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Clips from Master of None - Mornings (S01E01)

"What would your penis be called?"
Master of None
"Um..."
Master of None
"-Charlemagne. -Wait, Charlemagne?"
Master of None
"Yeah, he's dignified."
Master of None
"Okay, I see that."
Master of None
"What's her name?"
Master of None
"Beatrice."
Master of None
"Beatrice and Charlemagne?"
Master of None
"All right, I like that."
Master of None
"Hmm."
Master of None
"Hey, I have an idea."
Master of None
"How about we play a game to keep the room clean?"
Master of None
"If you catch any of my clothes on the floor or on the chair,"
Master of None
"I have to have, uh,"
Master of None
"an intimate conversation with Beatrice."
Master of None
"And if I catch any of your clothes"
Master of None
"on the floor or on the chair,"
Master of None
"you have to have..."
Master of None
"an intimate little chat with Charlemagne."
Master of None
"Hmm, that's a fun game."
Master of None
"I'm in."
Master of None
"All right. Boom."
Master of None
"[imitates explosion]"
Master of None
"Whoa!"
Master of None
"Look at this clean floor!"
Master of None
"It was a really good idea."
Master of None
"Ah!"
Master of None
"[laughs]"
Master of None
"[Rachel] All right, sounds good."
Master of None
"See you then. Bye."
Master of None
"Hey, can we go get dinner with my friend Megan tomorrow?"
Master of None
"She's moving to Thailand for three months, and I want to say goodbye."
Master of None
"Sure."
Master of None
"-What's she doing in Thailand? -I don't know."
Master of None
"She just wanted to live abroad for a little while."
Master of None
"It's pretty cool."
Master of None
"Nice."
Master of None
"Busted."
Master of None
"All right, come on."
Master of None
"That's Lupe, the housekeeper."
Master of None
"She folded them up. That doesn't count."
Master of None
"I don't know, man. Rules are rules."
Master of None
"I think you got to go down on Lupe."
Master of None
"No, that's not fair."
Master of None
"You know what's weird is that you would"
Master of None
"theoretically rather have a clean floor than me blow you,"
Master of None
"because if I just made a mess every day,"
Master of None
"I would have to go down on you all the time."
Master of None
"No, you don't understand."
Master of None
"Having a clean apartment, whew,"
Master of None
"that's like getting a tiny blow job anytime you see a clean area."
Master of None
"It's like, ooh, ah, ooh, ay, ooh."
Master of None
"Okay, well, somebody has to pay for those clothes..."
Master of None
"and I think it's you."
Master of None
"All right."
Master of None
"Text Lupe I'll go down on her."
Master of None
"Hi."
Master of None
"Dude, what are you doing?"
Master of None
"Just making sure everything's going all right."
Master of None
"You can't make silly faces."
Master of None
"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure I was doing a good job."
Master of None
"-You're doing great. -Can I get a juice break?"
Master of None
"[sighs] Stop."
Master of None
"All right, back to work."
Master of None
"Shut up!"
Master of None
"I'm going back in!"
Master of None
"Here we go!"
Master of None
"-Whoa! -[laughs]"
Master of None
"Okay, well, have a good trip,"
Master of None
"and just text me when you guys land, okay?"
Master of None
"All right, bye, Ma."
Master of None
"Love you."
Master of None
"Hey."
Master of None
"Can I ask you something?"
Master of None
"Yeah."
Master of None
"What do your parents know about me?"
Master of None
"Huh?"
Master of None
"I just noticed on your phone conversations with them,"
Master of None
"you never talk about me,"
Master of None
"but I talk about you with my mom all the time,"
Master of None
"so what do they know about me?"
Master of None
"I guess I don't talk about us much."
Master of None
"So they know I live with you?"
Master of None
"No."
Master of None
"But they know you have a girlfriend, right?"
Master of None
"Not really."
Master of None
"Not really?"
Master of None
"It's a cultural thing, okay?"
Master of None
"We just don't talk about that kind of stuff."
Master of None
"Dev, we've been dating for almost a year!"
Master of None
"You're such a big part of my life."
Master of None
"My parents know everything about you."
Master of None
"My mom DVRs TV shows,"
Master of None
"so she can fast-forward through them to watch your commercials."
Master of None
"How do they not know about me?"
Master of None
"Well, what do you want me to do?"
Master of None
"Do you want me to call them right now?"
Master of None
"No, it's fine."
Master of None
"If it's awkward, I don't want to make you do anything"
Master of None
"that you don't want to do."
Master of None
"But it just makes me feel like you're ashamed of me"
Master of None
"or something."
Master of None
"Look, it's different, okay?"
Master of None
"If you're a white person and you're dating somebody,"
Master of None
"you just call your parents and tell them, "Hey, I'm dating this person,""
Master of None
"and they're like, "Oh, great."
Master of None
"Let me invite him over"
Master of None
"and feed him, like, chicken and dumplings.""
Master of None
"[scoffs] Okay."
Master of None
"Hey, come on."
Master of None
"What?"
Master of None
"That's like the kind of tone people use when they've decided"
Master of None
"they're gonna murder the other person."
Master of None
"That's not nice."
Master of None
"That's like when someone's like,"
Master of None
""Okay, no more arguing."
Master of None
"I'll just chop their head off when they're asleep.""
Master of None
"Rachel, don't chop my head off."
Master of None
"[Dev] Hey, boo, come here!"
Master of None
"Come have some of this fresh juice!"
Master of None
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