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Clips from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

"That breeder woman, has she been thrown a mate yet?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Alas, she refuses just any slave. She demands to choose."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Choose? She'll breed and like it, like everyone else. Almost everyone."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"We caught your runaway slave. Now he dare challenge our right to execute him."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I'm a family slave. What's the good of that if you're executed by strangers?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- He is correct. We shall torture him. - See how they look after their own?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Hold your tongue. Thank you, Officer."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Now, what can we devise? Something suitable and lingering."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- May I suggest...? - You may not."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Hang him. - Hanging is too good for him."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Much too good. - By the feet?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"That doesn't hurt much."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Hanging by the feet while being lashed. They hate that."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"They should hate that. If I suggest that we try to find some other method,"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"it is only because I happen to be completely impervious to physical pain,"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"and I can't stand the thought of spoiling your pleasure."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- I thought you were impervious to pain. - Not my own."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Ah!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- You like him? - I like him."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Have him. Congratulations, your life has been spared."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"May it be long, healthy and productive."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Productive as a breeder?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Hang me."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"This is your house. Come, come."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Well, visit at any time, dear neighbour."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"No obligation to buy, just come in and browse."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Senex! Come away from that house of shame."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I was only just standing here and saying "Shame, shame.""
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"For your own good, Hysterium, look after Hero."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Shh!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- What brings you up here? - I was trying to get in..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"In there? You must never know what goes on in that house."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- But I do know. - You do? Isn't it amazing?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Pseudolus, I'm in love! - Well, that's very..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"In love? You? Who is she?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Sometimes you can see her in that window."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"A common courtesan in the house of Lycus?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Is that disgraceful? - It doesn't sound like an achievement."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I don't care. I will give anything for her. Anything."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- You really love that girl? - Oh!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I like the way you said that."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Master Hero, you cannot buy her... at your age you're not allowed to buy her..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"but suppose someone with tremendous cunning could arrange for her to be yours."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Yes."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"If that someone could arrange it, what would you give me?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I will give you everything I own."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"But what do you own? 20 minae, a collection of seashells... and me."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Yes."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Forget about the minae and the seashells. Just give me me."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Give you you? - My freedom."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Pseudolus, people do not go around freeing slaves every day."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Be the first, start a fashion."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Get me that girl. - And if I do?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- You are free. - I am what?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Free. - Free!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"If I've told you once I've told you a hundred times,"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"do not fan the girls when they're wet!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"But you'll never learn. You'll be a eunuch all your life."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Oh! You bitch!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I know that sound. And I love it."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Ugh! You. How did you come into money?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"An unexpected legacy."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"My uncle Simo, the Carthaginian elephant breeder, came to an untimely end."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"He was crushed to death on the last day of the mating season."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- This morning I bought my freedom. - Congratulations... citizen."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"With this much left over for one gross indulgence."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Lycus, I am in the market for a lifetime companion."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I say in all modesty, I have an assortment of beauty second to none, and... Who?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"My former young master. Thought I'd further his education."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"He's bored with picture books. You understand?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Who better than I? Come in, little boy, won't you?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Eunuchs, quickly. A buyer!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Was 1 a good year?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Now, for your approval and possible purchase, from out of the East,"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"with the face of an idol, the arms of a willow tree, the pelvis of a camel:"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Tintinabula."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Was this the one?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"No."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Don't you have anyone in there a bit less noisy?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I have."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Vibrata. A desert bloom of indescribable beauty. Lithe as a tigress."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Wondrous as a flamingo. For he whose interest is the wildlife."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Thank you."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- No. - Uh!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Frankly, I was hoping to live past my wedding night. She seems a bit too..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"No matter. I understand."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Consider the Gemini: a matched pair."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Look at them... either one a divinely assembled woman,"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"together, an infinite number of mathematical possibilities."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"No."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I'm a man of limited means, and I don't suppose you'd want to break up a set."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I couldn't. You do understand?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Completely. Do go on."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"And on, and on, and on, and on, and on."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Enough! I know what you want. Behold Panacea."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Panacea, whose face holds a thousand promises,"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"and a body that stands behind each promise."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"No."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Don't misunderstand... it's the proportions. I love the breadth, it's the length."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"She may be the right length, but is she right for me? You see what I mean?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Isn't she a bit too short? - Definitely not."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Too tall? - That's where you're perfect together."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Yes, but how often will we find ourselves in this position?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"No need to compromise."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"My final offering: Gymnasia, the silent woman."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"A giant stage upon which a thousand dramas may be played."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"You can speak with her?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Whilst a child I had a nurse from the Isle of Silent Women."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- May I have my foot back? - You poor child."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Pseudolus! - Yes, darling?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Do you want your freedom?"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- More than ever. I'll take her. - That's not the one."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"But yours isn't here. It's not nice to walk out without buying..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I want my..."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"If you must squabble, do it in a place of less character."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"I know your type: shoppers."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Please don't touch the merchandise. It shows every mark."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Courtesans, back to your quarters. I'll be back for noonday prayers."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"Move. Do you mind? Out! Please, quickly, out. Both of you, go."
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
"- Quickly, out. Out. - There she is!"
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
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