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Clips from Betas - Kid Charlemagne (S01E01)

"TREY: I take full responsibility."
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"I was just trying to drum up some publicity for BRB,"
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"and she twisted everything that I..."
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"The only thing you should be drumming up"
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"is a goddamn reason I keep your ass around!"
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"Hey, the article made me look bad, too."
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"Just give me a chance to fix it."
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"Absolutely not! You and your team"
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"are on press blackout."
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"I see so much as an Instagram of your dipshit face"
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"before your beta launches, BRB is done!"
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"Dis-fucking-missed!"
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"Don't even start."
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"I know you tried to keep me from betting on Barrett."
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"But you shouldn't have let that Jordan Alexis"
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"get anywhere near this place."
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"Girl's a walking shit-nado."
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"We don't gain anything by alienating ValleySmash."
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"They've become way too big to ignore."
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"Besides, Barrett went behind my back."
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"Short of tranquilizing him, I'm not sure what I could have done."
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"Figure something out."
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"It is your job, after all."
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"Jesus, look at these comments."
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"Someone called me "Mark Fuckerberg's mutant rape-spawn.""
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"Harsh. Was the Murch P.O.'d?"
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"Unless he spits when he's happy."
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"This is a nightmare. I signed a lease."
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"Hey, check it out."
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"My couch pisser video made it onto Reddit."
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"It's got, like, 8,000 views."
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"Who cares, man?"
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"You see I'm trying to mourn my friend?"
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"Of course, yeah. Totally, man."
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"Um..."
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"it's just, carrying around the carcass is kind of weird."
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"No offense."
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"Yeah, well, fuckin' offense taken, man!"
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"All right?"
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"And it's not just a carcass, okay?"
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"It's a metaphor."
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"Am I the only fucking English major in here?"
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"Yeah. How did you even get this in the bar?"
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"It's not an outside beverage, dude."
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"Look, if it makes you feel any better"
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"you're not the first young buck to go down in Jordan's sights."
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"Great."
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"Women are destroyers."
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"Maybe if we just show some progress"
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"on the beta, The Murch will..."
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"What, forget the entire tech world"
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"knows he's into rope bondage?"
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"Fuck that. We gotta hit back, tell our side of the story."
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"What is that, exactly?"
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"I mean, she didn't actually print anything untrue."
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"It's just, y'know, bitchy."
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"Exactly."
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"So, let's own it."
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"How many views for the couch pisser?"
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"8,000 in the last hour."
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"That's what we need to do."
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"She's already given us the stage."
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"And a story."
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"We gotta double down."
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"Hi, I'm Trey Barrett,"
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"co-founder of BRB,"
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"the world's first and only online social network."
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"It's for your computer."
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"You might know me better as the guy ValleySmash recently called"
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""more hoodie than human""
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"and "a shining example of the Silicon Valley wantrepreneur.""
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"True and true."
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"But a wantrepreneur's only as good"
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"as the people whose work he takes credit for."
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"This is my CTO, Nash."
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"He hacked Facebook because he's a fuckin' genius,"
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"and he got a billionaire laid simply because he cares."
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"This is Hobbes."
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"I don't know if that's his first name or his last name."
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"But I do know he founded Anonymous"
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"and brought Citibank to its knees,"
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"which is why he's our Site Security Specialist."
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"He's still on parole."
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"(gulping)"
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"Mitchell here graduated high school at 15."
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"We call him "Jake the Snake" for the way he handles PYTHON."
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"That's a programming language."
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"He's also fluent in Ewok, Elvish and Dothraki."
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"My man here lives to code."
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"So, how do I lead my crackerjack team?"
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"Simple. I don't believe in meetings."
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"I believe... in massages."
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"And free snacks."
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"Now, sure, my grandpa didn't have perks like these,"
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"but he just built the railroads."
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"At BRB, we're connecting people."
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"Dress codes inhibit creativity."
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"At our office, no shoes allowed."
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"Flip-flops are fuckin' shoes, Hobbes!"
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"By now you're probably wondering what it is we're selling."
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"How does BRB work?"
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"Will it get me laid if I'm not a billionaire?"
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"So many questions."
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"But ask yourself..."
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"with a founder's video this awesome,"
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"does it really matter?"
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"MIKKI: Hold it, hold it, cut!"
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"Dude, it totally matters."
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"Yeah, the whole point of this shiz"
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"is to tell people about the beta."
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"If you don't tell them, I will."
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"Ugh!"
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"(clears throat)"
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"I talked to TechCrunch and ValleyWag."
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"They're gonna run with it."
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"Jordan's made a lot of enemies."
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"Nice."
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"What do you think?"
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"Oh, I think you're gonna flame on or flame out."
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"Either way, it ought to be entertaining."
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