Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Avenue 5 - He's Only There to Stop His Skeleton from Falling Over (S01E01)

"We have to transform those sex bots."
Avenue 5
"They have to be absolutely convincing."
Avenue 5
"What if we connect a real Comms Link"
Avenue 5
"to their prop headsets."
Avenue 5
"That is exactly the sort of idea I should have had,"
Avenue 5
"if I weren't a complete fraud."
Avenue 5
"♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪"
Avenue 5
"Here's an idea to get people to like you,"
Avenue 5
"cocktail party. You can meet 19 people a week."
Avenue 5
"Don't people come in couples?"
Avenue 5
"No, widows, widowers, priests, ugly people."
Avenue 5
"-You're not a couple. -Neither was Zeus."
Avenue 5
"I'm basically Zeus."
Avenue 5
"KAREN KELLY: I would suggest everyone laughing,"
Avenue 5
"hitting it off, maybe on the bridge."
Avenue 5
"This is perfect. Get some Mr. Average"
Avenue 5
"to push that fake button we have for the kids."
Avenue 5
"Can I join the party? Go!"
Avenue 5
"-(CROWD GASPS) -(BELLOWING)"
Avenue 5
"There's a rupture in the turd shield."
Avenue 5
"A real captain would be out there."
Avenue 5
"-You ready to do this? -With every fiber of my being..."
Avenue 5
"No."
Avenue 5
"One, two. One, two. (CLEARS THROAT)"
Avenue 5
"Hello, I'm Jordan."
Avenue 5
"Best stand-up comic this side of Mars."
Avenue 5
"Also, the only stand-up comic this side of Mars,"
Avenue 5
"but don't tell my mum that, she's super impressed."
Avenue 5
"(MUTTERING) Laugh, laugh, laugh. Uh..."
Avenue 5
"-Two, two. Is this thing on? -Yeah, it's on."
Avenue 5
"No-- I know. It's a bit."
Avenue 5
"The "is this on" thing,"
Avenue 5
"to imply that the audience weren't laughing."
Avenue 5
"Best thing about doing stand-up in space?"
Avenue 5
"Literally no pressure."
Avenue 5
"-Is this thing on? -Yup."
Avenue 5
"No, I know it's..."
Avenue 5
"And then I'll plug the beer."
Avenue 5
"And... when I first took this gig on,"
Avenue 5
"they told me that I needed"
Avenue 5
"enough material to cover the first half of the journey,"
Avenue 5
"so I guess now I need a tight one year and three quarters."
Avenue 5
"Is that funny?"
Avenue 5
"-Or is that too much maths? -"Math.""
Avenue 5
"-(LOUD BANG) -(METAL CREAKING)"
Avenue 5
"MAN 1: I can't look!"
Avenue 5
"WOMAN 1: God! That's not good."
Avenue 5
"-MAN 2: It's shit. -It's all shit!"
Avenue 5
"Hey, maybe they heard your set. (LAUGHS)"
Avenue 5
"♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪"
Avenue 5
"Captain, you ready to do this?"
Avenue 5
"(ENGLISH ACCENT) I'd always hoped that my last words"
Avenue 5
"might be better than..."
Avenue 5
""Fuck me, no.""
Avenue 5
"I don't know how to attach the tether."
Avenue 5
"There should be an instruction panel right in front of you."
Avenue 5
"-(AMERICAN ACCENT) To attach your safety tether..."
Avenue 5
"-Oh, f... -...simply grasp the narrow end of the clamp"
Avenue 5
"to release the G Catch."
Avenue 5
"There. That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Avenue 5
"(ENGLISH ACCENT) Well, you fucking try it."
Avenue 5
"BILLIE MCEVOY: Okay, it's a spacewalk, so..."
Avenue 5
"walk."
Avenue 5
"So, Captain, what exactly are you looking at?"
Avenue 5
"-The inside of my eyelids. -Ha."
Avenue 5
"Ah. There appears to be no floor."
Avenue 5
"Yes, Captain. You-- You really make this look easy."
Avenue 5
"RAV MULCAIR: Why is he flailing around like that? What--"
Avenue 5
"-No. Look. He's upright now. -Yes."
Avenue 5
"-Uh, no, just gone back. -(SIGHS)"
Avenue 5
"Where are you going?"
Avenue 5
"I'm gonna do 600 pushups and then throw up in the sink."
Avenue 5
"Can you get visuals on the wet suit compromise?"
Avenue 5
""Have visuals"? What's wrong with "see"?"
Avenue 5
"-Or "come back in". -Engineering?"
Avenue 5
"-Present. -Yeah, not you."
Avenue 5
"Looking at wet suit protocol three now."
Avenue 5
"Captain Courageous needs to locate"
Avenue 5
"the lateral access valve where it intersects with the..."
Avenue 5
"Intersects with the binary caps"
Avenue 5
"from the lower deck. Did you get that?"
Avenue 5
"All I got from that was, "You're gonna die out here.""
Avenue 5
"BILLIE: Find a big metal wheel and turn it off."
Avenue 5
"Estimate of her velocity, Captain?"
Avenue 5
"-RYAN CLARK: I might actually sneeze. -He can't hear you because..."
Avenue 5
"-well, you know, he's outside-- -RYAN: What happens then?"
Avenue 5
"-Billie, what's the sneezing protocol in space? -Good point."
Avenue 5
"Get me in his ear. I'll walk him home."
Avenue 5
"RYAN: Is there one?"
Avenue 5
"Could you look that up?"
Avenue 5
"-Hola. -Gracias."
Avenue 5
"Yeah, in other devastating news,"
Avenue 5
"Spike is about to join the auto comms."
Avenue 5
"(SCOFFS) The icing on the shit."
Avenue 5
"SPIKE MARTIN: I got you now, buddy."
Avenue 5
"-Whoa! She's a gusher. -Please don't call it "she.""
Avenue 5
"Why? That thing's powerful. And I respect it."
Avenue 5
"BILLIE: (SCOFFS) I'm gonna go check on a valve."
Avenue 5
"Billie?"
Avenue 5
"Okay. Mr. Tambourine Man, you're up."
Avenue 5
"-Yeah, sure. -RYAN: Billie?"
Avenue 5
"So, we're just splitting forward, uh, protocol three."
Avenue 5
"It's just a... thing we do."
Avenue 5
"-MAN: We love you, Spike! -SPIKE: Okay, Captain,"
Avenue 5
"I'm splitting forward protocol three."
Avenue 5
"It's just-- It's a thing we do. Don't worry."
Avenue 5
"WOMAN: Make way for the shit shooter."
Avenue 5
"-Oh God, was that me? -It's a little bit of all of us."
Avenue 5
"Hey! I got a button on the end of my fist,"
Avenue 5
"do you wanna press it with your face? Button dick!"
Avenue 5
"(WHISPERING) I think she's talking to me."
Avenue 5
"♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪"
Avenue 5
"RYAN: Yeah, so, nobody thought to put this wheel on the inside."
Avenue 5
"Would that have been easier at all?"
Avenue 5
"(METAL BANGING)"
Avenue 5
"-Oh! Bugger me. -Oh no!"
Avenue 5
"Oh, I can taste last year's breakfast."
Avenue 5
"Some guys would pay good money to have that done to them."
Avenue 5
"And girls. Uh, women."
Avenue 5
"Not me, though. Mm-mm."
Avenue 5
Show more clips