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Clips from Master of None - Mornings (S01E01)

"That's in the kitchen. Things spill every now and then."
Master of None
"I'll clean it up later."
Master of None
"I'm just saying, I feel like"
Master of None
"you should be respectful of my place"
Master of None
"if you're gonna live here, you know, and be clean."
Master of None
"Your place?"
Master of None
"Hey, come on."
Master of None
"I'm living in your place?"
Master of None
"I'm sorry, I didn't know that I was staying in your place."
Master of None
"I thought this was our apartment."
Master of None
"I thought I was living here and we were living here together."
Master of None
"No, no, no, you know what I meant. You know what I meant. Come on."
Master of None
"-No, I don't know what you meant. -Don't do that."
Master of None
"Why don't you explain what you meant?"
Master of None
"I'm-- I meant..."
Master of None
"we're a team, and we're in this together, and we're a clean team."
Master of None
"Okay, don't try and save yourself with those bullshit phrases."
Master of None
"You think that I'm living in your place."
Master of None
"-No-- -Fine, you know what?"
Master of None
"I'll clean up the floor."
Master of None
"-Great. You know what? -Come on."
Master of None
"I'll be your maid."
Master of None
"[in a foreign accent] Oh, excuse me? Room service."
Master of None
"Oh, sorry, sir. You're here."
Master of None
"I heard you want the floor clean."
Master of None
"What?"
Master of None
"All right, whatever accent you were just doing,"
Master of None
"it's very offensive,"
Master of None
"so you're a racist boo and a dirty boo."
Master of None
"Oh, my God."
Master of None
"There. Fine."
Master of None
"Floor..."
Master of None
"is... clean."
Master of None
"What are you even gonna do there anyway, huh?"
Master of None
"I'll tell you what I'm gonna do."
Master of None
"I'm gonna hold a plank pose-- ah-- for 30 seconds."
Master of None
"[panting]"
Master of None
"Sorry."
Master of None
"Ah."
Master of None
"Which-- Which-- Let's move together, like--"
Master of None
"-Okay. -Okay."
Master of None
"Okay, okay, there."
Master of None
"Do you want to go to the chair?"
Master of None
"[sighs] I don't know."
Master of None
"I'm kind of tired."
Master of None
"You should just finish."
Master of None
"Well, I don't want to finish if you're not gonna finish."
Master of None
"Okay, well, you don't have to finish."
Master of None
"Well, neither of us finish? That just seems sad."
Master of None
"Okay, then just finish."
Master of None
"No, it's okay."
Master of None
"I'm kind of tired, too."
Master of None
"All right."
Master of None
"[groans]"
Master of None
"[sighs]"
Master of None
"[bells jingling]"
Master of None
"Hey, so I picked us up a little treat"
Master of None
"at Babeland yesterday."
Master of None
"Ooh, Babeland?"
Master of None
"Early Christmas present."
Master of None
"-Intrigued? -Why, yes."
Master of None
"Get ready for..."
Master of None
"The Liberator."
Master of None
"What is this? Is it a pillow?"
Master of None
"No, it's a firm wedge so we can get different angles."
Master of None
"Check it out."
Master of None
"You get the wedge up in here,"
Master of None
"and then you can hit these different kind of angles."
Master of None
"You see?"
Master of None
"Don't they look like they're having a blast?"
Master of None
"[laughing] Wait, why do we need this?"
Master of None
"The guy at the store said it was their best-selling thing."
Master of None
"Why are you making fun of it?"
Master of None
"It's just a pillow."
Master of None
"We have, like, eight of these."
Master of None
"No, no, it's not a pillow."
Master of None
"It's a firm wedge."
Master of None
"Okay, stop saying "firm wedge.""
Master of None
"Fine, I'll throw it in the fucking trash."
Master of None
"Wait, wait, calm down."
Master of None
"What's going on?"
Master of None
"Are you trying to spice things up?"
Master of None
"Yeah, I'm trying to spice things up."
Master of None
"Because we used to have, like, crazy, amazing sex all the time."
Master of None
"You know?"
Master of None
"And now I feel like it's pretty routine."
Master of None
"It's like a little bit of this and then a little bit of this"
Master of None
"and then a little bit of this, and then we're done."
Master of None
"Okay, first of all, ouch,"
Master of None
"and second of all, who says that going in"
Master of None
"at a different angle is gonna solve anything?"
Master of None
"All right, the guy said this was"
Master of None
"their best-selling thing by far, okay?"
Master of None
"I'm just trying to improve our sex lives."
Master of None
"Okay, well, here's an idea."
Master of None
"How about you stop rubbing your eye every time you shove your junk in me?"
Master of None
"-What? -Yeah, you're always like..."
Master of None
"It's distracting."
Master of None
"Okay, well, sometimes my contacts get dried, okay?"
Master of None
"Well, take them out."
Master of None
"No, because then it would be like I'm fucking someone blurry."
Master of None
"[sighs] Okay, why don't we just go return it"
Master of None
"and go pick something out together?"
Master of None
"No, I can't return The Liberator."
Master of None
"Babeland has a very strict return policy"
Master of None
"for obvious reasons."
Master of None
"[sighs] It's fine."
Master of None
"I'll just use it for lumbar support when I'm watching TV."
Master of None
"Wait, what?"
Master of None
"Great. Well, now I'm liberated from back pain."
Master of None
"Ooh, nice bumps."
Master of None
"What?"
Master of None
"That's your butt."
Master of None
"Bumps is what I called my butt when I was a little boo."
Master of None
"Oh, well, thanks."
Master of None
"You have nice bumps, too."
Master of None
"Thank you. I'm quite proud of my bumps."
Master of None
"I have an idea."
Master of None
"We should name our other body parts."
Master of None
"Why have we never done this before?"
Master of None
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