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Clips from MacGruber - A Good Day to Die (S01E01)

"[indistinct chatter]"
MacGruber
"[feedback echoes]"
MacGruber
"[faint indistinct chatter]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- * Al Green took you to the river *"
MacGruber
"* Berlin took your breath away *"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"* The Eagles took it to the limit *"
MacGruber
"* Janis Joplin *"
MacGruber
"* Took another little piece of your heart *"
MacGruber
"* But I *"
MacGruber
"* Don't wanna take *"
MacGruber
"* I wanna give and I wanna live *"
MacGruber
"* And I forgive your primitive *"
MacGruber
"* And pre-emptive attempt to shake *"
MacGruber
"* And bake the rake *"
MacGruber
"* That held my guard and take *"
MacGruber
"- Vicki. - * Your heart *"
MacGruber
"* But you left me like a mess *"
MacGruber
"* Oh, I confess, I failed the test *"
MacGruber
"* To bless my quest to be the best *"
MacGruber
"* To win your heart which was a part *"
MacGruber
"* Of the start of my art which turned me upside down *"
MacGruber
"* A frowning clown all around the town *"
MacGruber
"* Who wore a crown and made the sound of *"
MacGruber
"- What the fuck is this? - Shh."
MacGruber
"- * The bubbles small and tall and heeded the call *"
MacGruber
"* And went to the mall with Lauren Bacall *"
MacGruber
"* And the late Lou Rawls and a Cabbage Patch doll *"
MacGruber
"* And then in the bar, in the car *"
MacGruber
"* With a star ate a Larabar *"
MacGruber
"* With a pirate, arr *"
MacGruber
"* And I met a robot whose name was Bobot *"
MacGruber
"* And we shared a loquat on a tropical donut *"
MacGruber
"* I love to shove above the dove *"
MacGruber
"* Wearing oven gloves with Hilary Duff *"
MacGruber
"* But then Jimmy Buffett took the tuffet *"
MacGruber
"* From Little Miss Muffet *"
MacGruber
"* And he told her to stuff it *"
MacGruber
"* Oh, what a good time with a friend of mine *"
MacGruber
"* And we started to rhyme and it flowed like wine *"
MacGruber
"* And it went like this *"
MacGruber
"* Back hair, fair, tear, share, Nair, hair *"
MacGruber
"* Stare, lair, dare, pear, mare *"
MacGruber
"* Mohair, kiss, piss, tis, list, wiz, this *"
MacGruber
"* Shiz, Liz, yes, yes, this, biss, liss *"
MacGruber
"* Doesn't have to exist if you say it with zest *"
MacGruber
"* There's no rhyme or reason *"
MacGruber
"* 'Cause you don't need a reason *"
MacGruber
"* To run all the time *"
MacGruber
"* Lime, slime, by mine *"
MacGruber
"* I love you, friend *"
MacGruber
"* I love you, lover *"
MacGruber
"* I love *"
MacGruber
"* Love *"
MacGruber
"[chuckles quietly]"
MacGruber
"Thank you. [scattered applause]"
MacGruber
"That's too much. Thank you."
MacGruber
"- Fuckin' good."
MacGruber
"I'd listen to that on the radio."
MacGruber
"- Okay, give it up for"
MacGruber
"Victoria St. Elmo Fasoose."
MacGruber
"[sad music]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- You liked it? - Outstanding."
MacGruber
"- Oh, my gosh! Are you sure?"
MacGruber
"- Outstanding. - Oh, I was so nervous."
MacGruber
"It wasn't too short? - No."
MacGruber
"- Oh, my gosh, I was so nervous."
MacGruber
"[sighs] - You were great."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Oh, oh, yes. [moaning]"
MacGruber
"Oh, right there. Oh, that's amazing."
MacGruber
"Oh, my king! - So close, so close."
MacGruber
"So close. - Oh, you are my king!"
MacGruber
"- So close, so close. Close, close, oh. Oh."
MacGruber
"[both moaning and shouting]"
MacGruber
"[groans]"
MacGruber
"- [moaning] - [panting]"
MacGruber
"- Oh, you're my king. Oh."
MacGruber
"[extremely slow claps]"
MacGruber
"- Bravo."
MacGruber
"- MacGruber?"
MacGruber
"Oh. Oh!"
MacGruber
"- Hope I wasn't disturbing anything."
MacGruber
"- God damn it."
MacGruber
"Where the hell have you been, MacGruber?"
MacGruber
"Half of D.C. is looking for you right now."
MacGruber
"- Relax, I'm gonna do your stupid ass mission."
MacGruber
"- Maybe you've forgotten how things work."
MacGruber
"Remember protocol? Chain of command?"
MacGruber
"God damn it, we expected you at Langley this afternoon!"
MacGruber
"- And I expected me to be married forever."
MacGruber
"But my first wife got blown up at the goddamn altar"
MacGruber
"and my second wife left me to rot in prison"
MacGruber
"and is currently fucking some shit-dick"
MacGruber
"who can barely get her off in the sack three times."
MacGruber
"So, sorry to break it to you, General,"
MacGruber
"but things don't always go as planned, do they?"
MacGruber
"Do they?"
MacGruber
"[somber music]"
MacGruber
"- It must've been hard to see."
MacGruber
"- And hear"
MacGruber
"and smell."
MacGruber
"- Look, Mac, you were given a life sentence."
MacGruber
"Victoria had to move on."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Maybe I shouldn't have come."
MacGruber
"- Where the hell you think you're going?"
MacGruber
"- Don't worry. I'll be there."
MacGruber
"- Mac, my ass is on the line here--"
MacGruber
"- And my life is on the line!"
MacGruber
"I'll be there."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"And, look,"
MacGruber
"I don't mind that you put your penis in Vicki's vagina,"
MacGruber
"but put it in her heart too."
MacGruber
"- You got it, Mac."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- So this is it?"
MacGruber
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