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Clips from Avenue 5 - He's Only There to Stop His Skeleton from Falling Over (S01E01)

"But before he comes out to win you over"
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"or die horribly,"
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"I want to give a big round of applause"
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"to our heroes, Captain Ryan Clark..."
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"-♪ (FANFARE PLAYS) ♪ -(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)"
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"(WHOOPS)"
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"-...and... -Billie McEvoy!"
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"...former astronaut Spike Martin."
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"What?"
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"Okay. Jordan, are you ready to go?"
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"Yep."
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"Listen to him, he's nervous, right?"
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"-AUDIENCE: Yeah! -Yeah! Okay!"
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"Please put your hands together"
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"or silently reserve judgement for Jordan Hatwal."
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"(WHOOPS AND CHEERS)"
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"JORDAN HATWAL: All right. Hey, how you doin'?"
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"Uh..."
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"I've been asleep for the last 120 hours, what did I miss?"
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"We're stuck up here for three years."
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"Okay, guys. That was his first joke,"
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"so you can laugh, it's okay to laugh."
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"Matt, don't-- Don't do that."
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"I'm just-- I'm just trying to help."
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"(LAUGHS) Yeah, it's-- it's hard doing, uh,"
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"a Halfway Home gig when, I mean, we're not even halfway--"
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"-Ah! I vetoed that angle. -Uh... okay."
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"Guys, pretend that we're 21 months into the voyage."
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"Right? Is-- is that helpful?"
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"-JORDAN: No. -Yes."
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"(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) Doesn't-- It's not helpful."
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"Do you want-- Do you wanna come up here and do the set?"
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"Sure, yeah."
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"I wasn't actually asking. (LAUGHS)"
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"Oh, you were joking?"
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"Yep, that was a joke."
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"That's what I'm here to do."
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"It's like the joke police over here."
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"Anyway, shoehorns..."
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"-pretty weird, aren't they? -(LAUGHS) Yes!"
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"(NADIA GIGGLING)"
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"MAN: Thank you for your service!"
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"You're real-life heroes!"
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"-NADIA: People loved us. -No, no, no, I'm sorry, no."
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"I don't get it. I just don't-- I don't get this, this--"
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"I arm-wrestled with space"
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"-and I won, so that was me. -Speaking of arms,"
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"-yours are so firm. -Oh?"
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"How do you find gym time in between saving lives?"
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"(BOTH LAUGH)"
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"(STUTTERS) Well, f-- f-- firm is my middle name."
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"What's your first name?"
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"-Colin. -Colin Firm."
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"Yeah, Colin Firm Erbifritz."
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"Oh, is that Italian?"
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"-No, it's actu-- -Who cares?"
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"-Okay. -Okay."
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"Oh! Guess who else will be on the prowl tonight?"
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"Captain Ryan Clark, ladies and gentlemen."
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"He's as horny and as hairy as a tomcat, and I should know,"
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"because back in the day, he put a baby up me."
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"-Wow! -Wow."
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"Was your oxygen restricted in your early developmental years?"
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"Oh, you can't wash the shame away, Frank."
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"Next time leave it to the professionals,"
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"you silly man."
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"Why can't the Captain be a womanizer?"
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"Or a man-anizer?"
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"He can do what he wants."
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"I actually don't care at this point."
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"-Captain Clark is a sex man? -SARAH: He's a dog."
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"Hey, fuck it. Shall we start a conga?"
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"-(ALL CHEERING) -Let's do a conga."
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"-Whoo! -Frank, come on."
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"-NADIA: Allez. -SARAH: Hey, hey, hey."
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"(SINGING) ♪ He cannot press a button ♪"
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"-Whoo! -♪ Doo doo doo ♪"
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"♪ (SINGING CONTINUES) ♪"
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"MIA: Come on, let's get outta here. Okay!"
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"-SARAH: ♪ He always fucks it up ♪ -NADIA: Fucks it up!"
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"-(MIA GIGGLING) I'm sorry. -JORDAN: Oh, check it out."
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"-(MIA GIGGLING) -(JORDAN CHUCKLES)"
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"Uh, first person that's laughed in quite some time."
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"Hey, you wanna come back to my place?"
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"Sure, yeah, I'll take it where I can get it."
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"-A hole's a hole. -Oh... No, thank you."
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"I-- I have a flight simulation game"
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"I would love to play with you. Be an honor, sir."
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"Oh, okay, well, I'll batten down the sexual hatches."
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"Let's fly some ships."
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"Uh... So, um... Do you remember the, uh,"
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"the phones that you had to plug in to charge?"
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"Yes, I do."
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"Yeah, well, they..."
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"They were, um..."
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"Uh... no. No, that one's gone."
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"Just give it a second."
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"'Cause this could be good when you think of it."
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"-IRIS: They had a cord. -They had a cord, yeah."
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"I don't think that was the punchline, though. Um..."
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"Promote the beer."
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"(PHONE RINGS)"
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"-RYAN: Hey! -You can probably tell from our expressions that, uh..."
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"-we need to talk face-to-face. -Oh, no, no, no. You're talking. You should-- no."
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"'Cause I called you, so you should really wait."
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"-Anyway, doesn't matter. -Ryan, we have to tell you something."
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"-I know, it was impressive-- -Now, it's not bad."
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"(STAMMERS) Wait-- What-- What do you mean, "bad"?"
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"We love you, but..."
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"we didn't sign up for three and a half years, and..."
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"-with that crazy spacewalk... -RYAN: Ah, yes."
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"-CRIS: ...we can't-- -You're looking at a hero, basically."
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"-We can't take the stress. -The wh-- what?"
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"You lose the plot, you lose your slot."
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""Slot"? This is a marriage, not a fucking squash court."
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"We're getting trivorced."
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"Two-thirds majority. Motion carried."
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"-What about our vows? "Hand in hand in hand"? -CRIS: No, sorry."
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"And then I downed it in one and I threw up on..."
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"uh, on her dress, and..."
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