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Clips from Veep - Chicklet (S06E06)

"Here's a statement... your investment is doing quite well."
Veep
"- Can you believe the nerve of him? - No, I can't."
Veep
"Ma'am, actually, I gotta talk to you."
Veep
"I got another call from the publisher."
Veep
"We need to buckle down and start writing the book, okay?"
Veep
"What if we started with when Hughes selected you as his veep?"
Veep
"I mean, the lies."
Veep
"Do you have any memory of that moment?"
Veep
"Any details, any specifics?"
Veep
"he was cheating on me during the entire campaign"
Veep
"and said it was my fault."
Veep
"- I didn't know that. Okay. - Yeah, absolutely he did."
Veep
"Andrew said that he was campaigning long hours at the office for me."
Veep
"- He makes you... - Who was your opponent in that race?"
Veep
"Uh, I don't know. Some old white guy. They're all the same."
Veep
"And it was a really tight race."
Veep
"Down, down."
Veep
"Whatever happened to Louise Kellog?"
Veep
"Oh, God, I made Andrew can her slutty can."
Veep
"And then we just hired the least fuckable press secretary we could find."
Veep
"Huh, that's actually right when I started working with you."
Veep
"Hey, get up."
Veep
"- What? - Give me that fork."
Veep
"- What? What? What gives? - Up, up."
Veep
"Fundraising laws... no silverware."
Veep
"Yeah, if you sit, it's a meal,"
Veep
"which is a gift, which is a bribe,"
Veep
"which is a line of prison inmates"
Veep
"standing on each other's shoulders trying to sodomize you."
Veep
"Well, my feet hurt and I'm really hungry."
Veep
"Well, that's why we told you to eat a big meal before you got here!"
Veep
"Well, I wasn't hungry then! And I need to go to the bathroom."
Veep
"You just went."
Veep
"Hey, here he is, the Macher of the Moment."
Veep
"- Mr. Tanz. - Jonah, I want you to meet my wife, Lia,"
Veep
"Yeah, what'd I tell ya? He's tall, huh?"
Veep
"Hi, Mrs. Tanz. Ms. Tanz, you are smoking."
Veep
"- We have a six-year-old. - Oh, mazel tov."
Veep
"you don't forget to talk about crime."
Veep
"It'll get dark earlier all year long,"
Veep
"which means more burglaries and murders and rape through the roof."
Veep
"Wait, wait, you didn't let me get to the best part."
Veep
"We're gonna lock 'em up and we're gonna fry 'em."
Veep
"If you kill them, they can't get arrested again."
Veep
"Right, which you would know"
Veep
"Great candidate, Dad."
Veep
"I can see why you married the other one."
Veep
"- That's my Shawnee. - Yeah."
Veep
"- Moe. - You better go and fix this, okay?"
Veep
"And go do it fast before Kent invites her to a Sudoku weekend in Vermont."
Veep
"Uh, excuse me, Shawnee."
Veep
"but I've been underestimated my entire life."
Veep
"Failure to thrive at birth... fuck that."
Veep
"Puberty at 19. When it hit, it hit like a fucking thunderbolt."
Veep
"Third grade reading level in the tenth grade."
Veep
"has only made me stronger and taller."
Veep
"Get those fucking meatballs away from me."
Veep
"Aw."
Veep
"I begged Daddy to get her for me, and he did."
Veep
"and now you finally have a friend.""
Veep
"She hated all animals that she couldn't eat or wear."
Veep
"Anyway, eventually,"
Veep
"So, how did he die?"
Veep
"Heart attack."
Veep
"Boy, I'll tell you, I remember that night he died"
Veep
"'cause his secretary came banging on the door at, like, 2:00 AM."
Veep
"- if you don't want to. - No, it's okay."
Veep
"I like talking about it, even with you."
Veep
"Hmm, see? I'm not so bad once you get to know me after 20 years."
Veep
"Yeah, exactly."
Veep
"Go on!"
Veep
"Well, the book better be done in 10 years"
Veep
"or I'll be broke as a..."
Veep
"What's going on here?"
Veep
"- Yes! - Oh, can I join?"
Veep
"- Sure! - Oh."
Veep
"- We're so glad you're here. - Aw."
Veep
"- I need breakfast. - Okay."
Veep
"- Oh, can you help me up? - Sure."
Veep
"Here, okay. I'll... I'll get you from the back."
Veep
"I usually have an eight-egg white omelet."
Veep
"- Do you wanna see my yearbook? - Yeah!"
Veep
"Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Veep
"- Are you guys, like, besties now? - I don't know."
Veep
"She hasn't yelled at me in, like, 24 hours."
Veep
"- It's weird. - It is weird."
Veep
"Hey, did you get me out of the Gerry Ford ghetto?"
Veep
"- Hey! - You guys had a slumber party."
Veep
"Yeah! So, listen, we're about to get breakfast"
Veep
"- and Gary's gonna go... - Look at this."
Veep
"Oh, my God!"
Veep
"- In your pajamas? - It's athleisure-wear, ma'am."
Veep
"- Okay, that's not a word, Marjorie. - That's disgusting!"
Veep
"- Close it. - All right, well,"
Veep
"I don't even know why I try with those two."
Veep
"- Honestly. - Hey, ma'am,"
Veep
"before we get back to work, would you mind writing"
Veep
"We're just trying to get Ellen in there, and it'd be really good."
Veep
"- Wait, who? - My oldest daughter."
Veep
"- Oh, that Chinese one? - Sure."
Veep
"You write it, I'll sign it."
Veep
"- Really? - Sure!"
Veep
"Thank you so much, ma'am. Thank you."
Veep
"- Look at this. - Oh, my gosh."
Veep
"Did you ever go through an awkward phase?"
Veep
"No!"
Veep
"A lot of responsibility."
Veep
"Oh, self-husband."
Veep
"- Does it hurt? - Oh, no, Richard."
Veep
"Grandma Splett always said that self-pleasure was a sin"
Veep
"Do you need a minute or...?"
Veep
"No. Worse comes to worst, I'll burn in hell like Grandma Splett."
Veep
"You know what? He has a really good heart."
Veep
"I'm sorry, I'm still understanding how the cup comes into play."
Veep
"Oh, you... you just have to aim"
Veep
"and... and what..."
Veep
"Yeah, no, you just have to do one."
Veep
"Just one? Okay. I think that'll be easier."
Veep
"How will I know when I'm done?"
Veep
"You know, I'll figure it out. I'll probably figure it out."
Veep
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