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Clips from Bob's Burgers - Frigate Me Knot (S12E12)

♪ ♪

"♪ ♪"

Bob's Burgers

(Teddy groans)

"(Teddy groans)"

Bob's Burgers

Everything okay, Teddy? You keep looking at that letter

"Everything okay, Teddy? You keep looking at that letter"

Bob's Burgers

and making that noise.

"and making that noise."

Bob's Burgers

Mm. It's an invitation from the navy.

"Mm. It's an invitation from the navy."

Bob's Burgers

What, the navy doesn't have Evite?

"What, the navy doesn't have Evite?"

Bob's Burgers

Are you shipping out, sailor?

"Are you shipping out, sailor?"

Bob's Burgers

Are we talking new navy or old navy?

"Are we talking new navy or old navy?"

Bob's Burgers

Uh, the frigate I served on is getting decommissioned.

"Uh, the frigate I served on is getting decommissioned."

Bob's Burgers

They're gonna scuttle the old girl.

"They're gonna scuttle the old girl."

Bob's Burgers

Buy her dinner first, right?

"Buy her dinner first, right?"

Bob's Burgers

I think I understood three of those words, Teddy.

"I think I understood three of those words, Teddy."

Bob's Burgers

Oh, sorry. A frigate's a ship,

"Oh, sorry. A frigate's a ship,"

Bob's Burgers

and scuttling is sinking it on purpose.

"and scuttling is sinking it on purpose."

Bob's Burgers

Wait, why are they sinking it on purpose?

"Wait, why are they sinking it on purpose?"

Bob's Burgers

Is it because if they can't have it,

"Is it because if they can't have it,"

Bob's Burgers

- no one else can? - Kind of.

"- no one else can? - Kind of."

Bob's Burgers

It's getting decommissioned.

"It's getting decommissioned."

Bob's Burgers

Once a navy ship gets too old to be useful,

"Once a navy ship gets too old to be useful,"

Bob's Burgers

a lot of times, they'll torpedo it.

"a lot of times, they'll torpedo it."

Bob's Burgers

And then it sinks to the bottom of the ocean

"And then it sinks to the bottom of the ocean"

Bob's Burgers

and becomes an artificial reef for fish and sea monsters,

"and becomes an artificial reef for fish and sea monsters,"

Bob's Burgers

- I assume. - Frigate.

"- I assume. - Frigate."

Bob's Burgers

- Gene, don't say "frigate." - It's not a bad word.

"- Gene, don't say "frigate." - It's not a bad word."

Bob's Burgers

I want to hear more about the torpedoing part.

"I want to hear more about the torpedoing part."

Bob's Burgers

Where are they doing it? When are they doing it?

"Where are they doing it? When are they doing it?"

Bob's Burgers

Can we buy tickets to watch?

"Can we buy tickets to watch?"

Bob's Burgers

And can I be the one to push the button?

"And can I be the one to push the button?"

Bob's Burgers

And if I'm the one pushing the button,

"And if I'm the one pushing the button,"

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do I really need to buy a ticket?

"do I really need to buy a ticket?"

Bob's Burgers

Yeah, it's happening next week out at sea.

"Yeah, it's happening next week out at sea."

Bob's Burgers

No one's invited to that.

"No one's invited to that."

Bob's Burgers

But, uh, those of us who served on the maiden voyage

"But, uh, those of us who served on the maiden voyage"

Bob's Burgers

are invited to a ceremony tomorrow.

"are invited to a ceremony tomorrow."

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It's in Bog Harbor

"It's in Bog Harbor"

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because they built part of the ship there.

"because they built part of the ship there."

Bob's Burgers

The toilets, I think.

"The toilets, I think."

Bob's Burgers

That's fun. That's exciting.

"That's fun. That's exciting."

Bob's Burgers

So why are you being all mopey about it?

"So why are you being all mopey about it?"

Bob's Burgers

Well, I'm probably not gonna go.

"Well, I'm probably not gonna go."

Bob's Burgers

What? You have to go. It's a ceremony.

"What? You have to go. It's a ceremony."

Bob's Burgers

Ah, I don't know. I'm just not sure

"Ah, I don't know. I'm just not sure"

Bob's Burgers

I want to run into any of my old shipmates.

"I want to run into any of my old shipmates."

Bob's Burgers

Why not? Don't you want to reminisce

"Why not? Don't you want to reminisce"

Bob's Burgers

about the good ol' days?

"about the good ol' days?"

Bob's Burgers

Put on your little sailor suits

"Put on your little sailor suits"

Bob's Burgers

and dance around the town?

"and dance around the town?"

Bob's Burgers

- Aw. - I mean, I loved being in the navy,

"- Aw. - I mean, I loved being in the navy,"

Bob's Burgers

but, uh, it wasn't all great.

"but, uh, it wasn't all great."

Bob's Burgers

There was this one incident.

"There was this one incident."

Bob's Burgers

Wha...? What happened?

"Wha...? What happened?"

Bob's Burgers

Just a silly little mistake.

"Just a silly little mistake."

Bob's Burgers

Did you launch the nukes accidentally on purpose,

"Did you launch the nukes accidentally on purpose,"

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- wink-wink? - No.

"- wink-wink? - No."

Bob's Burgers

Did you fall in love with a mermaid,

"Did you fall in love with a mermaid,"

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and then she became human for you,

"and then she became human for you,"

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then she missed the ocean, and she returned to the sea,

"then she missed the ocean, and she returned to the sea,"

Bob's Burgers

- and you never got over it? - No, not that.

"- and you never got over it? - No, not that."

Bob's Burgers

Teddy, just tell us the story!

"Teddy, just tell us the story!"

Bob's Burgers

- Sorry. Sorry. - (groans) All right, fine.

"- Sorry. Sorry. - (groans) All right, fine."

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We were in the middle of a deployment

"We were in the middle of a deployment"

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in the middle of the Pacific,

"in the middle of the Pacific,"

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and it was the middle of the night.

"and it was the middle of the night."

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LOUISE: Lot of middles, Malcolm.

"LOUISE: Lot of middles, Malcolm."

Bob's Burgers

TEDDY: I was scrubbing the deck when an officer came by.

"TEDDY: I was scrubbing the deck when an officer came by."

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You always have to salute an officer, so I did.

"You always have to salute an officer, so I did."

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- But he was a ghost. - No, he was really there.

"- But he was a ghost. - No, he was really there."

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But what wasn't there

"But what wasn't there"

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was a railing, so I kind of fell into the ocean.

"was a railing, so I kind of fell into the ocean."

Bob's Burgers

(screams)

"(screams)"

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Which happens sometimes but almost never.

"Which happens sometimes but almost never."

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They rang the bell and stopped the ship and fished me out.

"They rang the bell and stopped the ship and fished me out."

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And everyone woke up and saw it. It was not great.

"And everyone woke up and saw it. It was not great."

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So, hey, you fell off your ship one time

"So, hey, you fell off your ship one time"

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and had to get rescued. Big deal.

"and had to get rescued. Big deal."

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- Two times. - Two times?

"- Two times. - Two times?"

Bob's Burgers

Yeah. I-I fell off a second time, on the same night.

"Yeah. I-I fell off a second time, on the same night."

Bob's Burgers

Yeah, I was showing some guys how easy it is to fall in.

"Yeah, I was showing some guys how easy it is to fall in."

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And then I fell in again.

"And then I fell in again."

Bob's Burgers

(screams)

"(screams)"

Bob's Burgers

Oh, Teddy.

"Oh, Teddy."

Bob's Burgers

I mean, that's not that bad.

"I mean, that's not that bad."

Bob's Burgers

It was bad. I got a nickname.

"It was bad. I got a nickname."

Bob's Burgers

- Captain Drippy? - Admiral Belly Flop?

"- Captain Drippy? - Admiral Belly Flop?"

Bob's Burgers

- Double-Dip. - Double-Dip? Oh, that's good.

"- Double-Dip. - Double-Dip? Oh, that's good."

Bob's Burgers

- Sorry. - For the rest of the deployment,

"- Sorry. - For the rest of the deployment,"

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everyone called me Double-Dip.

"everyone called me Double-Dip."

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Then that's all I was to everybody.

"Then that's all I was to everybody."

Bob's Burgers

So that's why I don't want to go

"So that's why I don't want to go"

Bob's Burgers

to the farewell ceremony tomorrow.

"to the farewell ceremony tomorrow."

Bob's Burgers

No, you got to go.

"No, you got to go."

Bob's Burgers

Lin, it doesn't sound like Teddy wants to go.

"Lin, it doesn't sound like Teddy wants to go."

Bob's Burgers

He needs to go.

"He needs to go."

Bob's Burgers

- I do? - Yes. Otherwise, they win.

"- I do? - Yes. Otherwise, they win."

Bob's Burgers

- They do? - Yeah.

"- They do? - Yeah."

Bob's Burgers

But if you go, you win.

"But if you go, you win."

Bob's Burgers

You'll show them you don't care about some dumb nickname.

"You'll show them you don't care about some dumb nickname."

Bob's Burgers

But I kind of do care about it.

"But I kind of do care about it."

Bob's Burgers

It comes up quite a bit in therapy.

"It comes up quite a bit in therapy."

Bob's Burgers

That and my thing about shopping carts.

"That and my thing about shopping carts."

Bob's Burgers

Look, something similar happened to me

"Look, something similar happened to me"

Bob's Burgers

when I was in high school.

"when I was in high school."

Bob's Burgers

You fell off a high school frigate?

"You fell off a high school frigate?"

Bob's Burgers

No. I was over at Debbie Bernardini's house

"No. I was over at Debbie Bernardini's house"

Bob's Burgers

for a sleepover with a group of girls

"for a sleepover with a group of girls"

Bob's Burgers

who I thought were my friends.

"who I thought were my friends."

Bob's Burgers

We were watching a scary movie that was very popular

"We were watching a scary movie that was very popular"

Bob's Burgers

at the time. I forget what it was called.

"at the time. I forget what it was called."

Bob's Burgers

There was a guy, he was killing people.

"There was a guy, he was killing people."

Bob's Burgers

- You know the one. Anyway, - (gasps)

"- You know the one. Anyway, - (gasps)"

Bob's Burgers

so, someone got killed, and we all screamed,

"so, someone got killed, and we all screamed,"

Bob's Burgers

- and I farted. - (farts)

"- and I farted. - (farts)"

Bob's Burgers

But it turns out it was more than just a fart.

"But it turns out it was more than just a fart."

Bob's Burgers

A little bit of poop came out, too.

"A little bit of poop came out, too."

Bob's Burgers

It was pretty obvious when the smell didn't go away.

"It was pretty obvious when the smell didn't go away."

Bob's Burgers

And I also went into the bathroom,

"And I also went into the bathroom,"

Bob's Burgers

and I might have kind of shouted,

"and I might have kind of shouted,"

Bob's Burgers

"Oh, no, a little bit of poop came out!

""Oh, no, a little bit of poop came out!"

Bob's Burgers

There's poop! There's poop!"

"There's poop! There's poop!""

Bob's Burgers

And they called me Death by Chocolate.

"And they called me Death by Chocolate."

Bob's Burgers

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