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Clips from Umbrella Academy (2019) - Pocket Full of Lightning (S03E03)

"[light instrumental music playing]"
Umbrella Academy (2019)
"-[typewriter clacking] -[narrator] Paradox Protocols."
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"The Complete Commission Guide to Temporal Anomalies."
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"Chapter 68, "The Grandfather Paradox.""
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"[typewriter dings]"
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"[narrator] It's New Jersey, 1953,"
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"and Elmer Tatelman hates his grandfather."
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"Elmer blames everything on his grandfather."
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"His mother's pain, his father's death,"
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"and his own sad life."
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"How many times do I have to tell you, no goddamn peas!"
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"You don't like what I cook, you can make it yourself!"
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"[narrator] This could have been just another sad tale about soup,"
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"except for one thing."
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"Elmer is about to invent…"
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"[electricity crackling]"
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"…time travel."
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"You see, Elmer has decided the key to his future happiness"
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"is to go back in time"
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"and kill his grandfather."
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"Sidney Tatelman?"
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"That's me."
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"-Whoa! -[patrons gasp]"
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"[narrator] Elmer completed his mission, but he's made one crucial mistake."
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"[woman moaning]"
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"[narrator] He went too far back in time."
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"[man] You're so beautiful."
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"Oh baby! [moaning]"
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"[narrator] You see, murdering his grandfather in 1905"
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"meant that Elmer's mother didn't exist to meet his father in 1925."
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"[buzzer sounds]"
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"[narrator] Which made certain that Elmer himself was never born."
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"[buzzer sounds]"
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"[narrator] Elmer killed his grandfather, so his mother was never born."
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"But if his mother was never born, Elmer no longer exists."
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"But if Elmer no longer exists,"
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"how could he possibly kill his grandfather?"
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"And around and around we go."
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"Elmer has created a paradox,"
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"the grandfather paradox."
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"The most pernicious problem"
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"in The Commission Handbook of Paradox Protocols."
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"This story is not true."
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"But if it were, Elmer would have placed"
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"time, space, and every living thing in grave peril."
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"[audience cheering]"
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"[narrator] Don't be an Elmer!"
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"[man in audience] Bravo!"
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"[narrator] We've been lucky so far."
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"With your help, constant vigilance, and a little strategic violence,"
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"the Commission will make certain nothing like this ever happens."
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"[cheering continues]"
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"[narrator] Or God help us all."
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"[woman in audience] Bravo!"
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"Go on. Go! [laughs]"
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"But when will I see you again?"
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"Go on. Go before someone sees you."
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"[sighs]"
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"Mmm."
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"[contented grunt]"
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"["Do You Believe in Magic" by The Lovin' Spoonful playing]"
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"♪ Do you believe in magic ♪"
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"-♪ In a young girl's heart? ♪ -Wait! Sir?"
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"-♪ How the music can free her ♪ -[whistles]"
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"-♪ Whenever it starts ♪ -[playful growl]"
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"♪ And it's magic ♪"
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"♪ If the music is groovy ♪"
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"♪ It makes you feel happy Like an old-time movie… ♪"
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"Beautiful evening, isn't it?"
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"♪ But it's like trying to tell a stranger 'Bout-a rock 'n' roll ♪"
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"♪ If you believe in magic ♪"
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"♪ Don't bother to choose ♪"
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"♪ If it's jug band music… ♪"
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"-Yeah. How much, chief? -Two bucks."
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"Two."
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"Oh, and, uh…"
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"Some of…"
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"Some of those."
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"Condoms?"
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"-For sex. -[both chuckle]"
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"Which is a thing I do now."
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"[murmurs]"
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"Anything else?"
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"[energy pulsing loudly]"
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"Anything else… Hmm."
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"[electricity crackling]"
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"[music distorts, fades]"
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"[electricity powers down]"
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"-[energy whooshing] -[splattering]"
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"[distant police siren wailing]"
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"Well,"
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"shit."
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"[crickets chirping]"
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"Hey, did you--"
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"[song resumes] ♪ If you believe in magic ♪"
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"♪ Come along with me ♪"
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"♪ We'll dance until morning Till there's just you and me… ♪"
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"[Stan grunts]"
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"-[Diego] I'm so confused. -Shocking."
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"Well, someone killed our mothers, so we shouldn't exist."
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"But clearly, we do exist,"
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"and the universe can't handle it, which is a problem."
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"Big problem. [sighs]"
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"-Yah! -Stanley!"
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"Now is not the time to be doing karate, okay?"
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"-Mom said I need to practice. -Yeah, well, she's not wrong."
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"-You're very bad. -Well, I saved your pathetic ass."
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"Okay, hold on. Five, so we caused a paradox."
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"-What does that mean? -It's hard to say."
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"It's all been theoretical until now, but things have started to disappear."
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"What things?"
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"Right now?"
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"Uh, lobsters."
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"And a shit ton of cows!"
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"But I have a feeling this is just the beginning."
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"A feeling? Aren't you retired?"
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"I want nothing more."
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"You know, you can't drag us through hell"
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"because you have an itch only an apocalypse can scratch"
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"and then expect us to deal with the fallout."
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