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Clips from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

"One moment. Did I not just spy a golden head with sky-blue eyes on yon balcony?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Oh, that one. A recent arrival from Crete. A virgin."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- A virgin. - Is that good?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Only today she was sold. - Sold?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Then receive, O bosom, thy fatal blade."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Behave yourself. She was sold?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Yes. To the agents of a Roman captain. He claims her this very day."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Today! - She cost 500 minae."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Then receive, O bosom, thy... - Put your bosom away."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- You say she just arrived from Crete? - Yes."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I hope the captain is kind to her. She deserves a bit of affection before..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Tragic, is it not? - What? What's tragic?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- The news from Crete. - What news?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Why should I darken your day? Farewell, Lycus."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- What is the news? - What news?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- The news from Crete? - You force me to tell you."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Crete is being ravaged by a plague. People are dying by the thousands."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"This girl is healthy. She smiles through the day."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I thought you knew... when they smile, the end is near."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- No. - Yes."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I'm told it is lovely now in Crete... everyone lying there, smiling."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Is it... is it contagious?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- You ever see a plague that wasn't? - What about my other girls?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"You'd best get her out of here."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Yes. But where? How? - I'll take her before the captain arrives."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Capital! I'll go fetch her. Why should you risk...?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Because I've already had the plague. I would tell you all about it, but..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"No. I'll go fetch her. Don't go away."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Pseudolus, I'm to be with her!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Until the captain arrives this forenoon. - Yes."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Wait. - Yes?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- A brilliant idea. - Yes!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"That's what we need, a brilliant idea."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Go, go! Get a move on. No, don't touch that pillar. Go, go."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Mind your breathing... just inhale. Go, go."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Pseudolus, how kind you are. I shall not forget this."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Someday I shall repay you, for you, Pseudolus, are a true friend."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"And you, Lycus, are a gentleman and a procurer."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Psst!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"To the garden, and break the news that you're gonna run away to marry her."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Won't I catch the plague? - There is no plague. We made that up."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Clever of us. - Wasn't it?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I'll hie myself to the harbour to hire a boat. Hoe you to the garden."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"You hie... and I'll hoe."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Good luck."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- My name is Hero. - My name is Philia."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- I've often seen you. - I've often seen you, too."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I've watched you undressing at night. Only from the waist up. It's a high window."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"You have beautiful legs."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"What?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Oh."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"You do, too."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I imagine, I mean."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I would show them to you, but they're sold."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I cost 500 minae. Is that a lot of money?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Yes. - More than 300?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Nearly twice as much. - Three and five, they always mix me up."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I hope the captain doesn't expect me to do adding."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"You can't add?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"We're taught charm and grace, and no more. I cannot add or spell or anything."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I have but one talent."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I'm lovely"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"All I am is lovely"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Lovely is the one thing I can do"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Winsome"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"What I am is winsome"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Radiant as in some dream come true"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Oh"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Isn't it a shame?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I can neither sew nor cook"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Nor read nor write my name"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"But I'm happy"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Merely being lovely"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"For it's one thing I can give to you"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Philia, say my name."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Just say your name? - Yes."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Very well, then."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I've forgotten it."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"It's Hero."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Forgive me, Hero. I've no memory for names."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"You don't need one. You don't need anything."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"You're lovely"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Absolutely lovely"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Who'd believe the loveliness of you?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Winsome"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Sweet and warm and winsome"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Radiant as in some dream come true"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Now Venus would seem tame"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Helen and her thousand ships would have to die of shame"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"And I'm happy"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Happy that I'm lovely - Happy that you're lovely"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"For there's one thing loveliness can do"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"It's a gift for me to share"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"With you"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Psst! Psst!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Master Hero, put that down."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Hysterium, this is Philia."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Never mind who she is, who is she? Where did you find her?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- In the house of Lycus. - A courtesan? No!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- I am a virgin. - Of course."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Master Hero, bid farewell to this person so that she can go about her... business."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- No, no, no. Pseudolus said... - Pseudolus? I might have known it!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"A passage to Thessaly for two at the first tide."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- In one hour. - Good. Now, care to play for the boat?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"How dare you! Arranging an assignation between a boy and a you-know-what!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"There's something about that you-know-what you know not."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- What do I know not? - That girl is my daughter."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Your what? - You've heard me speak of her."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Never. That girl is not your daughter. - My sister?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- I go tell his parents. - Wait!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"He insisted on meeting her, but she was sold to a captain who claims her today."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"What can happen in an hour?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"At his age? The mind boggles. I go tell his parents."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- I go with you. - You wait till I tell them about you."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"No. You wait till I tell them about you."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Tell them what about me? I am a pillar of virtue."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"It may be of interest that their pillar of virtue, their slave-in-chief,"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"has secreted in his cubicle Rome's most extensive collection of erotic pottery."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"When did you acquire that large fruit bowl with the frieze of the...?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Pseudolus..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
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