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Clips from Bob's Burgers - Interview with a Pop-pop-pire (S12E12)

Well, fee, fi, fo, fum,

"Well, fee, fi, fo, fum,"

Bob's Burgers

you have a face, and it is dumb, Big Bob.

"you have a face, and it is dumb, Big Bob."

Bob's Burgers

LOUISE: This wasn't the first time Gramps had busted the giant.

"LOUISE: This wasn't the first time Gramps had busted the giant."

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- He had nabbed him for shoplifting, literally. - (gasps)

"- He had nabbed him for shoplifting, literally. - (gasps)"

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- 'Cause he lifted a shop. - Aw, come on.

"- 'Cause he lifted a shop. - Aw, come on."

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I got a bone to pick with you, Giant.

"I got a bone to pick with you, Giant."

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Or, rather, many bones that you crushed

"Or, rather, many bones that you crushed"

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and baked into bread that made people sick

"and baked into bread that made people sick"

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with wild super-mega-farts.

"with wild super-mega-farts."

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- (flatulence) - VILLAGER: Why?!

"- (flatulence) - VILLAGER: Why?!"

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Okay, sure, maybe I used to grind a few villagers' bones

"Okay, sure, maybe I used to grind a few villagers' bones"

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to make bread, but I gave that all up.

"to make bread, but I gave that all up."

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It was too messy and, frankly, really hard to get

"It was too messy and, frankly, really hard to get"

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those bones out of all those little villagers.

"those bones out of all those little villagers."

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We'll see. Some of your bread is

"We'll see. Some of your bread is"

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being tested for villager bones

"being tested for villager bones"

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at the crime lab right now, so...

"at the crime lab right now, so..."

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- (phone vibrates) - Ooh.

"- (phone vibrates) - Ooh."

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It's the lab conveniently calling me

"It's the lab conveniently calling me"

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right at this moment. Hold on.

"right at this moment. Hold on."

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GENE: Wait, how could he have a cell phone

"GENE: Wait, how could he have a cell phone"

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if it's before juice boxes?

"if it's before juice boxes?"

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LOUISE: Fine, it was a landline

"LOUISE: Fine, it was a landline"

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- with a really long cord. - GENE: Got it.

"- with a really long cord. - GENE: Got it."

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Wait a minute, it's not villager bones in the bread?

"Wait a minute, it's not villager bones in the bread?"

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It's beans?

"It's beans?"

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See? I'm innocent.

"See? I'm innocent."

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- Told you you're dumb. - Okay. Sorry, sorry.

"- Told you you're dumb. - Okay. Sorry, sorry."

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That's what the story everyone knows got wrong.

"That's what the story everyone knows got wrong."

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It wasn't the giant who was the bad guy.

"It wasn't the giant who was the bad guy."

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It was the beanstalk.

"It was the beanstalk."

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(Linda gasps)

"(Linda gasps)"

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I was gonna say Mr. Bean. So close.

"I was gonna say Mr. Bean. So close."

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I mean, the giant did grind up some villagers' bones

"I mean, the giant did grind up some villagers' bones"

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at some point, so kind of a bad guy.

"at some point, so kind of a bad guy."

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Also, beanstalks aren't trees,

"Also, beanstalks aren't trees,"

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if that's where you're going with all this.

"if that's where you're going with all this."

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They're, uh, beanstalks.

"They're, uh, beanstalks."

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No, they're trees, and this beanstalk was

"No, they're trees, and this beanstalk was"

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the worst tree of all.

"the worst tree of all."

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Okay, thanks. Bye.

"Okay, thanks. Bye."

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Hmm, it's as though someone wanted it to seem like

"Hmm, it's as though someone wanted it to seem like"

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you were behind all this to take the heat off

"you were behind all this to take the heat off"

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of whoever's really pulling the strings.

"of whoever's really pulling the strings."

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So, if it's beans, where are they coming from?

"So, if it's beans, where are they coming from?"

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Some kind of bean factory? L. L. Bean?

"Some kind of bean factory? L. L. Bean?"

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- What the...? Whoa, whoa. - Huh? Aah!

"- What the...? Whoa, whoa. - Huh? Aah!"

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LOUISE: Suddenly, huge tendrils swoop up and grab Pop Pop and the giant,

"LOUISE: Suddenly, huge tendrils swoop up and grab Pop Pop and the giant,"

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and they find themselves trapped in a crazy cage

"and they find themselves trapped in a crazy cage"

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made of bean vines.

"made of bean vines."

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The beanstalk even grew a lock on itself,

"The beanstalk even grew a lock on itself,"

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so they were totally bean-carcerated.

"so they were totally bean-carcerated."

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BIG BOB: Beanstalk!

"BIG BOB: Beanstalk!"

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GIANT: Wait, why are you so mad?

"GIANT: Wait, why are you so mad?"

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This is so much more uncomfortable for me!

"This is so much more uncomfortable for me!"

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So a beanstalk held my cop-dad prisoner?

"So a beanstalk held my cop-dad prisoner?"

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- And a giant. - Again, I'd be totally fine

"- And a giant. - Again, I'd be totally fine"

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holding off on any story predictions

"holding off on any story predictions"

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until Grandpa actually gets here.

"until Grandpa actually gets here."

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Tina, do you want to know Grandpa's tree story or not?

"Tina, do you want to know Grandpa's tree story or not?"

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Not. I mean, not this one.

"Not. I mean, not this one."

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Well, I'm sorry, but that's the wrong answer.

"Well, I'm sorry, but that's the wrong answer."

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Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.

"Now, where was I? Oh, yeah."

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Pop Pop and the giant were being held prisoner

"Pop Pop and the giant were being held prisoner"

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in a huge vine cage,

"in a huge vine cage,"

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guarded by the beanstalk's henchmen.

"guarded by the beanstalk's henchmen."

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We're really doing a good job guarding.

"We're really doing a good job guarding."

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- Agreed. - Hey.

"- Agreed. - Hey."

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Why does your boss like

"Why does your boss like"

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making people fart so much anyway?

"making people fart so much anyway?"

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None of your business, but farts are up to

"None of your business, but farts are up to"

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30% carbon dioxide.

"30% carbon dioxide."

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And plants love carbon dioxide, so you do the math.

"And plants love carbon dioxide, so you do the math."

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But also, none of your business.

"But also, none of your business."

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So what happens now?

"So what happens now?"

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Mr. Stalk's probably gonna turn you into fertilizer.

"Mr. Stalk's probably gonna turn you into fertilizer."

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- Ha! - When he doesn't like you,

"- Ha! - When he doesn't like you,"

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he makes you into fertilizer.

"he makes you into fertilizer."

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But when he does like you, you get weekly presents.

"But when he does like you, you get weekly presents."

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Mostly beans, but still.

"Mostly beans, but still."

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Giant, do you have anything that could

"Giant, do you have anything that could"

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help us get out of here?

"help us get out of here?"

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O-Okay, I have this one thing that looks like a toothpick

"O-Okay, I have this one thing that looks like a toothpick"

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made out of a villager's bone, but it totally isn't.

"made out of a villager's bone, but it totally isn't."

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Ah, just pick the lock.

"Ah, just pick the lock."

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We hear you whispering.

"We hear you whispering."

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Don't even think about trying to sneak out of here.

"Don't even think about trying to sneak out of here."

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There's no way to esca-- Oh, they got out.

"There's no way to esca-- Oh, they got out."

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LOUISE: Now it was time for a super cool fight scene

"LOUISE: Now it was time for a super cool fight scene"

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with flips and kicks and kick-flips!

"with flips and kicks and kick-flips!"

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Until Pop Pop and the giant threw the henchmen

"Until Pop Pop and the giant threw the henchmen"

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off the beanstalk.

"off the beanstalk."

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- (yelling) - Falling...!

"- (yelling) - Falling...!"

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- (thudding) - Oof.

"- (thudding) - Oof."

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- Ow! - (sighs) Okay.

"- Ow! - (sighs) Okay."

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Time to figure out how to arrest a beanstalk.

"Time to figure out how to arrest a beanstalk."

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- GIANT: Good luck with that. - (grunts)

"- GIANT: Good luck with that. - (grunts)"

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- (both screaming) - LOUISE: Grandpa and the giant

"- (both screaming) - LOUISE: Grandpa and the giant"

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are suddenly shoved off the beanstalk

"are suddenly shoved off the beanstalk"

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by the beanstalk!

"by the beanstalk!"

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(screaming)

"(screaming)"

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- Oof! - See?

"- Oof! - See?"

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- Doesn't feel so good, does it? - (groans)

"- Doesn't feel so good, does it? - (groans)"

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I fell right on my toothpick

"I fell right on my toothpick"

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that's definitely not a villager's bone.

"that's definitely not a villager's bone."

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Damn you, beanstalk. How do we defeat you?

"Damn you, beanstalk. How do we defeat you?"

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LOUISE: As luck would have it, just then,

"LOUISE: As luck would have it, just then,"

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a Weedwacker salesperson came by.

"a Weedwacker salesperson came by."

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Hello there. (clears throat)

"Hello there. (clears throat)"

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Do you have pesky weeds that you just can't get rid of?

"Do you have pesky weeds that you just can't get rid of?"

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Look no further. I have the perfect solution,

"Look no further. I have the perfect solution,"

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the weed-demon!

"the weed-demon!"

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Allow me to demonstrate.

"Allow me to demonstrate."

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LOUISE: The salesperson weed-wacks the evil beanstalk.

"LOUISE: The salesperson weed-wacks the evil beanstalk."

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Ha. Yeah, like you could actually cut through.

"Ha. Yeah, like you could actually cut through."

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- Oh, you're doing it. - Ah, boo.

"- Oh, you're doing it. - Ah, boo."

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LOUISE: And it falls, nearly crushing Pop Pop.

"LOUISE: And it falls, nearly crushing Pop Pop."

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(yelling)

"(yelling)"

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Oh, uh, great.

"Oh, uh, great."

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You are... under arrest.

"You are... under arrest."

Bob's Burgers

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