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Clips from Cheers - Someone Single, Someone Blue (S01E01)

- This happens to be my mother. - That's why l'm being delicate.

"- This happens to be my mother. - That's why l'm being delicate."

Cheers

Diane, is this true? How about the two of you?

"Diane, is this true? How about the two of you?"

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l'd rather marry Boggs.

"l'd rather marry Boggs."

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l could make you very happy.

"l could make you very happy."

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Sorry, Boggs. Just a figure of speech.

"Sorry, Boggs. Just a figure of speech."

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Thank you, miss.

"Thank you, miss."

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Diane, he's not a bad-looking fellow.

"Diane, he's not a bad-looking fellow."

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His cologne's an affront to society but what harm would it do to ask?

"His cologne's an affront to society but what harm would it do to ask?"

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Mother, no.

"Mother, no."

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Darling, please.

"Darling, please."

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l wish l was as strong as you are, but l'm not.

"l wish l was as strong as you are, but l'm not."

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Without money, l don't think l can make it.

"Without money, l don't think l can make it."

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Alright, l'll ask him. Sam?

"Alright, l'll ask him. Sam?"

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- What? - May l speak with you a moment?

"- What? - May l speak with you a moment?"

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- l might as well come to the point. - That'd be nice.

"- l might as well come to the point. - That'd be nice."

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Would you be willing to marry me?

"Would you be willing to marry me?"

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Boy, this cologne must be doing its stuff.

"Boy, this cologne must be doing its stuff."

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You see, my very eccentric father

"You see, my very eccentric father"

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put a very strange clause into his will.

"put a very strange clause into his will."

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Providing that if l'm not married by tomorrow,

"Providing that if l'm not married by tomorrow,"

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my mother will become destitute.

"my mother will become destitute."

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So, if we could get married, just long enough to satisfy the attorneys,

"So, if we could get married, just long enough to satisfy the attorneys,"

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it would really help her out and l would consider it a favour.

"it would really help her out and l would consider it a favour."

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l'd consider it a joke. Marriage and me do not mix.

"l'd consider it a joke. Marriage and me do not mix."

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No, it's not marriage. lt's a business arrangement.

"No, it's not marriage. lt's a business arrangement."

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Just for a couple of days and then we'll get divorced.

"Just for a couple of days and then we'll get divorced."

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Listen, l've been married before. You haven't.

"Listen, l've been married before. You haven't."

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Take my word, marriage changes people.

"Take my word, marriage changes people."

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No woman in the world can hear those words and not start believing it.

"No woman in the world can hear those words and not start believing it."

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That's a very sexist thing to say.

"That's a very sexist thing to say."

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No, it's not sexist because no man can resist it either.

"No, it's not sexist because no man can resist it either."

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Why, Sam, that's a very romantic thing to say.

"Why, Sam, that's a very romantic thing to say."

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The difference is, with men, they get over it in an hour.

"The difference is, with men, they get over it in an hour."

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With women, it goes on for years.

"With women, it goes on for years."

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lf you're worried about me, l'm only doing this for my mother.

"lf you're worried about me, l'm only doing this for my mother."

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Yeah, right.

"Yeah, right."

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l promise you that l will not feel any emotions toward you.

"l promise you that l will not feel any emotions toward you."

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l learned a long time ago never to trust anybody wearing a wedding gown,

"l learned a long time ago never to trust anybody wearing a wedding gown,"

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especially a woman.

"especially a woman."

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Forget l asked.

"Forget l asked."

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- l'm sorry. - Never mind.

"- l'm sorry. - Never mind."

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l'm sorry, Mommy. He said no.

"l'm sorry, Mommy. He said no."

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Oh, dear.

"Oh, dear."

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Hell.

"Hell."

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- OK, Diane. - OK what?

"- OK, Diane. - OK what?"

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OK, we'll... get married.

"OK, we'll... get married."

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- Really? - Yeah. You bet.

"- Really? - Yeah. You bet."

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Mr Malone, how wonderful.

"Mr Malone, how wonderful."

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You're both wonderful.

"You're both wonderful."

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Thank you very much.

"Thank you very much."

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l'm still rich. l'll get the Justice.

"l'm still rich. l'll get the Justice."

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Come along, Boggs.

"Come along, Boggs."

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- Thanks for changing your mind. - You're welcome. l wanted to help.

"- Thanks for changing your mind. - You're welcome. l wanted to help."

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- What you're doing is very noble. - Thank you.

"- What you're doing is very noble. - Thank you."

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Where do you want to go on our honeymoon?

"Where do you want to go on our honeymoon?"

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l should've known.

"l should've known."

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As usual, Mr Malone has his brains caught in his zipper.

"As usual, Mr Malone has his brains caught in his zipper."

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ls this the first wedding in Cheers?

"ls this the first wedding in Cheers?"

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No, Frankie Flaherty got married in this bar.

"No, Frankie Flaherty got married in this bar."

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He met Janet in that corner, proposed to her here, right in front of me,

"He met Janet in that corner, proposed to her here, right in front of me,"

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they married there, had their first fight by the piano,

"they married there, had their first fight by the piano,"

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she caught him in the poolroom with a woman, shot him dead in the alley.

"she caught him in the poolroom with a woman, shot him dead in the alley."

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That's an incredible story.

"That's an incredible story."

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- Want to know where he's buried? - Where?

"- Want to know where he's buried? - Where?"

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He ain't. He's cremated.

"He ain't. He's cremated."

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- Thank God! - Here's his ashes.

"- Thank God! - Here's his ashes."

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- We've got the licence. - What took you so long?

"- We've got the licence. - What took you so long?"

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While l was there, l paid my water bill and registered my bicycle.

"While l was there, l paid my water bill and registered my bicycle."

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Know what they ask for a bicycle licence?

"Know what they ask for a bicycle licence?"

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- Sam, shut up. - Sorry, dear.

"- Sam, shut up. - Sorry, dear."

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l'd like to introduce you to Mr Harrison Fiedler,

"l'd like to introduce you to Mr Harrison Fiedler,"

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Justice of the Peace, who will perform the ceremony.

"Justice of the Peace, who will perform the ceremony."

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- Hi, Just. - We need witnesses.

"- Hi, Just. - We need witnesses."

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Yep. Every accident needs some witnesses.

"Yep. Every accident needs some witnesses."

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Sammy, please, l'd be proud to be your best man.

"Sammy, please, l'd be proud to be your best man."

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l'm honoured. Thank you.

"l'm honoured. Thank you."

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The day Diane walked in, l knew you'd get together.

"The day Diane walked in, l knew you'd get together."

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Coach, this is just temporary.

"Coach, this is just temporary."

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l knew that, too.

"l knew that, too."

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How come you never got married?

"How come you never got married?"

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Well, Norm, Coach, it's unfair to ask a woman to be the wife of a mailman.

"Well, Norm, Coach, it's unfair to ask a woman to be the wife of a mailman."

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Watching him get up every morning, strapping on that mailbag,

"Watching him get up every morning, strapping on that mailbag,"

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hitting those mean streets, never knowing if he's coming back or not.

"hitting those mean streets, never knowing if he's coming back or not."

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Right. Somewhere out there is a beagle with your name on it.

"Right. Somewhere out there is a beagle with your name on it."

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Excuse me. l think we should begin.

"Excuse me. l think we should begin."

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Are you ready, Mr Fiedler?

"Are you ready, Mr Fiedler?"

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l'm ready. May l have the licence?

"l'm ready. May l have the licence?"

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The groom's name is Schwinn?

"The groom's name is Schwinn?"

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That's my bicycle licence.

"That's my bicycle licence."

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Excuse me.

"Excuse me."

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Diane, do you think we could we lose the aprons?

"Diane, do you think we could we lose the aprons?"

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The aprons. Carla, the apron.

"The aprons. Carla, the apron."

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Gee, l didn't know it was going to be this formal.

"Gee, l didn't know it was going to be this formal."

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- Are you OK? - Fine.

"- Are you OK? - Fine."

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Just a business arrangement. l do appreciate it for Mommy's sake.

"Just a business arrangement. l do appreciate it for Mommy's sake."

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You're welcome. Just remember, no emotions.

"You're welcome. Just remember, no emotions."

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lf l feel anything romantic, l will run screaming from the room.

"lf l feel anything romantic, l will run screaming from the room."

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And l will clear a path for you.

"And l will clear a path for you."

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Would the bride and groom come forward, please?

"Would the bride and groom come forward, please?"

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We are gathered in the presence of these witnesses

"We are gathered in the presence of these witnesses"

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for the purpose of uniting in matrimony

"for the purpose of uniting in matrimony"

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Diane Chambers and Sam Malone.

"Diane Chambers and Sam Malone."

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The contract of marriage is most solemn

"The contract of marriage is most solemn"

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and not to be entered into lightly,

"and not to be entered into lightly,"

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but thoughtfully and seriously and with a deep realisation

"but thoughtfully and seriously and with a deep realisation"

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of its obligations and responsibilities.

"of its obligations and responsibilities."

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Any two people who have come to this point

"Any two people who have come to this point"

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clearly feel the love and joy that they find in one another

"clearly feel the love and joy that they find in one another"

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can surmount whatever obstacles lie in their path.

"can surmount whatever obstacles lie in their path."

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Sam, do you take...?

"Sam, do you take...?"

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Do you mind?

"Do you mind?"

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What?

"What?"

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Never mind. l'm sorry, please go on.

"Never mind. l'm sorry, please go on."

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- Sam, do you take this woman... - What did l do?

"- Sam, do you take this woman... - What did l do?"

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l saw the leer.

"l saw the leer."

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- Leer? Come on, Diane. - Please.

"- Leer? Come on, Diane. - Please."

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Please go on.

"Please go on."

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Sam, do you take this woman to be your lawful...?

"Sam, do you take this woman to be your lawful...?"

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She's a customer in my bar. l smiled, that's all. Go on.

"She's a customer in my bar. l smiled, that's all. Go on."

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She's a woman.

"She's a woman."

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