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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Grand Opening (S03E03)

"You're out!"
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"- All right, you're out. - It hit the ground."
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"- Bullshit! - Hit the ground!"
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"- Get out of there! - Hit the ground, Portico."
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"Ow, fuck!"
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"What have you done?"
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"What the fuck?"
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"How could this possibly happen?"
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"What were you doing playing dodge ball with Andy Portico?"
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"Adults were playing, okay? It was a parents/kids game."
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"W-what are you swinging so hard for? You're injuring him."
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"- What are you doing? - I got involved in the game."
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"He was acting like a bit of an asshole, too, by the way."
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"- It wasn't all my fault. - What about the cook?"
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"We open in three days, we don't have a chef."
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"He tried to pass himself off as bald and he wasn't bald."
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"- What do you want me to do? - So big deal."
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"He wears a toupee when he's not here. Who cares?"
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"literally... a bald-faced liar."
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"But I made up that money, so what...?"
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"We are trying to open a restaurant."
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"You've got to pull us out of this mire that we are wallowing in."
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"What about the muck, are we in any muck?"
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"We are in a big muck. We don't have a chef."
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"If we're in mire, I would assume that we're also in muck."
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"Usually one is in muck and mire. He said I was in a mire."
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"I was trying to ascertain whether or not muck was involved as well."
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"- You were trying to ascertain? - Yes."
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"You know, all of this is moot"
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"because after what he did to Portico"
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"he's gonna slaughter us, okay?"
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"He's gonna put his thumbs through the table."
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"Apologize to Portico."
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"Apologize to Portico, that's it."
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"What's the big deal, Larry?"
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""I'm sorry. I'm sorry.""
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"Let's talk about a new chef. Everybody's got..."
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"You know, Ted knew another guy... never mind."
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"- Oh, Larry. - Andy."
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"except I don't really have any hands to shake, you know?"
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"Oh my gosh."
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"This is what happens when you break your thumbs."
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"Oh, God Almighty."
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"- Like a fucking Muppet. - I'm so sorry, Andy."
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"I'm sorry, too."
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"We were playing a game and we were into it..."
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"And you threw the thing like it was a fucking hydrogen bomb."
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"I just... I hadn't played in a long time and I was having fun and..."
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"Well, I won't be able to review the restaurant, of course."
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"Why not?"
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"That's my whole gimmick."
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"I can't do the show for two months, what am I gonna do?"
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"- I can't do this... - Because you can't..."
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"I can't do my shtick."
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"- You can't do... - "Thumbs up, thumbs down.""
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"- You can't go like this? - I can't go like this."
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"From a stupid dodge ball game?"
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"From a stupid dodge ball game."
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"You're not gonna be able to review it."
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"What am I talking about, opening?"
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"Well, that's crucial."
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"Yeah, I'd say."
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"You know, as it happens,"
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"I know a great chef"
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"who just left Martine's. You know Martine's?"
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"Of course I know Martine's in New York."
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"As a matter of fact, he's out here now. He's weighing offers."
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"I could put in a word for you."
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"- Would you? - I have a lot credibility with him."
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"It's like this could've happened to anyone."
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"I brought you your lunch. Excuse me."
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"Okay, you fucking idiot, you fucking moron."
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"How am I supposed to eat that? Suck it up my ass?"
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"Didn't I ask you to get me a protein shake"
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"- Get me something I can fucking eat! - I'll order something else."
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"- Jesus. It's not like... - Fucking idiot, you know?"
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"Hey, you know what? Don't worry about it, I'll help you out here."
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"Let's make this happen. Okay? Come on."
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"Listen, don't... Andy, will you stop it?"
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"No, I... no, come on."
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"Good, good, good."
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"What the fuck are you doing?"
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"I think I should mention that I have one problem."
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"I won't buy it, I won't broil it I won't bake it."
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"Oh. You got a problem with salmon, huh?"
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"- A big problem. - Big problem?"
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"- Salmon's out. - Plenty of fish in the sea."
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"- Who needs it? - And also... caper."
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"I can't stand capers either. I don't like them."
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"If I see one caper in the kitchen,"
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"there's going to be big problem."
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"Uh-huh, okay. All right, no capers."
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"- No capers. - All right."
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"- Okay? - Yes."
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"Oh, this is great."
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"Do you remember Martine's in New York?"
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"Sure, I've been there about three or four times."
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"- This is the guy. - I know."
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"Okay, well, now I have appointment. I have to go."
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"Nice job."
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"Shit, shitface fuck, shit, cocksucker."
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"He's got some 'tude, this guy, huh?"
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"Some champagne? Shall we break out the champagne?"
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"Yeah, let's crack open a bottle of the good stuff."
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"Are you kidding me?"
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"- Am I gonna get dirty? - Huh?"
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"You need to wash this, seriously."
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"Okay, fine, I'll wash it right now."
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"You can't do it now. I'm meeting Susie for lunch."
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"This is our make-up lunch I don't want to be late for it."
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"It takes two minutes."
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"I just don't want another falling-out with her."
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"Hear that note? Down-nn."
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"And they are miles down-nn..."
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"I think I have to find a bathroom pretty soon."
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"It's really, like..."
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"What's the deal here? Are we even moving?"
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"I got news for you. We're not even moving."
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"- Larry, seriously... - Hey... bang on your window."
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"it's getting to the point of an emergency."
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