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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Goes to the Doctor! (S01E01)

"Who am I? Pamela Lee?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What about those scream lines, Kimmy?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I know they were bothering you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Those, we can inject with the R.E.O. cream,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and instantly gone."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- You can do that? - Yeah."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Of course he or she can."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I can do that right now."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Do it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, Kimmy, I'm so excited for you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Joy comes from the outside in."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- What, dear? - I'm sorry?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm sorry. I still don't have it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Pardon?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I was saying that we now validate parking,"
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"if that's important to you guys at all."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, who's that girl?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What? I didn't do anything? Got some sun but..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm not talking to you, dear."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm watching Jeopardy!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The category is Worst Madonna Songs."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This 1987 one is terrible."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That was humiliating. I'm never auditioning again."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Aw, did you screw the pooch?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Know how that expression originated?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It wasn't anything clever at all."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"There was this guy and a dog..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Lillian, I'm trying to tell a story."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So there I am, standing in line for this cattle call,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and I run into Coriolanus Burt."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, no! Right?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My nemesis, the man who stole my career."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"When I first moved here, they were doing"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"an all-black production of Oklahoma!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Called Alabama!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Coriolanus Burt and I went head-to-head,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"down to the final call-back,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"for the role of Sharecropper Number Two/Cow."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Just as I was about to hit the women's high C"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"in People Will Say We's in Love,"
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"Coriolanus runs on stage and yells,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, my God. They shot Versace."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I mean, rude!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- And guess who got the part? - You?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"A third party that wasn't in the story?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That should have been my big break."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And now he's walking around in shoes and socks"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"like a big shot."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And look at me..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Talented, dashing, transcending,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but no career, no agent, and just the one sock."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It isn't good to hold on to things like that."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You have to work from the outside in."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I mean, if I can get rid of my scream lines..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Diva, I thought you looked real rested."
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"Then anything is possible."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Tomorrow we are going to put on our fanciest clothes,"
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"go down to the biggest agency,"
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"and do a series of leg and arm poses"
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"to project confidence and get you an agent."
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"All right! I'll try it."
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"He's here to see an agent, please."
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"What are we doing exactly?"
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"Trust me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"If you're confident on the outside,"
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"good things will happen."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I don't know."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Why are you keeping this important man waiting?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Right this way."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Would you like a water? - No, thanks."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I hope he does well in there."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He prepared a monologue from an episode of Maury"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"where this guy was afraid of peaches."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, Maury."
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"Get them away from me!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The fuzz! The fuzz!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I like you, Titus. We represent Myron Affleck."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I want you to read for his Spidermen musical."
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"Get Myron on the phone. Try the pay phone first."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"If he's not there, try the car, where he lives."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Pardon my French, but, Au bon pain!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"How do I know you?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You don't."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, no, no, no, no. I've seen your face before."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Are you the girl from The Bachelor"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"whose butt prolapsed?"
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"No, I'm not. You've never seen me."
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"Oh, you're one of those girls from Indiana..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"the Mole Women."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Have you discussed life rights, reality show, porno?"
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"The Hole Women? Just saying."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Do you remember New Jersey Tanning Mom?"
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"- I can do that for you. - Do what?"
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"Get your face everywhere..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Magazines, talk shows, a show where you and Flavor Flav"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"drive across country staying in haunted B&Bs."
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"You are crushing it, Joshie!"
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"You know it, Joshie!"
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"I want a whole new face."
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"I have some."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Next."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus Andromedon, Kinetic Talent,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"reading for the role of Spiderman Number 12"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"All right, hit it, hot shot."
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"♪ And I will crush that Spiderman ♪"
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"♪ And then that other Spiderman ♪"
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"♪ And all the Spidermen ♪"
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"♪ Till I'm the Spiderman ♪"
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"Five, six, seven, eight."
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"Let's try you in the flying rig, guy."
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"Oh, my balls!"
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"My balls! My ball..."
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"I'm sorry, Myron, what are you looking for here?"
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"We just want to see if you can continue acting"
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"after being struck by a falling Spiderman."
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"Look, there they are."
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"All 50 Spidermen!"
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"All right, thank you, pal."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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