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Clips from Girls5eva - Carma (S01E01)

You know, I saw a man's shadow on the Nest Cam last night.

"You know, I saw a man's shadow on the Nest Cam last night."

Girls5eva

You're cheating. - What? No.

"You're cheating. - What? No."

Girls5eva

He was with Ricky. You have a Nest Cam?

"He was with Ricky. You have a Nest Cam?"

Girls5eva

- Yeah, it's my apartment.

"- Yeah, it's my apartment."

Girls5eva

Your song said so.

"Your song said so."

Girls5eva

- It's not a song yet.

"- It's not a song yet."

Girls5eva

- I used to have dreams, you know that?

"- I used to have dreams, you know that?"

Girls5eva

I wanted to be Keith Hernandez,

"I wanted to be Keith Hernandez,"

Girls5eva

but I had to give it up, because, you know,

"but I had to give it up, because, you know,"

Girls5eva

you can't be another person.

"you can't be another person."

Girls5eva

The science is just not there yet.

"The science is just not there yet."

Girls5eva

- I'm not giving up.

"- I'm not giving up."

Girls5eva

I just need something to write about.

"I just need something to write about."

Girls5eva

Like, Dolly Parton wrote Jolene about a bank teller

"Like, Dolly Parton wrote Jolene about a bank teller"

Girls5eva

that flirted with her husband.

"that flirted with her husband."

Girls5eva

- Perfect. Go to the bank, and when you're there,

"- Perfect. Go to the bank, and when you're there,"

Girls5eva

you can deposit last night's cash.

"you can deposit last night's cash."

Girls5eva

Don't let 'em tell you they can't accept it

"Don't let 'em tell you they can't accept it"

Girls5eva

if it's wet, all right?

"if it's wet, all right?"

Girls5eva

Look, I got a bunch of other stuff here.

"Look, I got a bunch of other stuff here."

Girls5eva

You're looking for inspiration,

"You're looking for inspiration,"

Girls5eva

I just handed you a whole album.

"I just handed you a whole album."

Girls5eva

And you better take me to the GRAMMYs and not Mom.

"And you better take me to the GRAMMYs and not Mom."

Girls5eva

- You're not holding up restaurant sauce

"- You're not holding up restaurant sauce"

Girls5eva

on the red carpet.

"on the red carpet."

Girls5eva

- Oh, yeah, I am. Love you!

"- Oh, yeah, I am. Love you!"

Girls5eva

- I just love it.

"- I just love it."

Girls5eva

You're a snack. - Ha. Thank you.

"You're a snack. - Ha. Thank you."

Girls5eva

- Sorry, gorg, your card's been declined.

"- Sorry, gorg, your card's been declined."

Girls5eva

Okay, I don't like this part,

"Okay, I don't like this part,"

Girls5eva

but we're gonna need to take the hair back.

"but we're gonna need to take the hair back."

Girls5eva

- Whoa! - Ah, ah, I meant to say

"- Whoa! - Ah, ah, I meant to say"

Girls5eva

that I am treating today because you brought me here.

"that I am treating today because you brought me here."

Girls5eva

- Oh.

"- Oh."

Girls5eva

- Do you have Kev share that account?

"- Do you have Kev share that account?"

Girls5eva

- We share everything.

"- We share everything."

Girls5eva

Finances, jeans,

"Finances, jeans,"

Girls5eva

respect and admiration for the troops.

"respect and admiration for the troops."

Girls5eva

- Maybe call the credit card company

"- Maybe call the credit card company"

Girls5eva

and see what or

"and see what or"

Girls5eva

who he's spending money on.

"who he's spending money on."

Girls5eva

- I thought that you were zipping it.

"- I thought that you were zipping it."

Girls5eva

- I'm just trying to keep an eye out for you.

"- I'm just trying to keep an eye out for you."

Girls5eva

- Gloria!

"- Gloria!"

Girls5eva

I trust...my husband.

"I trust...my husband."

Girls5eva

I love my husband.

"I love my husband."

Girls5eva

I love his soul.

"I love his soul."

Girls5eva

I love his swoopy boy band hair

"I love his swoopy boy band hair"

Girls5eva

that caused one of his eyes

"that caused one of his eyes"

Girls5eva

to atrophy and turn inward.

"to atrophy and turn inward."

Girls5eva

God put me and Kev together.

"God put me and Kev together."

Girls5eva

- PR reps put you and Kev together

"- PR reps put you and Kev together"

Girls5eva

to sell Noxzema.

"to sell Noxzema."

Girls5eva

- And who do you think created the PR reps?

"- And who do you think created the PR reps?"

Girls5eva

Ha ha.

"Ha ha."

Girls5eva

Actually, before the BBQ,

"Actually, before the BBQ,"

Girls5eva

we're gonna have this supes chill bible study.

"we're gonna have this supes chill bible study."

Girls5eva

We're gonna talk about lasting relationships.

"We're gonna talk about lasting relationships."

Girls5eva

You should come,

"You should come,"

Girls5eva

because what you'll get to see

"because what you'll get to see"

Girls5eva

is a very happy couple.

"is a very happy couple."

Girls5eva

I'm probably like the happiest person

"I'm probably like the happiest person"

Girls5eva

that's ever been in here.

"that's ever been in here."

Girls5eva

[nervous laughing]

"[nervous laughing]"

Girls5eva

* *

"* *"

Girls5eva

- No.

"- No."

Girls5eva

You must see a lot of stuff from behind that counter.

"You must see a lot of stuff from behind that counter."

Girls5eva

Anything crazy?

"Anything crazy?"

Girls5eva

You ever hit on somebody's husband, or...

"You ever hit on somebody's husband, or..."

Girls5eva

- One time,

"- One time,"

Girls5eva

somebody put dog shit in the ATM,

"somebody put dog shit in the ATM,"

Girls5eva

and I had to scrape it out with an envelope.

"and I had to scrape it out with an envelope."

Girls5eva

[woman, distantly] Next.

"[woman, distantly] Next."

Girls5eva

- * Woof, woof, woof *

"- * Woof, woof, woof *"

Girls5eva

* Got a deposit, Mommy *

"* Got a deposit, Mommy *"

Girls5eva

- Not for me.

"- Not for me."

Girls5eva

[energetic funk]

"[energetic funk]"

Girls5eva

* *

"* *"

Girls5eva

- Hey, you know that, um,

"- Hey, you know that, um,"

Girls5eva

that Sierra Mist, that's not free.

"that Sierra Mist, that's not free."

Girls5eva

- I dropped it into this cup,

"- I dropped it into this cup,"

Girls5eva

and now I'm cleaning it up with my mouth.

"and now I'm cleaning it up with my mouth."

Girls5eva

- Wait a second.

"- Wait a second."

Girls5eva

I know that look.

"I know that look."

Girls5eva

You got the vampire glow going on.

"You got the vampire glow going on."

Girls5eva

Are you feasting on youth?

"Are you feasting on youth?"

Girls5eva

- Yes.

"- Yes."

Girls5eva

I am dating a younger guy.

"I am dating a younger guy."

Girls5eva

I finally get why men do this.

"I finally get why men do this."

Girls5eva

They're so firm and happy.

"They're so firm and happy."

Girls5eva

- Welcome to the club.

"- Welcome to the club."

Girls5eva

Hey, um, how young we talking here?

"Hey, um, how young we talking here?"

Girls5eva

- Maybe 20. - How many abs?

"- Maybe 20. - How many abs?"

Girls5eva

- All.

"- All."

Girls5eva

- Oh, boy.

"- Oh, boy."

Girls5eva

20 with abs, you know, with that comes a lot of upkeep.

"20 with abs, you know, with that comes a lot of upkeep."

Girls5eva

This is how you keep them on the hook.

"This is how you keep them on the hook."

Girls5eva

You take them to Atlantic City on their birthdays.

"You take them to Atlantic City on their birthdays."

Girls5eva

Twice a month, get 'em jewelry.

"Twice a month, get 'em jewelry."

Girls5eva

Here's a hot tip:

"Here's a hot tip:"

Girls5eva

Pavé is still diamonds but is cheaper.

"Pavé is still diamonds but is cheaper."

Girls5eva

And most importantly,

"And most importantly,"

Girls5eva

take the erection pill when the appetizer comes.

"take the erection pill when the appetizer comes."

Girls5eva

- We are not alike.

"- We are not alike."

Girls5eva

Unlike you, I'm a hot and captivating woman.

"Unlike you, I'm a hot and captivating woman."

Girls5eva

- I admit that you're way better looking than me,

"- I admit that you're way better looking than me,"

Girls5eva

all right, I get that,

"all right, I get that,"

Girls5eva

but there's a clock on these things, all right?

"but there's a clock on these things, all right?"

Girls5eva

One day you're getting out of a hot tub naked

"One day you're getting out of a hot tub naked"

Girls5eva

and then realize that your butt crack

"and then realize that your butt crack"

Girls5eva

is only an inch long, and--bam!

"is only an inch long, and--bam!"

Girls5eva

It's over.

"It's over."

Girls5eva

A second alarm goes off.

"A second alarm goes off."

Girls5eva

- No, in my circles,

"- No, in my circles,"

Girls5eva

the December always dumps the May.

"the December always dumps the May."

Girls5eva

- You know, this whole thing about

"- You know, this whole thing about"

Girls5eva

a woman exploiting a man sexually,

"a woman exploiting a man sexually,"

Girls5eva

personally to me, it's disgusting.

"personally to me, it's disgusting."

Girls5eva

But it's 2015, so God bless.

"But it's 2015, so God bless."

Girls5eva

- It's 2021.

"- It's 2021."

Girls5eva

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