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Clips from Arrested Development - My Mother the Car (S01E01)

"Look, I don't want to go through a whole song and dance with you. You're going to love it."
Arrested Development
"You just can't do anything that violates the original painting, like giggling or itching."
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"They do allow some nervous crying, but you can tell they don't like it."
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"And Maeby was teaching her parents a lesson for forgetting her..."
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"Who knows how long I'll be gone?"
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"when she spotted George Michael."
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"Nice pecs. Got a kickin bod."
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"Thus, George Michael found a compelling reason to keep the muscle suit on."
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"Law offices of Barry Zuckerkorn."
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"It's Michael Bluth for Barry."
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"- I'm not here. - Barry's not here. Can I give her a message?"
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"Tell her she needs to whisper a little softer next time..."
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"and I'm not paying for this phone call."
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"I am not a girl, you bow-tied..."
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"Go on. Call me something. I'm redoing my kitchen."
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"That's it. I've had it with this jerk Barry."
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"I'm going to make Mom sit down with Wayne whether she likes it or not."
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"- You're the jerk. - Did I just wake you up? I didn't know you were home."
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"No, Michael, I don't just sleep all day."
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"Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael..."
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"that she tried meditating to calm herself..."
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"but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap."
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"Yeah, this suitcase should be big enough."
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"Where is all this coming from? I thought we were getting along."
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"Yeah, so did I. And now I hear you're telling our mother..."
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"that I'm completely irresponsible and a stay-in-bed mom."
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"That doesn't even sound like me."
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"That sounds like Mom or Bruce Vilanch."
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"- Could be Bruce Vilanch. - Then why would she say it?"
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"- Because we're getting along. - Because we're friends again."
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"You gotta remember Mom typically has nothing in her system..."
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"except a bottle of vodka and an estrogen pill."
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"Speaking of which..."
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"Michael and Lindsay proceeded to drink..."
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"and air their grievances about their mother."
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"She's always trying to get me to admit that my marriage isn't working."
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"- And how's it going with you and Tobias? - It's not working."
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"And that's why I wanted her help with my credit card debt."
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"I'm trying to take at least some of the pressure off this marriage."
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"And if anything, it's worse now that we're sharing a bedroom."
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"You guys were not sharing a bedroom before?"
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"Well, the cutoffs aren't exactly a turn-on."
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"- What's the deal with the cutoffs? - You've got to promise not to tell anyone this."
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"- Okay. - He's a never-nude."
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"Is that exactly what it sounds like?"
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"Tobias suffered a rare psychological affliction..."
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"of never being able to be completely naked."
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"Excuse me. Do these effectively hide my thunder?"
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"Oh, I'm sorry. No, I need you to be completely undressed."
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"I am completely undressed."
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"- I thought he just liked cutoffs. - Me too."
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"What about you? What's going on with your love life?"
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"Have you even met anyone since your wife?"
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"That is the one subject I am not eager to talk about, Lindsay."
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"I love Marta."
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"- Mom's housekeeper? - Gob's girlfriend."
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"- Oh, my God. - Yeah."
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"Listen. You're a great guy, and if she doesn't see that..."
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"- then someone else will. - You know what else, Lindsay? You're great."
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"And I'm gonna move some money around if it's gonna help you get out of debt."
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"- No, Michael. - Yeah."
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"The hell with Mom. And here. Mom's never gonna get between us again."
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"The next day, Buster, having pawned off playing Adam..."
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"went to Lucille 2 to ask her out for Christmas Eve."
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"That is terrific 'cause I got two tickets to the pageant!"
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"My... My mother's going to be there."
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"And George Michael was trying to pass..."
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"- as a more muscular boy than he actually was. - One hundred."
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"One hundred? I had you at 10."
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"I did some earlier in the day. It's a running total. So what's with the suitcase?"
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"It's a little test to get my parents to notice me."
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"You ever get the feeling like no one even sees you?"
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"I've got a really good body, so... no."
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"Hey, gang. What you doing?"
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"- Just packing up. Packing it on up. - Uh-huh."
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"Listen, can I talk to you alone for a moment?"
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"- I'll leave you two alone here. - Oh, no, George Michael, I meant you."
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"Maeby, can we have the room?"
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"So, as you know, I was hoping to play Adam in this thing..."
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"and I want you to know that I am not threatened."
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"You know, I'd be happy to let you play Adam."
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"Give me the suit. Give me the suit."
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"I'm actually wearing it right now, and I can't tell you why."
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"You're wearing it right now?"
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"I have to wear it all the time. You'd never understand."
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"Oh, please. I'll never under..."
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"I'll never understand... that you can never be nude?"
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"I understand more than you'll never know."
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"Yikes."
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"Michael finally arranged a meeting with attorney WayneJarvis."
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"Looking for a more professional approach to our representation."
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"Well, I'm a professional."
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"- I'm serious, and I'm a professional. - That's fantastic."
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"- So how long have you been practicing... - I also don't like small talk."
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"I find that unprofessional. Why should I be billing you for small talk..."
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"when I'm enjoying it as much as you are?"
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"Then this must be a freebie 'cause I'm having a ball."
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"When you're ready to get serious, give me a call."
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"No, no! No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm serious. I'm ready."
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"Good. If you retain my services, I will get your father out of jail..."
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"and we will be countersuing before the end of the year."
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"We're gonna get this company's name back to where it started."
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"- Or hopefully higher. - I didn't say that. Don't hold me to that."
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"I won't, and I appreciate that to a wonderful degree."
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"My mother is on her way up here..."
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"and she's resistant to the idea of hiring a new attorney."
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"If she even sees you, she probably won't come in the room."
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"I shall duck behind the couch."
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"What a pro."
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"- Michael. - Hi."
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"I need to get the money to get your father out for the pageant."
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"Actually, that's not why I called you here today, and I'm not doing that."
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"I gave that money to Lindsay to pay off her credit card debt."
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"- What'd she do, get you drunk? - No, we just, uh, well..."
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"We did drink a little bit. How'd you know that?"
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"Because that's what she said she'd do."
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"I said you wouldn't give her the money, and she said, "He will if I get him drunk.""
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"Probably because she thinks you're a cheap bastard."
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"Oh. Her words."
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"She set me up?"
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