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Clips from Avenue 5 - He's Only There to Stop His Skeleton from Falling Over (S01E01)

"That was the end of..."
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"end of prom and, um..."
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"that's the first time I had a drink."
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"Uh, but it was a Judd Light,"
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"and Judd Light is available throughout the ship."
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"Um, it's, a-- a liquid party."
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"I'm right in here. (GIGGLES)"
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"-What are you doing? -(MUMBLES)"
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"-What? -Just going in my room."
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"-Why are you here? -It's my room."
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"If you're trying to trick us into a foursome,"
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"there's no tricking needed."
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"This isn't a foursome, it's a twosome."
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"-I'm easy. -You guys stay here."
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"MIA: Why'd you bring the peat bog man?"
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"DOUG: We're going on my flight simulator."
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"MIA: Well, you need to vacate the room"
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"because I'll be making love everywhere."
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"Hey, yeah, we could-- we could go to yours."
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"-Can I keep that as a backup? -Oh, sure, yeah."
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"Give 'em a minute, see what pans out."
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"MIA: Colin Firm, get in here!"
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"What?"
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"Sorry, Doug, the viewing gallery is closed."
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"Come on. Let's just do it quickly."
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"-Just do it quickly, before he-- -Do it!"
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"-MIA: Who cares about him? -MADS: No no, I--"
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"-Do it! Do it! -MIA: You want it, you want it."
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"Don't be a pussy, Colin!"
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"(STAMMERS) I'm sorry-- I wasn't trained for this, I'm sorry."
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"This reminds me of my last days"
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"on the International Space Station."
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"That was a scene!"
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"I ruined it for her."
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"(VOICE BREAKING) So I won."
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"(SOBS)"
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"So, my last relationship didn't end well."
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"Uh, but-- Well, in some ways you could say it did."
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"'Cause my girlfriend fell down a well."
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"Gravity, what a downer."
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"JUDD: No, no, no, no. Uh-uh. No. No."
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"Hey, it's Mr. Judd, everyone."
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"No, hold your applause."
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"Four people died because of that gravity fail."
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"Don't joke about stuff like that."
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"Maybe that's why your girlfriend jumped down that well,"
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"'cause of those kind of jokes."
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"JORDAN: She didn't, she just left me--"
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"I was gonna say a few words later,"
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"but now that "Uhhh""
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"sucked all the good energy out of the room and just..."
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"flushed it out into space like... (SPLUTTERS)"
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"I'm just gonna read it now."
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""As you know, this was meant to be the halfway point,"
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"but we're not halfway."
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"And yet, in so many ways,"
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"we're more... (SNIFFLES) ...than halfway.""
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"-Iris, who wrote this? -I did."
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"And is it like this all the way through,"
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"or does it get any better?"
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"Well, that was the best part, and you kind of threw it away."
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"Fuck!"
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"All right."
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""Because we've come a long way,"
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"and I'm proud of you"
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"and of me,"
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"and I'm inspired by you and me.""
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"(EXHALES LOUDLY) I'm just gonna skip to the end."
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"-Yep. -JUDD: All right."
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""We can do this! We're nearly there!"
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"We're not, but we are!""
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"(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)"
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"Ever been to Buffalo before?"
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"-(RAV'S PHONE RINGS) -It's changed a lot"
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"since they moved the White House there."
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"-For a start-- -RAV: Shut up."
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"Alan, this better not be bad news. I--"
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"What the fuck is that?"
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"ALAN LEWIS: I'm afraid some of the, uh, residual matter"
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"hasn't escaped the ship's gravitational pull."
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"Okay. Well..."
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"It's a ring of shit."
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"-ALAN: Mm. -A ring of shit?"
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"Could you just--? Back to the book."
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"On the upside, you can't see the coffins anymore."
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"Oh, no. There's one."
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"Get ready to pretend we're ten minutes to halfway there."
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"Mmm!"
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"Could I get another one of those?"
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"-WAITRESS: Sure. -BILLIE: Um..."
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"Billie, don't ever, ever show anyone your feelings."
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"All right? Just bury them as deep as you can."
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"Scrunch them up into a little tiny ball"
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"and then just... (GROWLS)"
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"Grow a couple of ulcers if you wanna mark the spot,"
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"but otherwise, just smile, pretend everything's fine."
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"-You're not a happy drunk. -I'm not a happy anything."
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"-MAN: You the man! -(AMERICAN ACCENT) Hi, there. Hey."
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"JUDD: Is it-- Why is the shit still outside there?"
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"(YELLS) Iris!"
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"It's getting thicker."
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"IRIS: We're-- We're working on it."
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"All right, that's Mr. Judd, everybody. Give it up."
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"-(FAINT APPLAUSE) -(TAPS MICROPHONE)"
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"-SOUND TECH: Yeah, it's on. -I know it's on--"
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"MAN: You're gonna have to compensate us for this."
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"This is your fault."
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"I mean, it's Frank's fault."
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"He hit the big brown button."
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"-MAN: Yeah. -You mean, shit the button."
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"See, that's comedy, man."
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"That right there is comedy, word play."
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"(CHUCKLES) I love it."
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"Hey, Frank, what if I came and took a shit"
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"outside of your room?"
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"(CHUCKLING) The shit is already outside my room."
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"Okay. Then I'll come take a shit"
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"-inside your room. -(AUDIENCE JEERING)"
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"I'll pay for the cleanup, so you can do it again tomorrow."
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"(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)"
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