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Clips from Avenue 5 - He's Only There to Stop His Skeleton from Falling Over (S01E01)

"You know what's ironic?"
Avenue 5
"I just left a man who can't finish his sentence,"
Avenue 5
"and here you are, and you just can't shut the F up."
Avenue 5
"(PHONE RINGS)"
Avenue 5
"-Hi. -Hi!"
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"I feel a bit trapped."
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"Well honey, we're all trapped."
Avenue 5
"The sky is full of S-H-I-T."
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"Oh, no. There it floats."
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"Oh, bollocks."
Avenue 5
"Oh, can everything just fuck off?"
Avenue 5
"Wait, is that-- Was that Captain Ryan?"
Avenue 5
"(STAMMERS) Ah-- Oh! Uh... It-- It was not."
Avenue 5
"In fact, I will be back soon, tootsie roll, okay?"
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"(PHONE HANGS UP)"
Avenue 5
"♪ (ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS) ♪"
Avenue 5
"MATT: I'll see you all tonight."
Avenue 5
"Bring your children."
Avenue 5
"Unless they have behavioral disorders."
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"And bring them, too. It's a party!"
Avenue 5
"♪ (PLAYS TWO NOTES) ♪"
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"Hey, I don't wanna get you overexcited,"
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"but this party is going to be an orgy of the gods--"
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"I don't get overexcited."
Avenue 5
"I'm always the same fucking level of excited."
Avenue 5
"-Right, Iris? -Yes."
Avenue 5
"I'll have another shot of water, please."
Avenue 5
"All right! Let's go yell in some people's faces!"
Avenue 5
"(YELLS)"
Avenue 5
"IRIS KIMURA: I'm so sorry. Please enjoy this Judd voucher"
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"-JUDD: Hey! -I apologize. These are..."
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"-JUDD: You don't need this! -...valid anywhere on the ship."
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"Take the French fries. Leave the beer."
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"I'm so sorry. These are valid everywhere on the ship"
Avenue 5
"-except the golf course. -All right..."
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"Oh, really? Can I get one of those?"
Avenue 5
"Oh!"
Avenue 5
"-Hey. -Hey, Billie."
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"-You look nice. -So do you."
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"I decided to go for "I just saved the ship" casual."
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"(LAUGHS) "We" just saved the ship."
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"-What did I say? -Yeah."
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"-(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS) -(AMERICAN ACCENT) Oh, hey!"
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"-Come on. Stop that. -Stop."
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"-Stop it. -Thank you."
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"-We were just doing our job. -I was just doing my job."
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"We just did what we had to do."
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"-I did what I had to do. -Thank you."
Avenue 5
"Yes. Yes. (LAUGHS) Did you see me out there?"
Avenue 5
"Do you understand, I've not slept a wink since you freaked me out."
Avenue 5
"I'm writing my jokes on tissue paper."
Avenue 5
"Who does that these days?"
Avenue 5
"We can delay the start by five minutes."
Avenue 5
"Are you sure it's safe for me here?"
Avenue 5
"-I'm getting sneering looks. -Oh, honey, relax."
Avenue 5
"Everybody's here to celebrate Captain Ryan."
Avenue 5
"Oh my god, he looks amazing in that turtleneck."
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"Listen, with him wearing that,"
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"I guarantee nobody is thinking about you."
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) We make a really great team."
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"You saving the ship, and me thanking you for that."
Avenue 5
"(LAUGHS) Yeah. I mean, you know, they were probably"
Avenue 5
"livestreaming the whole thing all over the world."
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"So right now, I'm probably more famous"
Avenue 5
"than that guy who shat his pants at the Superbowl."
Avenue 5
"-Daniel Radcliffe? -Yeah."
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"Those two are an item."
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"-Those two? No. -Yeah."
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"-Yeah. -No. Nuh-uh. No."
Avenue 5
"She's not his type."
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"I mean, I think he would..."
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"I think he would probably want an older woman,"
Avenue 5
"you know, a woman who's more, like, mature."
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"The way I see it, like... (STAMMERS)"
Avenue 5
"twenty-five hundred women on board?"
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"At least seven hundred of them,"
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"I would totally want a consensual meeting with."
Avenue 5
"-Oh, yeah. -Yeah, yeah."
Avenue 5
"I am gonna get me some informed consent tonight."
Avenue 5
"Just some sweet, sweet informed consent"
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"from a strong autonomous woman--"
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"Hey guys, did you hear that? I-- I think that was the sound"
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"of seven hundred vaginas snapping shut."
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"-It's not. -(MIA EXHALES)"
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"Now, if you'll excuse me, I am horny as hell,"
Avenue 5
"so I am gonna go out and get my body slammed."
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"And it's okay that she said--"
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"-We're-- We're separated. -Oh."
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"They just haven't found me my own cabin yet."
Avenue 5
"Oh, we, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)"
Avenue 5
"-We should... -Yeah, we should."
Avenue 5
"I'll freshen up and see you down there."
Avenue 5
"That means he has to have a little cry."
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"I really don't."
Avenue 5
"-Shots? -You know, I usually don't drink"
Avenue 5
"because it makes me blunt and opinionated."
Avenue 5
"As opposed to?"
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"Hey, everyone."
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"Welcome to the Halfway Home party."
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"(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)"
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"Now, in a second, I'm gonna bring out"
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"our comedian for the evening. His name's Jordan Hatwal."
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"He is... (CHUCKLES) ...extremely nervous."
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"Okay? But I know you guys are gonna love him."
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"Right?"
Avenue 5
"-WOMAN: (FLATLY) Yeah. -MAN: Hey."
Avenue 5
"-(WEAK APPLAUSE) -Okay. Okay."
Avenue 5
"I think that's probably gonna make him more nervous"
Avenue 5
"'cause it was pretty underwhelming."
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"Let's try it again, right?"
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"Are you excited for Jordan Hatwal?"
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"(CHEERING)"
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"Okay, okay."
Avenue 5
"(LAUGHS) Okay. I don't think he can live up to that."
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"You know, if he was that good,"
Avenue 5
"he'd probably be doing arena shows on Earth."
Avenue 5
"Um... But..."
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"Now that I've lowered your expectations again,"
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"I think you might be pleasantly surprised"
Avenue 5
"by the competent, workmanlike comedy of Jordan Hatwal."
Avenue 5
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