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Clips from Single Drunk Female - Higher Parent (S01E01)

"-Y-Yes, I did. I did. -Wow."
Single Drunk Female
"I'm a mother and a volunteer member of the PTA."
Single Drunk Female
"I own a condo, I have condo fees,"
Single Drunk Female
"that I pay on time. I even recycle,"
Single Drunk Female
"I separate the bottles by color,"
Single Drunk Female
"just like the state of Massachusetts requires."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay, I know. Wow, that's really responsible of you."
Single Drunk Female
"-Thank you. -I know. I know"
Single Drunk Female
"you're not that person, my God. I..."
Single Drunk Female
"I know that. It's just..."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay."
Single Drunk Female
"-I'm sorry. I'm gonna... -Oh, my God."
Single Drunk Female
"Yes, of course I have a drug dealer, dummy."
Single Drunk Female
"And it is the same one from high school."
Single Drunk Female
"They give me a discount if I bring a new customer, so..."
Single Drunk Female
"let's ride 'em, cowgirl."
Single Drunk Female
"-♪ ♪ -(indistinct chatter)"
Single Drunk Female
"RONNIE: What you having?"
Single Drunk Female
"Uh, do you have any IPAs?"
Single Drunk Female
"I got you."
Single Drunk Female
"Crap."
Single Drunk Female
"(quietly): IPA's the dark one? I always forget."
Single Drunk Female
"Uh... (clears throat) could I change that to..."
Single Drunk Female
"It's... That's actually perf..."
Single Drunk Female
"it's perfect. This is fine. Thank you so much."
Single Drunk Female
"-You want to start a tab? -Uh, yeah."
Single Drunk Female
"Thanks."
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, sorry. Think I'm on your jacket."
Single Drunk Female
"Bitter."
Single Drunk Female
"So, what happens when he gets here?"
Single Drunk Female
"You know, How do-how does he know it's us?"
Single Drunk Female
"Again: known him since high school."
Single Drunk Female
"Also, he is a she."
Single Drunk Female
"Thought you were a feminist. Women can be drug dealers, too."
Single Drunk Female
"No, of course they can. Right."
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, there she is!"
Single Drunk Female
"You ready, Goody Two-Shoes?"
Single Drunk Female
"-Val. -(chuckles): Hey."
Single Drunk Female
"Hey. Wow."
Single Drunk Female
"Look at you cute girls."
Single Drunk Female
"This is my friend Brit, she's interested in purchasing"
Single Drunk Female
"-some merchandise from you. -Hi."
Single Drunk Female
"I'm Brit. I'm so, so very excited for the merchandising."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay. Well..."
Single Drunk Female
"uh, what are you in the mood for? We have got..."
Single Drunk Female
"Katy, Kat,"
Single Drunk Female
"uh, Miss Emma, Lucy, Molly,"
Single Drunk Female
"-Captain Cody. -Mm-hmm."
Single Drunk Female
"Uh, Sad Vince, Little Diane."
Single Drunk Female
"Although go easy on that, because... (vocalizes)"
Single Drunk Female
"Well, I'm just looking for something"
Single Drunk Female
"that's plant-based, organic,"
Single Drunk Female
"locally-sourced, if possible."
Single Drunk Female
"What, like... lettuce?"
Single Drunk Female
"-She's looking for hallucinogens. -Oh."
Single Drunk Female
"-(Felicia and Val chuckle) -Let me just ask you--"
Single Drunk Female
"these-these aren't laced, right? 'Cause I just"
Single Drunk Female
"don't want to end up passed out, drooling"
Single Drunk Female
"or jump off a bridge"
Single Drunk Female
"'cause I think I'm riding a unicorn, you know?"
Single Drunk Female
"Like the stuff that kills teens on 60 Minutes. It's..."
Single Drunk Female
"So, to be clear, your question is"
Single Drunk Female
"are the drugs laced with drugs?"
Single Drunk Female
"Why would I do that?"
Single Drunk Female
"It would just cost me more money."
Single Drunk Female
"-I heard it. -How much do we owe you?"
Single Drunk Female
"$50. Venmo."
Single Drunk Female
"Hit it up. It's, uh, #PotteryVal."
Single Drunk Female
"I also sell ceramics on Etsy."
Single Drunk Female
"-It's my passion. -FELICIA: She's great."
Single Drunk Female
"But drugs is where the money is."
Single Drunk Female
"-Mm. -Here you go."
Single Drunk Female
"Right. (exhales) Um..."
Single Drunk Female
"I've just never done anything like this before."
Single Drunk Female
"Oh, no, it's gonna be just fine."
Single Drunk Female
"You do have a sober person monitoring you, right?"
Single Drunk Female
"I don't want you to freak the hell out. (chuckles)"
Single Drunk Female
"♪ ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"Don't look at me. I can't wait to freak the hell out."
Single Drunk Female
"-(laughs) -That's right."
Single Drunk Female
"What's even worse is she doesn't yell,"
Single Drunk Female
"she just gets disappointed."
Single Drunk Female
"What am I even supposed to do with that, you know?"
Single Drunk Female
"You're kidding me. I ordered another IPA?"
Single Drunk Female
"-You did. -Damn it. I..."
Single Drunk Female
"I wanted a lager. Uh..."
Single Drunk Female
"All right, will you-will you just remember that for next time?"
Single Drunk Female
"RONNIE (laughs): Yeah."
Single Drunk Female
"Do you want this?"
Single Drunk Female
"Yeah. Sure, dude, I'll drink anything."
Single Drunk Female
"Cool."
Single Drunk Female
"♪ ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"-That's efficient. -Mm."
Single Drunk Female
"So, Mom, I... I just..."
Single Drunk Female
"I really don't want to put this off anymore, so, I..."
Single Drunk Female
"-I've been trying to... -Honey, I want to hear what you have to say,"
Single Drunk Female
"but I'm getting something."
Single Drunk Female
"Okay. You brought Dad?"
Single Drunk Female
"I knew if I told you we were sprinkling his ashes"
Single Drunk Female
"you wouldn't come."
Single Drunk Female
"Correct."
Single Drunk Female
"Mom, there's, like, laws against this."
Single Drunk Female
"You need, like, a permit,"
Single Drunk Female
"and you have to ask way in advance..."
Single Drunk Female
"♪ ♪"
Single Drunk Female
"(both sigh)"
Single Drunk Female
"-Okay. Let's do it. -Wait, wait, wait,"
Single Drunk Female
"Mom. Hold on a second, it's..."
Single Drunk Female
"it's not toxic waste, it's Dad, okay?"
Single Drunk Female
"If we're actually gonna do this we should, like,"
Single Drunk Female
"at least say something first, right?"
Single Drunk Female
"-Say something. -Okay."
Single Drunk Female
"Dad..."
Single Drunk Female
"you were my best friend."
Single Drunk Female
"-And... -And you were my best friend."
Single Drunk Female
"You were our best friend."
Single Drunk Female
"And you, uh, you loved this place,"
Single Drunk Female
"you loved Motown, um..."
Single Drunk Female
"you taught me how to play piano."
Single Drunk Female
"You told me not to play the cello 'cause I was bad at it."
Single Drunk Female
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