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Clips from The Simpsons - Bart the Genius (S01E01)

""Id." Triple word score."
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"- As in,"This game is stup-id." - Hey, shut up, boy."
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"We come from Springfield and we sell swampland"
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"one of my fellow children is vandalizing school property."
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"Over there, sir. See?"
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"Hmm."
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"Good. Okay. Simpson?"
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"Same time, same place?"
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"Now, I don't want you to worry, class."
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"They merely determine your future social status and financial success. If any."
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""At 7:30 a. m., an express train traveling 60 miles an hour..."
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"Shh! Visualize it, Bart."
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""At the same time, a local train traveling 30 miles an hour...""
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"equal to half the number of minutes past the hour get off..."
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"but three times as many plus six get on."
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"Certainly, Martin."
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"Are those naughty dogs back again?"
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"He's a good boy now, and he's getting better..."
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"That's exactly the kind of crapola that's lousing him up."
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"Yeah, it's a crummy system, but what are you gonna do?"
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"- That was the idea. - Oh."
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"By itself, something like this might not call for an extreme penalty..."
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"Bart's behavior is unruly."
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"He's frequently absent from school, then gives teachers pathetic excuse notes..."
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"Well, at any rate, it is my reluctant decision--"
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"- He says it's urgent. - Send him in."
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"Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, this is our district psychiatrist, Dr. J.Loren Pryor."
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"What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts."
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"Oh, on the contrary. I have some very exciting news for all of us."
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"- Bart? - This lunkhead? - Impossible."
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"is forced to slow down to the pace of a normal person..."
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"he's probably going to lash out in ways like these."
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"that doesn't rely on grades and rules and bells and buzzers."
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"- Does that sound good, Bart? - Sign me up, Doc."
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"Show up around nine-ish."
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"I think we're all in a mood to celebrate."
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"Aw, come on, Mom."
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"It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart."
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"Here. Let me show you how to put on a tie."
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"Thanks, Dad."
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"There's nothing wrong with a father kissing his son. I think."
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"Now go on, boy, and pay attention."
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"that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations."
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"You know, sentences spelled the same backwards and forwards."
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"Cool hamsters. What are their names?"
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"Hamster Number One has been infected with a staphylococci virus."
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"Discover your desks, people."
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"of our collective experience, Bart Simpson."
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"that free will is an illusion."
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"Freud shows how childhood shapes our subconscious mind..."
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"Does anyone else have an example of a paradox?"
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"Bart, what other paradoxes affect our lives?"
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"on the eighth moon of Jupiter from my lunch..."
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"Uh, guess you don't want to overheat the old noggin, eh?"
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"so I got tickets to the opera tonight."
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"Toreador, oh, don't spit on the floor"
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"Bart, stop fooling around."
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"Homer, stop encouraging him."
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"P.U.When is this over?"
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"It ain't over till the fat lady sings."
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"And if you determine the rate of change in this curve correctly..."
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"Har-dee-har-har. Get it?"
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"Oh, yeah."
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"- The what? - Oh, sorry, Bart."
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"Your mother bought us tickets to a snooty movie..."
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"All right, Homer. Come on, baby."
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"Don't worry, Home boy. You're not that fast."
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"All right, keep going."
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"'Course I do."
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"Sorry."
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"- Lord, no. - Well, then, what can we do to make you happy?"
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"I wanna go back to my old class."
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"Undercover? Bart, I'm intrigued. Go on."
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"you misspelled "confession.""
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"Well, I bet it's nothing a little turpentine won't take off. Come on, son."
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"- What? - I cheated on the intelligence test."
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"Me and you have done stuff together."
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"and we're closer than we've ever been."
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"- No way, man. - But-- Son, if you don't come out..."
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"You think I'm dumb enough to fall for that? I'm insulted."
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"Come on, Mom."
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"Yeah, Mom. Hurry up."
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"All right. Mmm. How about "he"?"
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"Two points. Your turn, dear."
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"Hmm. How could anyone make a word out of these lousy letters?"
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"Oh, wait. Here's a good one." Do.""
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"- Hey, no abbreviations. - Not I.D., Dad."Id." It's a word."
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"for your big aptitude test tomorrow."
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"- We got one? - I think it's under the short leg of the couch."
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""Id: Along with the ego and the superego..."
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"one of three components of the psyche.""
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"- Get outta here. - My turn." Kwyjibo.""
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"K-W-Y-J-I-B-O."
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"Twenty-two points, plus triple word score..."
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"plus 50 points for using all my letters."
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"You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a "kwyjibo" is."
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"" Kwyjibo." Uh--"
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"A big, dumb, balding, North American ape with no chin."
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"- And a short temper. - I'll show you a big, dumb, balding ape!"
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"Uh-oh. Kwyjibo on the loose."
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"you there. No chewing gum on school grounds. In the trashcan with it."
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"Principal Skinner..."
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"Oh? Where?"
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"- Look out, Bart. Here comes Skinner. - Yikes!"
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"Whoever did this is in very deep trouble."
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"The preferred spelling of"wiener" is w-I-e-n-e-r..."
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"although "e-I" is an acceptable ethnic variant."
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"Good point. Boys, let's see your hands."
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"Mm-hmm."
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"You might say you caught him red-handed."
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"Simpson, you and I are going to have a little talk."
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"Yes. In my office after school."
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"Ooh!"
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"Bart, I hope you won't bear some sort of simpleminded grudge against me."
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"- Eat my shorts. - Pardon?"
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"These tests will have no effect on your grades."
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"Mrs. Krabappel, isn't Bart supposed to face the window..."
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"so he won't be tempted to look at his neighbor's paper?"
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"You're right, Martin. Bart?"
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"Remember to visualize the complex problems, and relax."
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