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Clips from Arrested Development - Missing Kitty (S01E01)

"Against his better judgment, Michael had recently set out..."
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"to have an uncomplicated one-night stand with this woman."
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"And at his brother's suggestion, he gave a false identity."
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"Chareth Cutestory."
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"And what started as a night of passion with no strings attached..."
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"got complicated the next morning when Michael found out she was blind."
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"He decided to keep seeing her so as not to appear superficial."
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"- If it's a one-night stand, I'm not very good at it. - Wow."
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"But aren't you busy with the trial and everything?"
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"Unfortunately, the woman also turned out to be his father's prosecutor."
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"And so, Michael went to Maggie's to reveal his identity."
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"- But, before he could... - It's an overview of the government's case..."
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"against the Bluth family."
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"What do you think? Do we have a case?"
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"Meanwhile, Michael's son, George Michael..."
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"discovered that his cousin Maeby had been living a double life."
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"Maeby, what are you doing?"
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"I still don't get why you're pretending to be two people, and why is one of you sick?"
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"- Hey, you don't get giant checks if you're healthy. - Please welcome Surely F¸nke."
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"Plus, who's going to get mad at the dying girl?"
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"- Surely's dying? - I figure I'll kill her off just before graduation."
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"- Just so everyone gets really sad before prom. - Someone's going to get hurt."
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"Not to mention it's kind of disrespectful for kids who actually have this."
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"- Not a lot of kids have B.S. these days. - What does that stand for?"
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"I don't know. It's B.S."
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"Michael wrestled with the dilemma..."
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"of whether he should look at the evidence file of the case against his father."
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"- Michael. - Hey, Gob. What the hell are you wearing?"
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"What? Oh, this..."
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"The wife likes me in bright sweaters."
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"Gob, in a series of escalating dares..."
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"recently got married to a woman he had only known for an evening."
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"Your wife? She's still your wife?"
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"Well, I went to break up with her last night, but my timing was not great."
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"- So, I think we should talk. - My parents are getting a divorce."
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"Why aren't you wearing that sweater I bought you?"
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"- What, you don't like it? - No. Of course I like it."
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"just because I like it doesn't mean I have to wear it. I don't wear everything I like."
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"Why don't we just get a divorce? Everybody else is."
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"No! We're not getting divorced."
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"She really wants to stay together, so..."
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"Well, least you finally consummated it, huh?"
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"Consummated."
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"What is up with that prosecutie?"
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"- I hope you didn't break up with her? - No, I didn't."
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"And to make matters worse, she gave me this."
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"It's a summary of the evidence that they have against Dad."
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"Okay, Michael. This makes matters better."
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"Let's just destroy it and move on with our lives."
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"This is not the actual evidence. It's just a list of the evidence."
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"And judging by the amount of boxes she has in her place, I have a feeling there's a lot."
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"A feeling? Oh, don't tell me you won't open it on ethical grounds?"
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"I'm not sure what I'm going to do."
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"- What is with the insane moral code in this family? - Yes, we did it."
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"We're getting rid of the Ten Commandments. The granite ones in front of the courthouse."
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"You know, all it took was the threat of a lawsuit."
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"You're involved with those protesters now? When did that happen?"
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"Oh, who can remember."
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"Lindsay's involvement began hours before..."
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"when, leaving the plea hearing, she first determined..."
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"the Ten Commandments didn't belong there."
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"And they won't even allow me one lousy cigarette!"
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"Honey, they're just heels. They can only support so much weight."
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"I've always been very passionate about the separation of church and state."
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"- What are you gonna do with them? - Give 'em to a school."
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"Can we let another family bring down the Ten Commandments?"
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"This family's already done more than its share."
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"Oh, now you love the Ten Commandments."
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"And yet, you're the one who so conveniently forgot Thou shalt protect thy father..."
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"and honor no one above him unless it beith me... thy sweet Lord."
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"I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob."
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"- I told you someone would get hurt. - If I knew it was you..."
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"- I wouldn't have been so worried. - Hey, what happened to you?"
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"He was trying to help some handicapped girl up to the bleachers, and he fell."
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"It's just a sprain. But at least it's legitimate."
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"Ah, le clumsy adolescence. It's a phase we've all been through."
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"Except for me. I was like a cat. I always ended up on all fours."
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"- Like a cat. - Wait a minute. They don't have ramps at your school?"
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"- Well, not up the bleachers. - You should threaten to sue."
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"- It's free if it's just a threat, you know. - Hey, that's a good idea."
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"No one's gonna sue anybody. I'm not gonna have my son..."
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"start abusing the legal system like the rest of this family."
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"After all, we're gonna need it for years to come."
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"And that's when Michael decided to do the right thing."
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"So what do you think? Do we have a case against this idiot family or what?"
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"Well, that's actually why I wanted to talk to you, Maggie."
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"You see, uh, it turns out that I am actually one of those idiots."
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"I might even be the main idiot. Well, I'm not the main idiot, but I'm the idiot in charge."
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"Yeah. I'm Michael Bluth. Okay?"
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"And I want you to know that I never opened up this folder."
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"And if you could see my face..."
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"uh, you'd see how sorry I am that I lied to you."
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"You feel sincere."
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"Damn it. I have spent the last five hours hating you..."
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"ever since I found out you were Michael Bluth in court."
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"- What? How did you know? - I'm blind, Michael."
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"- I'm not stuffed up. - You smelled me."
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"- I smelled you, baby. - Maggie, why didn't you tell me at your house?"
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"And why did you give me this folder?"
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"I was manipulating you. This isn't the real list."
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"- This is a wish list. - I can't believe you set me up."
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"Well, you lied to me. Chareth Cutestory?"
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"I know.Thou shalt not make up a name in vain."
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"But, you know, I walked into that court, and I saw you there..."
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"- and... this can't happen, right? - You're damn right this can't happen."
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"Look at me. This could get me... Are you actually looking at me?"
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"- Yes, I am. - Okay. I could get disbarred for this."
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"And your dad would have to spend tons more time in prison."
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"I gotta tell you something. The thing that really gets to me is..."
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"that I keep hearing that Michael Bluth is so... cute."
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"Well, I know Maggie Lizer is adorable. You don't know what you're missing."
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"- Really? - Really."
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"- So what are we gonna do? - I guess we're just gonna have to go our separate ways..."
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"- and agree to never speak about this again. - That is probably best, huh?"
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"The least you can do is buy me a drink."
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"Hmm. Yeah. I'll stay for one drink."
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"The next morning, Michael, once again, found himself at Maggie's."
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"- And once again, berated himself for the mistake. - Oh, no."
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"I'm supposed to be at the prison to talk to my dad in half an hour."
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"- I can't believe we did this again. - It was so stupid."
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