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Clips from Flight of the Conchords - The Actor (S01E01)

"sorry but my manager here"
Flight of the Conchords
"has appeared to have made a mistake."
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"Yeah, he thinks you've offered us a record deal."
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"I think you've offered us a rejection deal."
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"No no, he's offered us a record acceptance deal."
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"- That's not right, is it? - No, Murray's absolutely right."
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"Yes, it was a rejection call,"
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"but then I turned you round, didn't I? With my managing."
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"- Yes. - Yeah."
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"He started crying."
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"Ah. Yeah well, anyway,"
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"we're here to negotiate the deal now, aren't we?"
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"- All right? - Exactly."
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"Now listen, guys, I don't want to blow smoke up your ass."
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"No, not gonna... do that sort of thing."
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"We're thinking a $1-million deal"
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"and we are firm on that, okay? That's our final offer."
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"No."
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"No way."
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"- Yes. - No."
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"Okay, two million."
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"I thought you said one million was your final offer?"
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"Two million, but I want a 90/10 split."
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"Ah. I see."
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"Ah. Right."
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"Well, that's a terrible deal,"
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"so, sorry, we can't do it. Oh well."
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"No no no no, let's negotiate."
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"Um, Stefan,"
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"please, what about a... a flip-around?"
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"I mean, if we could go for the 90 and you have the 10?"
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"Super."
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"Whoa. See what I did there?"
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"Huh? Yes!"
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"Where do we sign?"
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"Uh, well, I don't... I don't think we should be so hasty..."
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"- We got it. ...here."
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"- Be hasty. - No."
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"I don't... this is a good deal, you know?"
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"- Yes. - Is it, though?"
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"- Yes. - Is it?"
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"- Yes. - But..."
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"- but is it? - Yes."
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"Well, what about for you? Is it a good deal for you?"
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"Oh, quite frankly, this is a terrible deal for me."
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"Do we want to do deals with people"
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"who do such terrible deals for themselves?"
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"- I think so. - Why not?"
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"- Yeah. - Bret!"
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"Uh... no idea."
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"Yeah, I see. We need to make sure"
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"that your record label has the right ideas for us."
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"Oh, I've got some great ideas."
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"- Name one. - Lunch boxes."
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"Great. Put the band's name on it."
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"- Yeah? - Yes yes yes yes yes!"
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"That could work too."
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"Or... how about this? How about this?"
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"We make a music video to coincide"
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"with the 10th anniversary"
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"of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy."
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"Yup."
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"I know Peter Jackson,"
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"and he was very excited by this idea."
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"Well, that would have to be a "no," though."
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"All right, look. Time-out there, all right?"
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"Sorry, Stefan. I'm just gonna have a word with the guys."
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"All right? Come on."
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"What are you doing?"
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"- I got a little carried away. - Yeah."
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"You weren't supposed to offer him a record deal."
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"I'm sorry about the deal, but from an actor's standpoint,"
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"- Oh! - Jemaine!"
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"Stop annoying him. Come here."
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"- Emergency band meeting. Jemaine? - Yes."
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"- Bret? - Mmm."
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"Murray, present. Now this seems like a really really good deal."
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"Yeah? I haven't seen many music deals."
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"- Any. You haven't seen any. - I haven't seen any."
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"But I know a good percentage when I see one."
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"It does seem a little too good to be true."
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"It is too good to be true."
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"That's why we should go for it."
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"- Come on. - I've done the mathematics in my head."
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"The percentages are in our favor."
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"- There you go. - Yeah."
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"- I know. - I think maybe we should take the deal."
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"Let's put it to the vote. Yeah?"
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"- All those in favor say "Aye." - Hey."
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"- Aye. - Aye."
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"- Nay! - No, two ayes,"
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"one nay, you're gone. Motion carried."
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"We've got it!"
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"Stefan, we'd love to take the $2-million deal!"
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"- Great! - What are you doing?"
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"I just got a bit carried away. I was..."
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"just... Stefan's so good at it."
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"Ben. He..."
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"Yeah, but, I mean, Murray, he's having a good time."
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"I know it's not real,"
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"but lunch boxes..."
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"Congratulations, man. That's awesome."
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"- Way to go. - Thanks, Dave."
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"- Yeah. - Yeah, but it's not real."
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"- Yeah, it's not real. - You know?"
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"I mean, what do you think we should do?"
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"I think you've got to use honesty here."
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"I mean, you know, it's always the best policy."
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"Like, the other day there was five..."
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"or maybe there was like four, really hot foreign chicks,"
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"either like Swedish or Korean in my shop."
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"- Wow. - And they were like, "Dave,"
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"we want to have a five-way with you," and I just told them,"
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"honestly, "Okay.""
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"Then I just gave it to them hard."
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"That's the best way to go."
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"And then after that, they're like, "Hey, will you marry us?""
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"And I was like, "Excuse me, but I don't think"
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"monogamy is legal in this country, I don't know where you're from.""
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"But you've got to try honesty."
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