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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Walks Into a Bar! (S02E02)

"I'll claim my farts in yoga."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'll claim all of 'em!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What I want is for you to fight back!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Don't quit!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"How dull it is to pause,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"not to shine in use!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"as I did Jenny Chamberlain"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"at last year's Christmas Ho-Ho-Ho Down!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(GASPS) Jinx."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So I built him some window boxes for his tomato plants,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"his basil, his mozzarella bush..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Shoot. Those guys are from the site."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I said don't do anything gay!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And don't stay stuff like theater,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"or salad, or Hey, let's all take a bath."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You know what? Just let me do the talking."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm used to that, #WentThere."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You know I love your bitchy muttering, but not now."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"'Sup?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Eh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Just put the food in the fridge."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I guess I should eat all the oysters first."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But then I'd be so horny!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, Jacqueline, you can't give up."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You can go to the bathroom and find a beautiful man."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you're just going to town on a mop."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(JACQUELINE) Nothing good is going to happen!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I have no venue, no entertainment,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and worst of all, no donors."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You have us."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Ugh, why would you say that?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"When you moved to New York,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but by the time I met you,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you used towels with your initials on them as toilet paper."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No one did."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's what I'm saying."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You did the impossible, and you can do it again."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Just think back."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"How did you do it the first time?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I didn't do anything."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I was young and beautiful, and I trapped a man."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I don't have any skills."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My only education is Snapple caps."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"An ostrich can run 30 miles an hour."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What? No. Help!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(RINGTONE CHIMING)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What do you want, Deirdre?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I want you to know I am filling my maid's purse"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"with silverware right now"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"to what you and I almost had."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- I need you! - Why?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm just a dumb country girl"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"whose greatest accomplishment is getting pregnant"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"with a married man's child"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"after scraping his sperm off an airplane toilet."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Ugh, fine. I give up."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, actually..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's not where they come from."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Do you have a plan?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Yes! - I did it!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"We have a lot of work to do."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Mimi, lock yourself in a closet."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Turdgun."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"We need all the help we can get."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hi, Keith, it's Kimmy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Look, if you still want to get together,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"my boss is having a party tonight."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's not. I checked."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"so maybe you have a fancy uniform?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Anyhoo, said the any owl..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"If you are satisfied with your message,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"press one."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Listen up, side-pieces."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and I was once like you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Let her talk."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"She's the best I've ever seen."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"all gay people know how to arrange flowers."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Why don't I ask you to do some prop comedy, Carrot Top?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I have a lot on my mind right now."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It turns out, around other people,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Mikey doesn't talk at all."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Do you understand what that means?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He's not just babbling,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"he's trying to open up to me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He doesn't have anyone else he can talk to."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Wow, that's a big responsibility."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"really listening to them, means not just hearing,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And... Hey, not cool, Titus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I have to save my ear energy for Mikey."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"For him, I will be a listener."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It will be my toughest role ever."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You look lovely."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You came."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So you do have a plan."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(GASPS) Are you here to kill me?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"A plan? Please."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but a mistress knows how to make a $10 gown look couture."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(MIMI) I smell a man!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I landed acclaimed performer"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"At least, that's what my guests will think"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"when Mimi Kanassis lip-syncs Chandelier."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(DEIRDRE) Not bad."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, but I've got them, Deirdre."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- A reality show? - His wife explodes?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, what you want most"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"is one romantic night out with your man."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He bought me perfume,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"the same as his wife's."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"inside a housekeeping cart?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"to make that happen?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Reg wants me to pretend"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But a good mistress knows to withhold it"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(PHONES CHIME AND VIBRATE)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, no, there's an emergency at work."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I need your cane!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I've never been so humiliated."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My God. I've never failed before."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, thank you, Jacqueline."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"(LAUGHING)"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Brava, Jacqueline."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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