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Clips from Perfect Strangers - First Date (S01E01)

"I feel bad about not getting back to him."
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"I'm going. - Yeah."
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"Goodbye, love goddess."
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"Balki, you have to stop doing that to Susan."
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"Up, up."
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"Do you have any sweatshirts? - Right over there."
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"Hey, where do you get off anyway?"
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"If I pick any losers, I'll think of you. Move it. Move it. Get away from my money."
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"Please, cousin."
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"Well, I think I'll pick out my woman now."
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"You look... You look, into a woman's eyes from across the room."
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"What woman?"
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"Don't point."
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"...you work your way over to the woman and you use your opening line."
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"Excuse us."
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"You were one step away from throwing yourself at that woman's feet, weren't you?"
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"That woman is still looking at you. - She is?"
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"Cousin Larry, I'm so happy."
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"I met one fox-like American woman."
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"Yeah, I got lucky."
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"Will you stop it?"
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"It's a jungle out there, and I don't know how to swing."
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"You have got the right stuff."
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"He looks up to me. How can I cast him aside?""
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"I don't like to be embarrassed."
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"I have spent my whole life avoiding embarrassing situations."
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"Maybe when I was born nude in front of all those strangers."
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"Larry, I don't see how going on a date with a friend can be embarrassing."
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"The man who doesn't believe the refrigerator light goes off."
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"And you are telling me that he's not going to embarrass me?"
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"Take a reality pill."
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"...if I'm not there to pick up the pieces."
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"Good opening line, Cousin Larry, but she is my date."
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"Oh!"
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"Did I tell you my joke about the three sheepherders?"
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"Waiter. Waiter."
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"And the others say, "This is a very beautiful animal.""
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"You know this one. You're so funny."
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"And then, the sheep looks up, right into their faces..."
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"Oh, come on. Show us. - It takes a lot of people."
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"Hey! - Hey."
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"Hey! Hey! Hey!"
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"That's enough. Balki, Balki, that's it. "The Dance of Joy" is over."
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"Hey, we're having a good time."
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"Hey! Hey!"
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"No."
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"I made a public spectacle out of myself."
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"I am not one of them. I don't like to sing. I don't like to dance."
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"Did not. - You did too."
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"Didn't."
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"You danced. - I was threatened."
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"I shouldn't be teaching you anything. I don't know how to have fun."
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"Oh, you dirty rat."
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"I guess so."
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"So you really think I sound like Cagney?"
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"Another letter from Ed McMahon."
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"Susan. - Hi, Balki."
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"Let me bathe in your beauty."
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"All right, up. Bath time is over."
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"Susan, let me shine your shoes with my heart."
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"He is so cute."
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"Balki, save something for your honeymoon."
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"See you. - Bye-bye, Susan."
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"You don't do that to other women. - I don't know any other women."
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"Maybe you should go out and meet some."
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"Easy for you, you're a happening guy."
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"Well, true."
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"But anybody can do it. I mean, you see a woman, you smile."
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"Pay her a compliment, ask her her name. It's easy."
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"Can somebody help me, please?"
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"Can I help you? - Yeah."
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"Ah, fantastic. - Yes, and speaking of fantastic..."
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"...you have perfect bone structure for having babies."
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"What your name is? - Uh..."
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""Levi Strauss.""
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"Hello, Levi. My name is Balki."
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"Well, I got off in New York, but then I took the bus to Chicago."
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"It's my kind of town, Chicago is."
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"Levi, after work, do you want to have a happy hour with me?"
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"He's from another country. And he has a head injury."
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"Don't you give me that face."
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"I did just what you told me. It didn't work."
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"Balki, that's not how you meet women. That's how muggers meet women."
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"Gentlemen, front and center. I'm going to the track."
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"Mr. Twinkacetti, how do you get dates?"
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"Well, that's easy."
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"You see a woman, you offer her 50 bucks, not a penny more."
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"I don't think that's the kind of date he's talking about."
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"Does that mean I don't get to play St. Francis in the school play?"
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"Balki, you gotta go to a place where single women hang out."
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"Maybe you should just go to a singles bar. - Oh, a singles bar. I have seen that on TV."
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""Give me a light. Go for the gusto.""
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""Here's to good friends.""
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"Will you come with me, Cousin Larry? Tonight is kind of special."
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"No. Balki, a single's bar is not my first choice of places to meet women."
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"I prefer more formal situations, you know, uh..."
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"...weddings, tax audit, Heimlich Maneuver."
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"No, I just don't like those kinds of places."
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"Please, you have to go with me. You're the love expert."
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"I don't think so."
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"Oh, Bobo..."
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"I see."
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"You're afraid if I learn the secrets of your power, I'll misuse it."
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"Yes, that's it."
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"So this is one of your American mating places."
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"Meeting. A meeting place."
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"People meet each other here. They mate somewhere else."
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"So many beautiful women."
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"Yes, and you'll notice that none of them have men wrapped around their ankles."
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"You know, you're right."
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"You really know your stuff, Cousin Larry."
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"This is not a cafeteria."
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"Go slow. Take it easy. Be cool."
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"I know how to be cool."
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"Hey, mama. You be getting down with your bad self."
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"What are you doing?"
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"Everyone is looking at us. I don't like that."
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"Now, the first thing is what we call eye contact."
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"Eye contact. Like the Three Stooges?"
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"All right, I'm gone. I'm out of here. - No, no, cousin, cousin."
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