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Clips from Cheers - Bar Bet (S03E03)

THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A JOKE, EDDIE.

"THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A JOKE, EDDIE."

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COME ON, NOW, I'M NO EXPERT,

"COME ON, NOW, I'M NO EXPERT,"

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BUT I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE LAW.

"BUT I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE LAW."

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AND THIS SOUNDS LIKE A CROCK, PAL.

"AND THIS SOUNDS LIKE A CROCK, PAL."

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NO WAY YOU'LL EVER OWN THIS BAR.

"NO WAY YOU'LL EVER OWN THIS BAR."

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WELL, WHEN I TAKE OVER,

"WELL, WHEN I TAKE OVER,"

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I'M THINKING OF SERVING FREE CHICKEN WINGS.

"I'M THINKING OF SERVING FREE CHICKEN WINGS."

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SORRY, SAM, THE LAW'S THE LAW.

"SORRY, SAM, THE LAW'S THE LAW."

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WE USED TO HAVE THOSE LITTLE MEATBALLS.

"WE USED TO HAVE THOSE LITTLE MEATBALLS."

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YOU KNOW, WITH A STERNO FLAME.

"YOU KNOW, WITH A STERNO FLAME."

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I DON'T WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS PERSONALLY,

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS PERSONALLY,"

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BUT AS A DRINKING PARTNER, YOU STINK.

"BUT AS A DRINKING PARTNER, YOU STINK."

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WELL, SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY, SAM.

"WELL, SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY, SAM."

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LOOK, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW AT MIDNIGHT...

"LOOK, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW AT MIDNIGHT..."

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WHEN THE BAR BECOMES MINE.

"WHEN THE BAR BECOMES MINE."

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HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SERVING

"HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SERVING"

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THOSE LITTLE CRAB PUFFS? THEY'RE VERY POPULAR.

"THOSE LITTLE CRAB PUFFS? THEY'RE VERY POPULAR."

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MELVILLE'S HAS A RECIPE WITH MUSTARD SAUCE.

"MELVILLE'S HAS A RECIPE WITH MUSTARD SAUCE."

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IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS,

"IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS,"

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YOU DON'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON.

"YOU DON'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON."

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MOST SNAKES DON'T.

"MOST SNAKES DON'T."

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WE'LL FIND OUT IN COURT.

"WE'LL FIND OUT IN COURT."

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YEAH, MY ATTORNEY'S LOOKED IT OVER.

"YEAH, MY ATTORNEY'S LOOKED IT OVER."

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HE SAYS WE GOT A SHOT.

"HE SAYS WE GOT A SHOT."

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SAM, DON'T GET SO UPSET.

"SAM, DON'T GET SO UPSET."

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YOU'RE STILL GONNA HAVE YOUR JOB.

"YOU'RE STILL GONNA HAVE YOUR JOB."

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I'M GOING TO NEED A BARTENDER.

"I'M GOING TO NEED A BARTENDER."

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YOU ACTUALLY WENT OUT DRINKING WITH THAT MAN?

"YOU ACTUALLY WENT OUT DRINKING WITH THAT MAN?"

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THAT'S NOT THE WORST OF IT.

"THAT'S NOT THE WORST OF IT."

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I THINK I PICKED UP THE BILL.

"I THINK I PICKED UP THE BILL."

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OH...THIS HAS GOT TO BE A JOKE, DOESN'T IT?

"OH...THIS HAS GOT TO BE A JOKE, DOESN'T IT?"

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WHY DON'T YOU LET AN ATTORNEY TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.

"WHY DON'T YOU LET AN ATTORNEY TAKE A LOOK AT THAT."

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DO YOU KNOW ONE?

"DO YOU KNOW ONE?"

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HAVE YOU FINALLY PASSED THE MASSACHUSETTS BAR

"HAVE YOU FINALLY PASSED THE MASSACHUSETTS BAR"

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ON THE RARELY USED PITY CLAUSE?

"ON THE RARELY USED PITY CLAUSE?"

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YOU KNOW, WHEN I PASS MY BAR EXAM, CLIFF,

"YOU KNOW, WHEN I PASS MY BAR EXAM, CLIFF,"

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YOU ARE GOING TO EAT YOUR WORDS.

"YOU ARE GOING TO EAT YOUR WORDS."

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IF I'VE GOT ANY TEETH LEFT.

"IF I'VE GOT ANY TEETH LEFT."

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ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU THINK THERE,

"ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOU THINK THERE,"

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MR. WITLESS FOR THE PROSECUTION?

"MR. WITLESS FOR THE PROSECUTION?"

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IT APPEARS THAT YOU AND EDDIE GORDON SIGNED AN AGREEMENT

"IT APPEARS THAT YOU AND EDDIE GORDON SIGNED AN AGREEMENT"

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WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE BINDING.

"WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE BINDING."

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OH, HEY, TOM, KNOCK OFF THE LEGALESE, WILL YOU?

"OH, HEY, TOM, KNOCK OFF THE LEGALESE, WILL YOU?"

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TALK IN A LANGUAGE WE CAN UNDERSTAND HERE.

"TALK IN A LANGUAGE WE CAN UNDERSTAND HERE."

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YOU WANT TO TRUST ME HERE, SAM?

"YOU WANT TO TRUST ME HERE, SAM?"

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THIS THING WILL NEVER HOLD UP.

"THIS THING WILL NEVER HOLD UP."

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YOU WERE DRUNK AT THE TIME, RIGHT?

"YOU WERE DRUNK AT THE TIME, RIGHT?"

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AND BESIDES, IT'S NOT A CONTRACT.

"AND BESIDES, IT'S NOT A CONTRACT."

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IT'S A WAGER.

"IT'S A WAGER."

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YOU'RE GONNA WIN THIS CASE EASY.

"YOU'RE GONNA WIN THIS CASE EASY."

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TOM'S RIGHT. LET THIS EDDIE PRESS HIS CASE.

"TOM'S RIGHT. LET THIS EDDIE PRESS HIS CASE."

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WE'LL ENGAGE AN EXCELLENT LAWYER

"WE'LL ENGAGE AN EXCELLENT LAWYER"

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AND MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF THAT MAN.

"AND MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF THAT MAN."

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OH, BOY. OH.

"OH, BOY. OH."

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WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?

"WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?"

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IF YOU DON'T TRUST TOM,

"IF YOU DON'T TRUST TOM,"

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GET A SECOND OPINION.

"GET A SECOND OPINION."

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YEAH.

"YEAH."

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NO. I CAN'T LET EDDIE TAKE ME TO COURT.

"NO. I CAN'T LET EDDIE TAKE ME TO COURT."

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WHY NOT?

"WHY NOT?"

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I'D HAVE TO STAND UP AND TESTIFY I WAS DRUNK

"I'D HAVE TO STAND UP AND TESTIFY I WAS DRUNK"

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AND MADE AN IDIOT OF MYSELF.

"AND MADE AN IDIOT OF MYSELF."

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ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE PUBLICITY?

"ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE PUBLICITY?"

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YEAH. I MEAN, THE PRESS WASN'T EXACTLY KIND TO ME

"YEAH. I MEAN, THE PRESS WASN'T EXACTLY KIND TO ME"

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WHEN I DRANK MYSELF OUT OF BASEBALL.

"WHEN I DRANK MYSELF OUT OF BASEBALL."

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I'D ALMOST RATHER LOSE THE BAR

"I'D ALMOST RATHER LOSE THE BAR"

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THAN GO THROUGH THAT HUMILIATION AGAIN.

"THAN GO THROUGH THAT HUMILIATION AGAIN."

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OH, SAM.

"OH, SAM."

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QUIT ACTING HUMAN. IT CONFUSES ME.

"QUIT ACTING HUMAN. IT CONFUSES ME."

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I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU

"I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU"

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COULD JUST GO AHEAD AND MARRY HER, COULD YOU?

"COULD JUST GO AHEAD AND MARRY HER, COULD YOU?"

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OH, YEAH. FIND, MEET, WOO JACQUELINE BISSET IN 2 DAYS?

"OH, YEAH. FIND, MEET, WOO JACQUELINE BISSET IN 2 DAYS?"

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HEH. AH, IT'D TAKE AT LEAST A WEEK.

"HEH. AH, IT'D TAKE AT LEAST A WEEK."

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YOU KIDDIN' ME? 5 WORKIN' DAYS TOPS, SAM.

"YOU KIDDIN' ME? 5 WORKIN' DAYS TOPS, SAM."

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HEY, WAIT, I GOT AN IDEA.

"HEY, WAIT, I GOT AN IDEA."

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YOU MEAN YOU'VE ACTUALLY CONCEIVED SOMETHING BESIDES A CHILD?

"YOU MEAN YOU'VE ACTUALLY CONCEIVED SOMETHING BESIDES A CHILD?"

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WHOO. OOH.

"WHOO. OOH."

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A BITTER AND UNPROVOKED ATTACK.

"A BITTER AND UNPROVOKED ATTACK."

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I LIKE IT.

"I LIKE IT."

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WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

"WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?"

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THIS THING HERE, IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING

"THIS THING HERE, IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING"

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ABOUT HAVING TO MARRY THE JACQUELINE BISSET, THE MOVIE ACTRESS.

"ABOUT HAVING TO MARRY THE JACQUELINE BISSET, THE MOVIE ACTRESS."

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THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE THAN ONE JACQUELINE BISSET

"THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE THAN ONE JACQUELINE BISSET"

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IN THE WORLD.

"IN THE WORLD."

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MARRY ONE OF THOSE, WIN THE BET, GET A QUICK DIVORCE.

"MARRY ONE OF THOSE, WIN THE BET, GET A QUICK DIVORCE."

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EDDIE WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY A THING.

"EDDIE WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY A THING."

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YOU MEAN ALL I HAVE TO DO

"YOU MEAN ALL I HAVE TO DO"

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IS FIND ANOTHER JACQUELINE BISSET

"IS FIND ANOTHER JACQUELINE BISSET"

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AND MARRY HER BY TOMORROW NIGHT? IT CAN'T BE THAT SIMPLE.

"AND MARRY HER BY TOMORROW NIGHT? IT CAN'T BE THAT SIMPLE."

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UH, SAM--

"UH, SAM--"

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HUSH, HUSH, HUSH. I'M THINKING.

"HUSH, HUSH, HUSH. I'M THINKING."

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SOMEONE NOTE THE DATE AND THE TIME.

"SOMEONE NOTE THE DATE AND THE TIME."

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GUYS, YOU GOT TO HELP ME.

"GUYS, YOU GOT TO HELP ME."

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WE GOT TO CALL INFORMATION ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

"WE GOT TO CALL INFORMATION ALL OVER THE COUNTRY."

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SAMMY, I THINK I CAN ALREADY HELP YOU OUT THERE.

"SAMMY, I THINK I CAN ALREADY HELP YOU OUT THERE."

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AT HOME I HAPPEN TO HAVE THE PHONE BOOKS

"AT HOME I HAPPEN TO HAVE THE PHONE BOOKS"

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OF EVERY METROPOLITAN AREA IN THE COUNTRY.

"OF EVERY METROPOLITAN AREA IN THE COUNTRY."

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WHY?

"WHY?"

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WELL, I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

"WELL, I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE"

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WHO COLLECT PHONE BOOK COVER ART.

"WHO COLLECT PHONE BOOK COVER ART."

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ONE OF THOSE.

"ONE OF THOSE."

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THIS IS GONNA BE FUN. WE'LL CALL ALL OVER THE COUNTRY

"THIS IS GONNA BE FUN. WE'LL CALL ALL OVER THE COUNTRY"

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AND FIND ANYBODY WITH THE LAST NAME BISSET,

"AND FIND ANYBODY WITH THE LAST NAME BISSET,"

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ASK IF THEY HAVE A RELATIVE NAMED JACQUELINE,

"ASK IF THEY HAVE A RELATIVE NAMED JACQUELINE,"

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AND THEN TALK THEM INTO COMING UP TO BOSTON.

"AND THEN TALK THEM INTO COMING UP TO BOSTON."

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ARE YOU WITH ME?

"ARE YOU WITH ME?"

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YEAH! YEAH!

"YEAH! YEAH!"

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SO MUCH FOR THE SUN BELT.

"SO MUCH FOR THE SUN BELT."

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NORM, YOU PHILISTINE.

"NORM, YOU PHILISTINE."

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YOU JUST PUT A FOLD IN SUNRISE OVER ALBUQUERQUE.

"YOU JUST PUT A FOLD IN SUNRISE OVER ALBUQUERQUE."

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HEY, BOYS, BOYS, BOYS.

"HEY, BOYS, BOYS, BOYS."

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I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE A FEW JACQUELINE BISSETS AROUND.

"I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE A FEW JACQUELINE BISSETS AROUND."

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IT CAN'T BE THAT UNCOMMON A NAME.

"IT CAN'T BE THAT UNCOMMON A NAME."

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SAM, I GOT A JACQUELINE BISSET ON THE PHONE.

"SAM, I GOT A JACQUELINE BISSET ON THE PHONE."

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OH, PAY DIRT.

"OH, PAY DIRT."

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SHE SOUNDS REAL SWEET.

"SHE SOUNDS REAL SWEET."

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THERE'S JUST ONE CATCH--

"THERE'S JUST ONE CATCH--"

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SHE'S 93. SHE LIVES IN A REST HOME IN MAINE.

"SHE'S 93. SHE LIVES IN A REST HOME IN MAINE."

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SO IS SHE MARRIED?

"SO IS SHE MARRIED?"

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I DIDN'T ASK.

"I DIDN'T ASK."

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