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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Goes to the Doctor! (S01E01)

"How did the auditions go?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Amazing."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"For more information, press one."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Beep!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I had just completed my audition,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"when the director himself stood up"
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"and asked me to leave because I did not get the part."
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"But who did I see on my way out?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Just talk to the director. Please, just..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What are you doing here?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Are you auditioning for this?"
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"Please."
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"I just left something in my dressing room"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"from when I starred in this theater's last production"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"of Tony Danza's Big Fat Italian One-Man Christmas Carol."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So that's just your natural crotch structure?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus, wouldn't you like to know..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My balls! My ball..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So you didn't get the part, but your enemy did,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and you're happy about that?"
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"Yes, don't you see?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"If Coriolanus has to audition"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"for the same humiliating roles as I do,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"then that part he stole from me wasn't the big break"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"that I thought it was."
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"Which means your big break still hasn't happened yet."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm so happy for you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I love you both so much,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"even though I don't always say it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Thank you, Lillian. - Oh, we love you, too."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Huh?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, no, no. Wheel of Fortune."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
""I'm so happy for you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I love both of you so much,"
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"even though I don't always pay it?""
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"Oh, my God, what a moron!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Hello? - Hi. Yes."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"May I please speak to Cyndee, please?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm sorry, but Cyndee's been missing f..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, wait... Old habit."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Cyndee, phone!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Hello? - It's Kimmy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I think you should come visit me in New York."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I will crush"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That Spiderman"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And then that other Spiderman"
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"And all the Spidermen"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Till I'm the Spiderman"
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"Spidermen, we're at it again"
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"This time with 50% more Spidermen"
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"Oh, yeah"
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"Not quite a bug"
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"Not quite a man"
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"How do I break out from this Spiderman clan?"
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"I want to be proud"
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"I don't want to hide"
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"Don't trap me in a cup and put me outside"
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"With all those other"
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"Spidermen, we're at it again"
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"This time with even more Spidermen"
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"Another 50 Spidermen"
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"A trillion spider eyes"
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"We may be spiders"
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"But we're dropping like"
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"Flies"
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"Good night, everybody!"
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"I can't believe what people just leave on the street."
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"You mean trash?"
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"Why would someone throw out a perfectly good TV?"
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"Ariel, this thingamabob is not gonna work."
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"Ever since I stopped paying my cable bill,"
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"my TV's just been a conversation piece."
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"People say, Titus, why do you have a nonworking television"
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"in your house?"
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"And then the magic begins."
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"Good job, little girl."
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"I knew you could do it, because you believed in yourself."
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"I know! But Titus doubted me."
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"- What channel is this? - Don't worry about it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Unbreakable ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ They alive, damn it ♪"
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"♪ It's a miracle ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Unbreakable ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ They alive, damn it ♪"
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"♪ But females are strong as hell ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Unbreakable ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ They alive, damn it ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ It's a miracle ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ Unbreakable ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"♪ They alive, damn it ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's gonna be, uh..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you know, a fascinating transition."
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"♪ Damn it ♪"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It smells like lavender, oh, and the beach."
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"Yeah, it would be a great place to bring a baby."
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"Yeah."
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"Ew."
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"Buhbreeze."
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"Cover it up, it's fine."
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"Jeez, do people not clean their homes in the future?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Stop calling this the future."
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"What did you talk about?"
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"You were interviewing her out in the open?"
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"You don't think my boss has something to do"
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"with that missing girl, do you?"
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"Turn it off."
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"Turn off the TV."
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"But I'm watching Law Squiggle Order!"
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"I said turn it off."
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"That man is my nemesis."
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"Richard Belzer?"
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"He seems so nice."
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"No, him."
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"The dollar-store version of this."
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"Kimmy's professional work phone."
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"Hey, Kimmy, it's me."
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"- Who? - Cyndee..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Pokorny."
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"From the bunker?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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