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Clips from The Goldbergs (2013) - Van People (S02E02)

"Adult adam: Back in the '80s, stand-up comedy exploded."
The Goldbergs (2013)
"We'd spent hours watching the greats like sam kinison,"
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"Garry shandling, billy crystal,"
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"And my personal favorite... (all laughing)"
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"The diceman."
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"I can't believe he said that!"
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"I know! (laughs)"
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"Adult adam: They weren't just my heroes."
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"They were my inspirations."
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"Sure, I never stood in front of a red brick wall with a microphone."
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"(all gasp)"
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"But I still fancied myself quite the comedian."
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"Nothing but rim."
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"(all laughing)"
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"Yep, I wasn't afraid to get my hands dirty to get a laugh."
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"Oh, you got a little something."
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"Uh, right here?"
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"Right here. Oh, right...Right..."
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"Right here, yeah."
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"(all laughing) adult adam: And I knew one day,"
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"I'd get the get the ultimate achievement in comedy... Class clown."
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"Sorry I'm late. Yearbook is killing me."
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"Here, let me carry that for you."
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"So you can see who's getting voted class clown? Nice try."
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"Please. Just let me see it."
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"For your sugar bear?"
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"(sighs) just take it."
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"Yes! I got best hair on a man."
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"Oh, yeah. (chuckles) shut up, dave kim."
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"Read it and weep. I am..."
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"Adult adam: Unfortunately, I got the opposite of that."
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""nicest guy"? Are you fricking kidding me?"
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"What? It's a good thing. Dave kim: No, it's not."
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""nicest guy" is code for "boring guy who just has okay hair.""
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"(school bell rings)"
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"So, who's getting class clown?"
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"Better not be mike levy"
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"'cause he didn't choose for milk to come out of his nose."
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"He has a deviated septum. So lucky."
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"David sirota... By a landslide."
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"Are you kidding me?"
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"People think that putz is funnier than me?"
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"(makes farting noise)"
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"(students laughing) woodburn: Okay."
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"Whoever's doing that, just stop it! Just stop right now."
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"David sirota isn't funny. He's ridiculous."
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"Always dancing in the halls and talking trash at gym."
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"And this bit with mr. Woodburn..."
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"Amateur hour."
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"Everyone knows making poots is cheap."
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"(makes farting noise)"
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"(students laughing)"
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"I am an adult and an educator,"
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"And I command you to stop right now"
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"In the name of stephen hawking. Just stop it!"
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"Is sirota funnier than me?"
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"For sure, bro. You're not funny."
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"Of course, I am! It's a fact."
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"Like africa's hot or the sun sets in the west."
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"I don't know about that stuff,"
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"But I definitely know you're not funny."
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"Erica, back me up here."
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"I'd like to, but barry's right."
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"You use comedy as a defense mechanism,"
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"But that doesn't make you a funny person"
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"That people laugh with."
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"It makes you a lame-o that people laugh at."
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"But funny's my thing."
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"I mean, I'm not an athlete or a brain or a theater star."
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"So, if I'm not funny, what am I?"
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"You're really nice."
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"Stop saying that!"
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"I'm funny, and there's nothing you or anyone else can say"
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"That can change my mind."
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"That's right, squishy."
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"I think you are the funniest boy in the whole wide world."
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"(kissing)"
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"We rest our case."
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"You're a wild and crazy guy!"
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"Again, we rest our case."
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"¶ I'm twisted up inside"
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"¶ but nonetheless I feel the need to say"
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"¶ I don't know the future"
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"¶ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ¶"
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"Adult adam: It was may 10, 1980, something, and my dad was pondering"
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"The number-one issue plaguing all fathers."
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"Okay, I'm going to lainey's."
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"Not so fast! You didn't fill up the car last night."
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"I want a full tank when you get home, no excuses!"
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"Adult adam: Like all dads, mine was obsessed with the gas tank."
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"I drove the car this morning."
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"There's a ton of gas in it."
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"All right, let's take a walk, shall we?"
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"Look at the gas gauge! Look at it!"
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"Yeah, so? It's half full."
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"Which is as good as empty!"
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"Ugh, not this again!"
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"We never break the half-a-tank threshold."
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"My car, my rules!"
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"Fine, then I'll just walk everywhere (clicking)"
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"For the rest of my life! (garage door opening)"
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"Ho, ho! Yeah, go out walking in that."
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"Adult adam: This is how it went with my dad and my sis."
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"They were the two most stubborn people on the planet."
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"I told you, no chewing gum with your braces!"
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"God, it's just a pinch! I can do what I want!"
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"My gum, my rules."
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"Adult adam: Yep, the tiniest of arguments could last months."
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"Both had to win, and neither would ever back down."
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"Ha! I win!"
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"Adult adam: Even if it meant going to the hospital"
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"With a bubble gum related injury."
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"Erica, please."
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"There might be lightning outside."
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"Good. I would rather get struck by a bolt of red-hot sky fire"
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"Than cave to his stupid will."
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"Okay, you know what? I'll fill up the tank."
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"No. You got to back me up on this."
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"My car, my rules."
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"I support you on every stupid little thing."
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