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Clips from Weeds - Mother Thinks the Birds Are After Her (S04E04)

"Oh, shit. What do you think she told them?"
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"- Everything. - Oh, God."
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"I'm gonna go to jail. I'm gonna get raped. It'll make me hate being gay."
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"Hey, hey, careful. They could be "istening-lay.""
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"They could be what?"
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"- "Othing-nay." - No one's going to jail."
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"Get your stories straight. They wanna know who's running things."
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"- We could turn in Conrad and Heylia. - They're long gone."
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"Of course they are. Black guys never get arrested. But here we sit..."
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"...two milks and a cappuccino, rousted by the man."
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"Mr. Wilson?"
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"You know the name. Use it."
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"Celia. Celia Hodes. H-O-D-E-S."
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"She ran the whole thing."
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"She won't know I said anything, right? Because she is super fierce."
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"Oh, Celia scares me."
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"She's the boss."
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"Nancy?"
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"Never."
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"She's got two children. Wasn't she married to one of your guys?"
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"How crazy would that be? The drug dealer and the DEA agent."
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"No. Makes no sense."
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"Nancy? She and Celia were in PTA together..."
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"...and they were friends for a while, but I think they kind of drifted."
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"Probably because my ex was becoming a drug dealer."
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"Nancy who?"
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"I do know one Nancy, but her name used to be Vince."
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"Is that the same person you're talking about?"
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"Vince?"
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"No?"
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"- How could you leave her like this? - I had errands."
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"- You were at the track. - And the Rite Aid."
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"She was fine."
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"I changed all her bags, cleaned her up and turned on the television."
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"It's not like she has anywhere to go. And I was back before dinner."
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"And excuse me, who the hell are you, bursting in here like this..."
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"...and telling me how to take care of Grandma?"
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"With Not-Francie, no less."
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"- Who? - It's your mother. Never mind."
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"Her name is Nancy."
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"- He knows that. He just won't say it. - Who's Francie?"
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"That's the woman your father should've married."
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"Francie's wonderful. She's an eye doctor."
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"Beautiful, tiny hands that bring sight to the blind."
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"She married a cantor, has four children..."
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"...and is still the number one LASlK surgeon..."
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"...in the whole North County area."
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"Gave me a discount. Now I can see perfect."
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"She's wonderful."
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"- What is that? - Zwiebelbraten with spaetzle."
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"- What? - I don't know. It's German."
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"You sit in my mother's living room..."
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"...eating German food and smelling like gas."
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"She was at Auschwitz, for chrissake. What kind of a monster are you?"
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"I'm a terrible shiksa monster here to terrorize your clan."
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"What do you want from me, Len? It's been 20 years."
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"- Can you get over it already? - Hey, Judah stopped talking to us."
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"Because you'd only call me Not-Francie."
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"Because you refused to come to our wedding."
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"The one time we came down here after Silas was born..."
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"...you told us the baby had eczema..."
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"...because Judah watered down the gene pool."
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"Look who's keeping lists."
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"- Your skin looks much improved. - Gee, thanks."
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"Len, your mother is dying."
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"You're not looking so hot yourself. Isn't it time to make peace?"
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"What do you mean I'm not looking so hot myself?"
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"I've got my hair and muscle tone, and I have excellent posture."
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"Well, fine, Len, you're a God among men."
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"How could I have been so blind?"
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"Must be a little distracted because my house burned down."
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"What, did you leave a scarf over a lamp?"
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"I know people do that sometimes to help with the mood lighting."
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"But, you know, before you know it, everything's in flames."
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"- Do you not watch the news? - I watch SportsCenter."
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"Okay. See that?"
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"Great big fire? Our house, somewhere in the middle of it."
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"It's gone now."
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"Oh, all he cares about's his sportsbook."
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"Like I'm gonna make money on a fire."
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"Let's just go, huh? We can stay at a motel."
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"No, Andy. We can't stay at a motel. We've been driving all day."
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"- Apparently, I smell like gas. - Apparently?"
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"Kids are tired. I'd rather not use a credit card and leave a paper trail."
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"- What, are you on the run? - Yes."
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"Well, that, at least, I can wrap my head around."
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"All right."
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"Here's what we'll do. You and your brother, Klaus..."
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"...can stay in Judah's old room."
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"That was my room too."
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"You can sleep in Judah and Not-Judah's old room."
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"There are sheets in the hall closet."
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"Not-Francie can sleep in Bubbie's room."
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"- Thank you. - All right, we'll see."
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"- So, what'd he do? - Why do you assume it's me?"
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"- Because it's always you. - Okay, shower time."
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"Why are you always such a prick to me?"
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"I'm just not sure you're mine, so I keep an emotional distance."
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"If only it were true and I wasn't looking at the Ghost of Hanukkah Future..."
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"...fighting the urge to throw myself off a cliff."
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"Oh, such drama."
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"Hey, I get laid all the time, and I shit like a Swiss train."
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"You should be so lucky. You can sleep on the couch."
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"- You wanna play poker tomorrow? - No."
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"Okay."
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"Rinse off the Nazi plate, will you? And turn the TV back to my channel."
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"I'm gonna change Ma's diaper and clean her feeding tubes..."
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"...and give her a new nightgown. You should go away. It's not pretty."
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"- I can take it. - Great."
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"- I'll be in the kitchen. - Good."
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"Hey, I'm hungry. Make me a sandwich."
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"We're gonna have to have a discussion..."
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"...about how long this heartwarming family reunion's gonna last."
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"I like Shane, despite his stupid cowboy name."
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"See, he looks like my side of the family."
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"The rest of you...."
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"I don't know."
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"We shall see."
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"All right, get ready, Mom. Rolling you left."
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"Oh, Ma."
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