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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Grand Opening (S03E03)

"and he told me I should get some colon cleanse."
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"It helps the whole system. He said it will flush..."
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"What does that have to do with a cough? I don't understand that."
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"He says it'll knock it out like that."
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"So please will you do that for me?"
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"All right."
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"Speaking of good eating, here's Andy Portico"
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"with this week's restaurant review. Andy?"
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"Oh, Andy Portico's reviewing a new restaurant."
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"Today I'll be talking about "Stuffing Your Face" again."
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"I don't think I've eaten as badly since I was in the army."
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"- At least then I had my youth. - Asshole."
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"These people could've learned something from Army food."
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"It's a criminal enterprise, not a restaurant, and these people..."
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"He's coming to the opening next week."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"- But you repaired... - All the digging, yeah. Shh, quiet."
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"I'm gonna have to give it"
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"a big two thumbs down."
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"- What a surprise! - I'm Andy Portico, thanks for watching."
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"It's really awful that this guy's..."
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"he's controlling the fate of our restaurant practically."
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"- It's terrible. - How does he decide?"
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"Guy couldn't get dates."
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"- Oh, really? - Yeah."
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"I don't know about that."
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"could put in a good word?"
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"Jeff's daughter goes to the same school as his son."
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"That's a start, right?"
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"What the hell are you kissing me good night for with that cough?"
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"You know how bookstores make you feel stupid?"
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"Health food stores make me feel unhealthy."
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"What's this bullshit, Susie making up this story"
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"She had a dentist appointment."
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"- Cheryl doesn't believe a word of it. - I was with her."
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"She keeps breaking appointments with Cheryl."
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"I was with her. What do you want?"
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"- I can't find this colon cleanser. - Ask somebody."
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"- We've been up and down 10 times. - Ask somebody, that's why."
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"- Excuse me. - Yeah?"
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"I'm looking for a colon cleanser."
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"Adam, where's the colon cleanse?"
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"Colon cleanse is aisle G, right behind you."
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"It's for my wife. It's for my wife."
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"- Who's that guy? - I don't know."
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"Boy, does he look familiar."
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"Does he not look familiar to you?"
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"Who is that? I know that..."
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"- That's our chef. - Our chef's bald."
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"- Phil, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah."
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"What's with the...?"
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"- I thought you said you didn't want... - Well, yeah, I did."
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"- Came into the interview? - Yes."
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"that you were one of those people"
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"who find that men who enhance their appearance"
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"are wrong and stupid so I took my toupee off."
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"You came in bald just to get the job?"
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"I hope this doesn't, you know, affect, you know..."
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"Well, I'm sorry, but it will."
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"But it had nothing to do with my food."
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"- I know, but I don't trust you. - What are you talking about?"
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"No, I'm sorry."
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"For the next five years was he gonna come in"
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"every day and leave the toupee at home?"
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"Yeah, right. Or just wear it on weekends?"
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"Live a double life."
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"- Unbelievable. - He had no plan."
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"Oh, like you wouldn't hire a fat guy, huh?"
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"You don't have a proclivity for fat people?"
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"If a fat guy came in, you wouldn't want to hire him?"
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"You would've been all over that fat guy."
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"That's right. By the way, it's not like I don't hire"
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"other people who aren't bald, okay?"
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"I don't have a bald manager. I don't have a bald lawyer."
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"You have far more bald professionals than the average person."
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"I knew you'd say "duly noted," too."
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"- Oh, did you? You're so smart. - I knew."
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"You know everything I say before I say it?"
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"- Before you say it. - What a genius you are."
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"- "What a genius you are." - You knew I was gonna say that, too?"
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"Aw, Jeez. Listen, I got to go..."
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"We are in so much trouble here, oh my God."
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"I got to tell these investors now..."
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"Yeah, wow, you got to tell them. I'll be there with you,"
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"but you got to tell them. We open in four days,"
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"no chef, and you're gonna tell them"
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"you just fired our chef because he wears a toupee."
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"Listen, I got to go to Sammy's school,"
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"drop off her lunch, and then I'll take you to your office."
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"I don't understand. Your daughter goes here? I see older kids."
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"It's K-12, the whole thing."
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"Oh, oh dear, aw, look at that."
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"Poor kid lost his hair, he's getting chemo."
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"No, he's not going through chemotherapy."
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"in the senior class as a show of solidarity shaved their heads."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"That's really something. You know what?"
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"Maybe one day I'll get a chance"
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"to do something good for somebody like that."
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"That's really touching."
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"You've already got kind of a head start, actually."
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"Funny."
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"What's all this?"
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"- You know? - Huh."
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"- Hey, is that...? - Andy Portico."
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"- That's Portico? - Come on!"
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"Boy, is he into it. Have you ever talked to him about the restaurant?"
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"I wouldn't dare."
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"I used to love playing dodge ball. You like dodge ball?"
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"- Oh, yeah. - Why don't you get in the game?"
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"Aw, they got a whole thing going here."
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"- They can add... it's a fun game. - I'm not gonna ask them."
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"Come on. Sandra? Can my friend play?"
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"Sure!"
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"Go ahead. I'm gonna go take the lunchbox to Sammy."
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"Okay, let's get going here."
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"All right, Larry David. I'm coming to your restaurant next week."
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"- Oh, okay. - I'm gonna review it."
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"Come on, Larry, ha, ha, ha, ha."
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"Aw-ww!"
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