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Clips from Silicon Valley - Maleant Data Systems Solutions (S03E03)

"And no onsite support. I think you can hire other engineers"
Silicon Valley
"to do that fucking mole monkey work."
Silicon Valley
"The second we write code that satisfies"
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"we are off the box and on to the platform."
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"And that is my final offer."
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"- Whoa! - Ow! Ow!"
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"Hey, hey. You okay? You were standing and then what happened?"
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"- It's just a little shocking. - Oh... what were you saying?"
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"Did you... do we have a deal or...?"
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"That was pretty badass, Richard."
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"Uh, this is not even a room. This is a hallway."
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"Uh, it can't be, because that is a bed,"
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"thus, this is a bedroom."
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"Oh! Whoopsies. Don't mind me."
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"Ah, Fred, this is Jared. He actually is a, uh... a temporary resident."
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"Oh, uh, while I have you, there were fresh droppings near my cot."
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"I was thinking maybe we could just pick a day and just drench it in hawk urine,"
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"because the scent of a predator can keep rodents at bay."
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"Fuck this. I've been writing quick, bullshit subpar code"
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"How do you do it every day, Dinesh?"
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"Guys, please. Let's just shit this thing out"
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"so we can get on to building the platform."
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"Hi."
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"- I'm Dang? - Dang."
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"- What... - My name is Dang."
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"I'm heading the design team that's building the enclosure for the box."
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"- It's time for the concept meeting. - Concept meeting?"
Silicon Valley
"Okay. I'm just going to show you a few pictures,"
Silicon Valley
"Look, wait, hold on."
Silicon Valley
"I thought you were going to show me pictures of boxes."
Silicon Valley
"you and I need to develop a shared aesthetic vocabulary."
Silicon Valley
"- Okay. Sure. Yeah. Uh... - Let's just make this simple."
Silicon Valley
"Leopard?"
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"Butterfly? Rhinoceros?"
Silicon Valley
"Stop. Animal? Um, it's a box."
Silicon Valley
"Right? Okay, so if you need an animal,"
Silicon Valley
"make it a box turtle. How does that sound?"
Silicon Valley
"So this is all kind of a joke to you?"
Silicon Valley
"You know what? I don't actually give a flying fuck what this box looks like."
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"So, look, here. This is a black rectangle."
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"Make it that. All right? Because we're going to take it"
Silicon Valley
"and put it in a hole in a subbasement in a data center,"
Silicon Valley
"Hello!"
Silicon Valley
"It appears there has been a mistake."
Silicon Valley
"14-A, you've been reassigned to lot D."
Silicon Valley
"Lot D?"
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"The structure?"
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"Anywhere above level three, those are reserved."
Silicon Valley
"A shuttle?"
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"I'll get back to you as soon as I can."
Silicon Valley
"should integrate seamlessly. This should work."
Silicon Valley
"slightly faster than you asked me to, Richard."
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"What do you mean? How much slightly faster?"
Silicon Valley
"- 200 megs per second. - You dick."
Silicon Valley
"That's eight times as fast as the specs required."
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"I really did. But I'm not Dinesh."
Silicon Valley
"It's very difficult for me to do shitty work."
Silicon Valley
"Wait, so you're not processing whole files, just the changes?"
Silicon Valley
"That's why I wrote it."
Silicon Valley
"to make it faster so it's compatible?"
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"I mean, these are minimum speeds, right?"
Silicon Valley
"doesn't mean we have to suck at making it."
Silicon Valley
"Uh, what if we actually move upstream and connect the parser..."
Silicon Valley
"Okay."
Silicon Valley
"Well, then the whole thing would really fly."
Silicon Valley
"Yeah. That would rock."
Silicon Valley
"Hey, Richard, do you have a sec? I have a, uh, preliminary render for you."
Silicon Valley
"What is that?"
Silicon Valley
"What do you mean? It's a box."
Silicon Valley
"I mean, are you just going to do the bare minimum and call it a day?"
Silicon Valley
"You said it didn't matter, you said you didn't care."
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"No one's caring about this. I'm just saying, like,"
Silicon Valley
"it's just a matter of pride and, like, self-respect."
Silicon Valley
"I can maybe add some color to it"
Silicon Valley
"There you go. Definitely, a slam. Slam it."
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"Yeah, maybe add some more lights."
Silicon Valley
"Sure. Yeah. Well, hey, uh,"
Silicon Valley
"Make it a jaguar 'cause I have a feeling"
Silicon Valley
"this baby is going to purr."
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"I don't care either, but, you know,"
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"Fuck that. A cheetah's faster."
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"But I really don't fucking care."
Silicon Valley
"- But definitely cheetah. - Or a gazelle."
Silicon Valley
"Also, don't throw away the whole jaguar thing,"
Silicon Valley
"Ah! Jared, Jesus fuck! What are you doing?"
Silicon Valley
"Sorry. I was..."
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"I was just taking a quiet moment to collect myself."
Silicon Valley
"My tenant has been leaving my belongings"
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"to make more room for his tenants."
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"- Your tenant has tenants? - Yeah."
Silicon Valley
"He's Airbnbing my Airbnb. So, if it's okay with you,"
Silicon Valley
"I might need to stay a little bit longer, um..."
Silicon Valley
"- When's he moving in? - Wouldn't we all like to know."
Silicon Valley
"Fred, Erlich Bachman. You said you'd get back to me about the room."
Silicon Valley
"In this moment, on this phone call."
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"I am literally standing within feet of three potential candidates"
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"Good? What do you mean good?"
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"What? What other incubator? Where? What is the address?"
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"Because I want to send them a fucking nice gift."
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"Fucking "Miami Vice," disgusting architecture!"
Silicon Valley
"Hey, man. What are you doing here?"
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"What do you mean? This is my house."
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"This place is huge."
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"Yes, it would be polite for you to invite me into your home"
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"and offer me a Push Pop, yes."
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"I'm sorry. You're telling me"
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"Absolutely, Chela."
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"In all candor, I was feeling the same,"
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"Not at all."
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"to weather the challenges of the future,"
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"and the rumors swirling about your leadership."
Silicon Valley
"from Richard Hendricks and Pied Piper, armed with a powerful new CEO,"
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"That by shuttering Nucleus, you have left them to gather strength unopposed,"
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"Who? Who exactly is saying this?"
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"Well, people talk."
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"In the halls, in the cafeteria, on the parking shuttle."
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"The beauty is..."
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"Yes? All right."
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"Will you sit back down? I need your help."
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"- Of course. - Thank you."
Silicon Valley
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