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Clips from The Great North - Say It Again, Ham Adventure (S02E02)

"We'll be hard at work adding a podcast arm"
The Great North
"to our video production company, Pause For Applause."
The Great North
"Oh, I just listened to one about co-parenting adult children"
The Great North
"with Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito."
The Great North
"No offense, Judy, but I would rather die"
The Great North
"- than listen to that. - He said it."
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"But, yeah, we're focusing on the true-crime genre."
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"All that stands between us and a big podcast hit is selecting"
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"which of Alaska's horrific unsolved crimes to cover."
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"It's gonna be dangerous and dangerously profitable."
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"Crispin and I are gonna be pretty busy as well."
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"He's gonna help me redo my coming-out."
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"Uh-oh. Did we do something wrong?"
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"No. You guys did everything right."
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"You didn't make a big deal out of it."
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"Yeah, you did it too right."
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"So he's looking for just that little bit"
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"of drama that he missed out on."
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"I get that. As one of Alaska's preeminent allies,"
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"I take extra responsibility."
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"How can we help? What, specifically, do you want"
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"from your ideal redo coming-out?"
The Great North
"Hmm. For starters, I guess I'd like a classic, sharp gasp."
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"Oh, um, I'd also love to encounter someone"
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"who simply can't believe it."
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"Um, a shattered fragile item interests me. Uh..."
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"Ooh, and I've never had to immediately respond"
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"to an offensive question like, "But who's the woman?""
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"So that could be fun, but I'm flexible."
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"I mean, no one person could check all those boxes."
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"Actually, Ham, they just might."
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"And you may not have to look outside of our family."
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"You happen to be related to one of the most uptight"
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"and judgmental people on Earth:"
The Great North
"Cousin Danica. She's uniquely awful."
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"As a family, we took a trip to the zoo,"
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"and she kept whispering "whore" at any animal with kids."
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"Wow, Ham. Oh, sounds like she's gonna hate that you're gay."
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"- Exciting. - Oh, yes."
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"She's always hated everything about me."
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"I mean, sure, marrying your mom"
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"wasn't the smartest thing I ever did,"
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"but when Danica sent back Moon's baby announcement"
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"with "please make it stop" written on the back,"
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"I cut off contact for good."
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"Yet here I am, all these years later, still going."
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"What do you say we pay her a visit tomorrow?"
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"She's all the way down in Orca Bay,"
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"so we'll want to leave bright and early."
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"Oh, Dad, I'd love to, but I kind of got"
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"a lot on my plate with this whole re-coming-out thing."
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"She's the one you're gonna come out to, sweetie."
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"Oh, yeah. That makes way more sense."
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"I was like, "Random.""
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"All right, every true-crime podcast"
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"is only as good as the creep it investigates,"
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"so we got to pick the perfect criminal."
The Great North
"Ooh! How about the Moose Mixologist?"
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"This guy used to feed high-proof cocktails to moose,"
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"then unleash them on the people"
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"of Downtown Fairbanks-- to trample them."
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"Wolf, you know stampedes are one of my biggest fears."
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"How did Jumanji get that PG-13 rating?"
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"Thousands of elephants smashing explorers"
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"into human jelly with their enormous feet? No, thank you."
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"I'm sorry to have even mentioned it,"
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"my hippo-phobic hottie, and I will also gently offer"
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"that you may have misremembered some of Jumanji."
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"Okay, how about a down-the-middle serial killer?"
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"The Orca Bay Slicer."
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"This killer, most likely a lady,"
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"just lived to kill rich guys in their cars."
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"Oh, wow. Says here that after she killed them"
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"she would chop off their wieners and leave"
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"a hot dog in their laps as a calling card."
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"Okay, girl, I'm listening."
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"Yeah. Profilers, quote, "believe that the hot dogs"
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""either represented the men's penises"
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"or that the Orca Bay Slicer just simply loved hot dogs.""
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"A patriarchy-hating hot dog enthusiast?"
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"Girl, we could've been best friends,"
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"but then you went and did all those murders."
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"So, instead of eating hot dogs with you"
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"and discussing the right way to do"
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"a Mystic Pizza musical adaptation,"
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"I got to investigate you."
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"And since she was last active in Orca Bay,"
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"we can drive down to Cousin Danica's separately"
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"and stop for hot dogs-- I mean clues-- along the way."
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"Okay, we're getting close, so remember:"
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"we get in, Ham says he's gay, she judges Ham, then we get out."
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"We're looking for a gasp, some shocking remarks,"
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"and I would really love it if her shoes flew off."
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"Improbable, maybe, but I would still love it."
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"It would be wonderful if she jumped through a closed window,"
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"leaving her exact silhouette."
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"She might even rip off her brooch and throw it at you."
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"Imagine if it lodged in your cheek."
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"A dream."
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"I'm glad you guys are excited, but, Ham,"
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"if the judgment is too harsh,"
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"we can get the hell out of there."
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"You just say the word."
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"Okay, but instead of saying the word,"
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"can I say a fun phrase like, "Where's my soup?""
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"or "Get these ants off of me!""
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"Okay, update: If Ham says, "Where's my soup?""
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"or "Get these ants off of me," we all head for the door."
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"Danica, you nincompoop."
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"I could've sworn I put this away."
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"So, Beef and family."
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"Wow, you all look much better in pictures."
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"Thank you for allowing us to stop by on such short notice."
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"I told the children they simply must meet my favorite cousin."
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"Well, the feeling is not mutual, but come on in."
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"I've placed blankets on the couches you can sit on."
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"I assume you don't wipe well."
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"Wow, Danica, your house is very brown."
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"Yes, brown's my favorite color."
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"All the other colors are so desperate for attention."
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