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Clips from This Fool - Sh*t or Get Off the Pot (S01E01)

"[rattling]"
This Fool
"AIDEN: Fuck you, Michael."
This Fool
"- Okay. Ya. ¡Vámanos!"
This Fool
"I made the mistake of letting the kids split a Cactus Cooler this morning,"
This Fool
"so, good luck babysitting them."
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"Hey, hey, hey."
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"- Hey, you guys excited to kick it or what?"
This Fool
"- Mom, why are you punishing us?"
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"Tio Julio gets tired of playing after one minute."
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"He makes us watch movies from the past."
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"- Mom, please take us to a dentist in Mexico."
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"ROCIO: No."
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"I know your Tio Julio is lame, but he's free, so you better behave."
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"AIDEN: Fine. [doorbell dinging]"
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"- 'Sup, Julio?"
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"- What are you doing here?"
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"- I was-- ROCIO: Hey, Maggie."
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"Ooh. You look hot."
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"- Sí, muy hot, muy hot."
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"- Buenos dias, Esperanza. Cómo estás?"
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"[Esperanza speaking Spanish]"
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"- Girl, you look so cute."
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"I love this jacket. - Oh, my God, thank you."
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"- Hey. I don't mean to be rude,"
This Fool
"but if you wouldn't mind shutting your fucking mouths,"
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"I'm trying to watch the Raiders."
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"- He's so aggro. - Oy..."
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"- What are you doing here, Maggie?"
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"- Well, some old man died,"
This Fool
"and his son is selling his record collection on Craigslist,"
This Fool
"so I was wondering if you'd come pick it up with me."
This Fool
"You know, in case he tries to murder me."
This Fool
"- I can't. I'm taking care of Michael and Aiden."
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"ESPERANZA: Oh, no."
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"LUIS: Hey, if y'all just shut up"
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"and just let me watch my game, I'll take care of the kids."
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"[cheering on TV]"
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"- Mom, could Tio Luis please watch us instead of Tio Julio?"
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"- Oh, you don't want me to take care of you?"
This Fool
"Alright. See how much fun you have with your Tio Luis"
This Fool
"when he starts crying because the Raiders lost."
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"Ooh, I like a horrible franchise."
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"- Bitch, I'll fuckin' kill you. - Yeah, bitch!"
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"- Hey! Watch your language."
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"Will you stop fucking cursing in front of my kids?"
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"You know what? I think it's better for Julio to take care of them."
This Fool
"- Hey, come on. I can take care of these little fools."
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"Promise I won't curse, alright?"
This Fool
"We'll have a nice day together. Don't worry about it."
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"- No, it's just that you're probably gonna eat all their--"
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"- Vámonos. Vámonos. - Hey, bring me some Vicodin."
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"- Bye. - Bye."
This Fool
"♪ theme music playing ♪"
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"♪"
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"♪"
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"- Why couldn't your new boyfriend Julio Tambien protect you?"
This Fool
"[scoffs] Or Is that fool too busy getting his ass whooped at bowling?"
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"- Shut up."
This Fool
"He's not my boyfriend."
This Fool
"You know, women who live without men live longer?"
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"- Seems like you're gonna die young then."
This Fool
"You always got a man around."
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"[laughs mockingly]"
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"- [high-pitched voice] Hope my funeral's fun, bitch."
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"And you better cry, like a lot."
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"And don't move on too fast."
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"Or else I'm gonna come back and fucking haunt you The Ring style!"
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"- Watch the fuckin' road!"
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"Wait. Why are you taking this exit?"
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"And why are you wearing exercise clothes?"
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"And why did you pack a picnic basket"
This Fool
"to pick up something from Craigslist?"
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"Ah, fuck. There is no record collection, is there?"
This Fool
"- I planned a surprise for you!"
This Fool
"I packed us a picnic, and I thought I'd take you on a hike"
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"where we can watch the sunset over the stupid-ass ocean."
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"- I hate hiking! - Damn, fool."
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"Unclench your ass for one second and relax."
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"All you have to do is look pretty and have fun."
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"I planned the whole day out."
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"- Yeah, that's what I'm worried about."
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"- Oh, shut up."
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"- You can't do this to me."
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"I'm being kidnapped."
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"My nephews are in danger all because you wanted to have a fun day."
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"[guffaws]"
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"[laughs]"
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"♪ serene music ♪"
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"[inaudible]"
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"♪"
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"♪"
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"Why didn't you tell me to bring my hiking shoes?"
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"- Because then you would have known we were going on a hike. Duh."
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"And then you wouldn't have come"
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"and seen how beautiful this nature shit is."
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"Mira, que nice. They got trees."
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"JULIO: The mosquitoes are gonna to devour me."
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"They fuckin' love me. I have sweet blood."
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"- I knew you'd complain about bugs, so I came prepared."
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"- I can't use that brand. That shit irritates my skin."
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"It has deet."
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"- [mockingly] That shit has deet."
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"- What's in this bag, bricks of cocaine? This shit is heavy."
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"- Then just let me carry it. JULIO: No, I got it."
This Fool
"There's no reception here."
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"We're gonna get lost and then P-22 is gonna devour us."
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"- What the fuck is P-22?"
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"- You don't know what P-22 is?"
This Fool
"It's a mountain lion that roams this exact same area."
This Fool
"That fool had a bad case of mange, so he was taken out of the wild for a bit."
This Fool
"But now that fool's back, and he's hungrier and stronger than ever."
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"He's gonna smell this basket and then he's gonna devour us."
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"- Did you just learn the word "devour"?"
This Fool
"Stop saying it."
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"WOMAN: Hi."
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"- Hey, check out those muscular asses."
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"If we got lost out here with no food,"
This Fool
"we could eat those asses."
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"- Muscular meat isn't good meat."
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"Those asses will be tough and gamey."
This Fool
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