 years ago," and I started to interview--"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I said, "Here's a man who knows everything.""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"About what time would you say he gets there?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Eight o'clock to eat-- -And what do you guys watch?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"We like a movie if somebody says, "Secure the perimeter!""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"We watchJeopardy!when we eat."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"But wait a minute, Jeopardy!'snot on at 8:00."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-I tape it. -You--"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"That's another thing, I like to tape baseball games..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...so I don't have to watch them scratch."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I can move it forward. One strike, two strikes."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Yeah, at this age, you wanna-- You don't have time--"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-To show hits and catches. -Compression, compression."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Yeah. It's a good life. Yes. -I have to say."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"The nicest part about it, and I mean this sincerely..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...is to have a friend, and that you guys still live near each other..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-He's four, five years younger. -Right. Yeah, he's a kid."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-I haven't had bacon in an awful long time. -That's why you're 90."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"We really should tip her before we eat."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Tip before we eat? -Yeah."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"The timing of the check coming at the end of the meal makes no sense."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-When you go in the restaurant... -That's a great...."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...you're so excited. The appetizers and you're anticipating..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...we're gonna have this great night."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Then in the end, there's a cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...and then they want money for it. And you're not hungry anymore."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"You can't understand why you did this whole thing."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"We haven't left yet."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I had a friend who never picked up a check without saying:"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Oh, here, Mel brought these yesterday."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Would you like to come? -That'd be a huge thrill."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Nate 'n Al's. What do you want? -You like hot tongue sandwich?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Chicken in a pot. -Chicken in a pot."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-All right. Fantastic. -Okay, so 8."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-I'll see you. -All right."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Who's that? -It's probably Seinfeld."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Hello?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Did you bring food? -I did."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Hi, Mel. Well, this looks like potato salad."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Look at Carl working here. -Really."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Put it under his head. He says, "Are you comfortable?""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"And the guy says, "I make a living.""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I've never heard anyone do the punch line like that."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-So I don't. -Do you miss it?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"No one has ever asked me that."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-We're all, you know, comic.... -Luminaries."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"The roast beef. Well, cheers."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"No. That's good."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I met a girl. She was incredibly thin."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I took her to a restaurant. She was so thin, the maître d' said:"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
""Check your umbrella." I'm not making this up."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"But you don't do that."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-I've always seen-- -What are you bothering him for?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Now I will. But do you ever work anymore?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-You said you're going to Caesar's. -You're not going to Caesar's."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I admire his commercial aptitude."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"One thing for sure, Mel, is this is getting cut out. I'll be damned..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-He just played it here last night. -I got Buck Henry to come over."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Yeah. -We watched the pilot, I said, "Buck."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Just for my box set, do me a favor."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Let's watch the pilot again, see what we can remember.""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"He said, "I came up with the Cone of Silence."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Oh, God, you're breaking my heart. I love that show."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...started pulling at my coat. Norman Steinberg."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"And he said, "I'm a lawyer. I don't wanna be a lawyer."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"So I said, "Look, I have a show calledGet Smart."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"See the show and write aGet Smartepisode.""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Agent 99 and 86 and...."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"He wrote a couple ofGet Smarts."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"To me, when you take a big chance is when you bring..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...where they're doing a gay Busby Berkeley dance number."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I saw that a few weeks ago and I thought:"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Were you sure this was gonna work? -No."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Whenever I lecture or teach or do anything..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...I say, "It's gotta please you. If you don't laugh, they won't laugh.""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-Right. -I knew it tickled me."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...to a rough cowboy after he fights, he fights with him..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...and the cowboy says, "I'm parked behind the commissary.""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Billy Wilder said, "The reason I'm having lunch with you now..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...is because you had a hundred cowboys..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"If Billy Wilder likes it, I must be good."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...inside show business things. A joke about the commissary..."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"...you'd think, "Who will know what a commissary is?"
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-I didn't care. -Who will know what sitcom writers are?""
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"I needed a black guy to justify our inordinate use of the N-word."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Richie Pryor was a good friend, we hung out together."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"So he joined us."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-He had a partner, a dentist-- -A lawyer and a dentist."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"He wrote comedy on the side, he was very good."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"-You're kidding. -The five of us wroteBlazing Saddles."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"We wrote a lot of it in New York and then I took Norman with me."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
"Well, I mean, sometimes I'm interested in attitudes."
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
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