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Clips from Friends - The One with the Fertility Test (S09E09)

"Yeah, she's this new professor in my department that l did not kiss."
Friends
"l don't know why Joey had to kiss her. Of all the girls at the party, God!"
Friends
"Wow. Joey and a professor. Can you imagine if they had kids?"
Friends
"l feel like l owe you an explanation."
Friends
"Those people who like someone and don't kiss them..."
Friends
"-You know, very cerebral-- -Yeah, l know the type."
Friends
"lf we want to grab a bite before work, we'd better get acrimonious."
Friends
"What, now l can't get a massage?"
Friends
"There are so many things that she disapproves of."
Friends
"-Do you want to go hunting? -l would like to have the option."
Friends
"They're putting people like me out of business."
Friends
"lt would be like throwing away 1 00 bucks."
Friends
"-What do you wanna do tonight? -Oh, well, maybe we could...."
Friends
"We've been trying to have a baby for a year."
Friends
"...but it is okay to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell?"
Friends
"l cannot believe Ross told you that."
Friends
"And in my defense, it was a Wendy's."
Friends
"Look, l don't want to do these tests either."
Friends
"But l really do think it's a good idea."
Friends
"l'm sure a doctor's office can't be worse..."
Friends
"...than on a class trip to the Hershey factory."
Friends
"-Hey! -Hi."
Friends
"-Can l offer you a drink? -Please."
Friends
"l had a meeting with the dean, my syllabus for summer school's due..."
Friends
"So l am just so excited to be here."
Friends
"You wanna see the Yankees."
Friends
"-Okay. -And here is my gift certificate."
Friends
"-Then why do you work here? -Because it's good money."
Friends
"But that doesn't change the fact..."
Friends
"Well, l think this is a great place to work."
Friends
"Look, if you don't know what the word ''acrimonious'' means, just don't use it."
Friends
"-She's cool, funny, her body is so-- -Get to the problem."
Friends
"Combined."
Friends
"Are you wearing two belts?"
Friends
"You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid."
Friends
"Yeah, most days the place is packed with confused, angry baseball fans."
Friends
"Yeah. Okay. There's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue."
Friends
"And there, there's this great little pastry shop that she'd love."
Friends
"But l'm not."
Friends
"-Are you sure you're gonna be okay? -Yeah, l guess."
Friends
"How great is this?"
Friends
"No, no, no. l mean, why? Why is she here?"
Friends
"Oh, they gave you the kiddie size."
Friends
"What?"
Friends
"l'd love to stay but l've got a hot date."
Friends
"Please go. Just let me know if you need a hand."
Friends
"So, what's your name?"
Friends
"-You know, l-- -Time for your scalp massage."
Friends
"No, no. My mouth says the words, my brain is thinking ''monster trucks.''"
Friends
"Now, remember, when you get to the museum..."
Friends
"l gotta say, l'm really impressed you were able to memorize all this so quickly."
Friends
"l'm an actor. l can memorize anything."
Friends
"Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here..."
Friends
"No, no, no. No ad-libbing. And, dude, you can't touch the paintings."
Friends
"My specimen's in the room."
Friends
"Really helped speed the process along."
Friends
"No, there's talking to you, but Monica's coming out."
Friends
"Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. l can't believe l didn't even think of that."
Friends
"And that's the Swedish national anthem. Thank you for asking."
Friends
"Wow, lkea."
Friends
"-Phoebe! -You know it's me?"
Friends
"Well, for like a half an hour!"
Friends
"You do if you're gonna make me feel guilty for getting a free massage."
Friends
"...and punching a clock..."
Friends
"Honey, you have principles, and l so admire that."
Friends
"lf you guys have microphones in there too, l didn't mean any of that."
Friends
"Hey, how was the Met?"
Friends
"-What do you mean? -Well, for one..."
Friends
"...he memorized all that stuff because he thought it was important to you."
Friends
"Hey, Ross. That art stuff worked. You hooked me up."
Friends
"lt is not okay that l'm aroused by this now."
Friends
"Well, so, what does that mean?"
Friends
"Hey, sweetie."
Friends
"So, what is it? ls it...?"
Friends
"Actually, it's both of us."
Friends
"Well..."
Friends
"-Good morning, Phoebe. -Good morning, receptionist."
Friends
"Are you ready for your Scottish massage?"
Friends
"Put your face in the hole, lassie!"
Friends
"[ENGLlSH]"
Friends
"lt's so weird. How did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night?"
Friends
"-l thought you'd end up kissing Charlie. -l thought l'd end up kissing Charlie too."
Friends
"But surprise!"
Friends
"l missed most of the party."
Friends
"Charlie's a girl, right?"
Friends
"-Why do you care so much? -Yes, Rachel. Why do you care so much?"
Friends
"You know, and l want him to hook up with lots of women."
Friends
"l don't know. They seemed to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils."
Friends
"And if the kids got her intelligence..."
Friends
"...and Joey's raw sexual magnetism..."
Friends
"All right. So, Ross, you're okay with all this? l mean...."
Friends
"lt's no big deal. l just met her. l'm fine with it."
Friends
"l'm gonna get some more coffee."
Friends
"Her mind is totally acrimonious."
Friends
"l'm...."
Friends
"Think less of you? No. l don't think less of you."
Friends
"l mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them."
Friends
"...those people are stupid. l hate those people."
Friends
"Actually, l'm a little surprised at myself."
Friends
"No? Am l getting close?"
Friends
"-Hey! -Hi."
Friends
"Oh, wow! l love those! Where did you get them?"
Friends
"Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive."
Friends
"Hey, what's this?"
Friends
"You can't show Phoebe this. She hates those corporate massage chains."
Friends
"l can't eat veal. l can't wear fur."
Friends
"Phoebe, come on, l don't want to waste it."
Friends
"Okay, this is not about the money. Okay?"
Friends
"lt's about corporate greed destroying our hearts..."
Friends
"...and leaving us hollow shells."
Friends
"l don't care about any of that."
Friends
"Well, do you care about friendship? l feel really strongly about this."
Friends
"Please don't use this gift certificate. l'm asking you as a friend."
Friends
"Oh, not as a friend. Phoebe!"
Friends
"Fine. l won't use it."
Friends
"-Promise? -l promise."
Friends
"-Thank you. -Well, l am going hunting."
Friends
"Hey, honey. l missed you today."
Friends
"Until then, you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank."
Friends
"Do we really need to take those tests?"
Friends
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