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Clips from This Fool - Sh*t or Get Off the Pot (S01E01)

"- Damn fool. Take a joke."
This Fool
"I thought we could have a nice day together,"
This Fool
"but I guess I was wrong."
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"You're being a bummer about everything."
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"- I just hate hiking. And I thought you did too."
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"- I do hate hiking, but after what went down on your birthday,"
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"it seemed like we might get back together again,"
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"so I Googled, "Top ten things healthy couples do together,""
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"and hiking was number nine."
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"- What were the top eight? - I don't know. I got paywalled!"
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"But apparently you think this was a stupid-ass idea,"
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"so let's just fucking go back home."
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"- Wait. Maggie!"
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"Look. Check it out."
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"A butterfly."
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"Look, I'm in the moment"
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"and I'm appreciating the shit out of that butterfly."
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"Wish this fuckin' butterfly knew how much I was appreciating it right now."
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"Come on. Come on."
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"Come on."
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"- Damn. Don't appreciate it too much."
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"I might get jealous."
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"Fuckin' slut-ass butterfly."
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"- Don't worry, that butterfly has nothing on you."
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"Except, it can fly. [Maggie scoffs]"
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"And has way bigger tits."
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"- Uh-unh."
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"JULIO: Damn. Place ain't bad."
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"Good call."
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"Grass is nice."
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"- These are dairy free,"
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"specifically baked by moi, for your weak-ass body."
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"- Damn. This shit is good."
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"When did you learn to bake?"
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"- Bitch, I bake."
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"- Look who's back."
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"Damn. Those asses are buff!"
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"What if I showed up to your place and I suddenly had a dumper that big?"
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"- Hmm. I'd start you an OnlyFans, move you to the streets."
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"We'd make millions."
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"- A prostitute? Like on Figueroa?"
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"- Yeah."
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"- Don't mind if I do."
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"Oh, shit. That fool's getting down on one knee."
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"Is he about to propose?"
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"- No. His legs couldn't support the weight of his nalgas anymore."
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"♪"
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"Oh, wait. Yes, dude. He's proposing."
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"JULIO: Holy fuckin' shit."
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"The big dumpers are getting married."
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"- If you ever pull some corny-ass shit like this with me,"
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"I'd murder you so bad it'd be on Dateline."
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"- I would never. - Oh."
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"♪"
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"- What you doing?"
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"Maggie."
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"Margarita."
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"[camera shutters clicking]"
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"What you--"
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"♪"
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"♪"
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"- [mouths] Come on. Come over here."
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"♪"
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"♪"
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"[Maggie moaning]"
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"♪"
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"- Oh, God, one more time."
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"- Ohh! - You can still get hard."
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"[moaning]"
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"AIDEN: What's that scar?"
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"- I got shot."
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"- Whoa. Do you think we'll ever get shot?"
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"- Maybe. Life is crazy."
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"- What's that?"
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"- Oh, this is from my favorite book I read while I was in the pen."
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"It's called Harry Potter."
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"You guys know Harry Potter?"
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"- Duh."
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"It's an old book."
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"- Damn, you know my boy Harry?"
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"That's tight."
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"You two are cool as fuck."
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"Probably the most popular kids at school, huh?"
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"- Not really."
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"- What?"
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"Hey, let's get serious, alright?"
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"I'm your favorite tio. You can tell me anything."
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"Is there anybody at school fucking with you?"
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"- Well, there's this one boy that kinda bullies us."
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"- Fuck that!"
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"What does he do to you?"
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"Does he sock you in the gut and give you a titty twister?"
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"- No."
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"- Does he throw wet paper towels at you while you're taking a dump?"
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"- No."
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"- Does he put raw meat on your forehead and try to get a dog to eat it?"
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"BOTH: No! - Then what does he do to you then?"
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"[Luis chuckling]"
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"- Hey, these aren't funny."
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"- Oh, yeah, right. Hey, I'm sorry, homeys."
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"Damn. Bullying has changed since my times."
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"This shit is dark."
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"- Can you go kick his ass for us?"
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"- Yeah, kick his ass."
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"And after that, kick his dad's ass too."
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"- Yeah, yeah, well, I obviously could do that."
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"But, you know, Hugs Not Thugs is teaching me"
This Fool
"that it's better to talk this shit out."
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"- No fighting? Come on."
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"- Yeah, we want violence."
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"- We thought you were cool but it turns out you're just a loser,"
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"you know, like Tio Julio."
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"- Hey, hey, kick back, alright?"
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"I'm nothing like Julio."
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"- Then prove it."
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"- Alright, then, fuck it. Let's go kick this kid's ass."
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"BOTH: Yeah!"
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"- Something's up with my stomach."
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"I just can't eat that many nuggets anymore."
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"- One thing I love about you, Julio,"
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