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Clips from United States of Al (2021) - Dog/Spai (S01E01)

"Oh, great. Now I got to run power to this thing?"
United States of Al (2021)
"You weren't planning to?"
United States of Al (2021)
"All right, I'm checking out."
United States of Al (2021)
"I got to take a shower for my date."
United States of Al (2021)
"Ooh, that's setting a dangerous precedent."
United States of Al (2021)
"I like this woman. I want to smell good."
United States of Al (2021)
"[sighs] I don't want this."
United States of Al (2021)
"Stop bringing it to me."
United States of Al (2021)
"[scoffs]"
United States of Al (2021)
"Playing fetch?"
United States of Al (2021)
"No. I am trying to get rid"
United States of Al (2021)
"of this disgusting wet ball, and he keeps bringing it back."
United States of Al (2021)
"That's fetch."
United States of Al (2021)
"Okay. What is it called when you throw the ball"
United States of Al (2021)
"and he doesn't come back? I'd like to play that game."
United States of Al (2021)
"You're trying so hard to be grumpy,"
United States of Al (2021)
"but how can you resist his cute little face?"
United States of Al (2021)
"Oh! I hope you're happy."
United States of Al (2021)
"No one will marry you now."
United States of Al (2021)
"You promise?"
United States of Al (2021)
"It starts with licks,"
United States of Al (2021)
"but once it gets a taste, it will bite your face off."
United States of Al (2021)
"Then you'll be the girl at school with no face."
United States of Al (2021)
"Only 20 people a year die from dog bites."
United States of Al (2021)
"A hundred die from coconuts falling out of trees."
United States of Al (2021)
"How do you know this?Google, dude."
United States of Al (2021)
"Well, I think it's repulsive"
United States of Al (2021)
"you let a filthy animal lick your face."
United States of Al (2021)
"A dog's tongue is cleaner than a human's."
United States of Al (2021)
"Oh, yeah?Mm-hmm."
United States of Al (2021)
"Look where its clean tongue is now."
United States of Al (2021)
"I'm gonna go wash my face."
United States of Al (2021)
"You're not making it any cleaner."
United States of Al (2021)
"Ooh!"
United States of Al (2021)
"I hope you like brie."
United States of Al (2021)
"Mm, it's hot cheese. What's not to like?"
United States of Al (2021)
"[couch squeaks]"
United States of Al (2021)
"That wasn't me."
United States of Al (2021)
"I know. It's the leather."
United States of Al (2021)
"Oh. It's a real nice couch."
United States of Al (2021)
"It's awful. I hate it."
United States of Al (2021)
"And I hate it, too."
United States of Al (2021)
"My ex picked it out."
United States of Al (2021)
"He thought it was funny that it made fart noises."
United States of Al (2021)
"Well, not to brag, but none of my furniture farts."
United States of Al (2021)
"[laughs softly]"
United States of Al (2021)
"Was that his, too?"
United States of Al (2021)
"Nope, that's my grandma's."
United States of Al (2021)
"You're kidding.Mm-mmm."
United States of Al (2021)
"One shot, 150 yards."
United States of Al (2021)
"We had venison hamburgers for, like, two years."
United States of Al (2021)
"[chuckles] How about that."
United States of Al (2021)
"Any left?"
United States of Al (2021)
"[laughs softly]"
United States of Al (2021)
"Man, that is one happy kid."
United States of Al (2021)
"Of course she's happy."
United States of Al (2021)
"She's a child. She doesn't know anything."
United States of Al (2021)
"Hey, do me a favor. Will you stick your lower lip out?"
United States of Al (2021)
"Why?That's how we pout in America."
United States of Al (2021)
"I'm not pouting."
United States of Al (2021)
"I'm just concerned about everyone's health and safety."
United States of Al (2021)
"Well, there's nothing to be concerned about."
United States of Al (2021)
"How do you know the dog is not carrying some kind of disease?"
United States of Al (2021)
"We gave it a bath. [clears throat]"
United States of Al (2021)
"Okay, so if I brought home a raccoon,"
United States of Al (2021)
"I could keep it as long as it had a bath?"
United States of Al (2021)
"[sighs] Yeah, I'd consider it."
United States of Al (2021)
"Look, I wish you'd just take a moment"
United States of Al (2021)
"to appreciate how great this is for Hazel."
United States of Al (2021)
"Don't pretend this is about Hazel."
United States of Al (2021)
"This is about you trying to make her mother look bad."
United States of Al (2021)
"Yeah, and it's working. Like, surprisingly well."
United States of Al (2021)
"I'm glad you're so pleased with yourself, but you know me."
United States of Al (2021)
"This creature and I cannot live under the same roof."
United States of Al (2021)
"So, you are going to have to choose."
United States of Al (2021)
"It's either him or me."
United States of Al (2021)
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
United States of Al (2021)
"I'm just trying to figure out where else you could live."
United States of Al (2021)
"Thank you so much."
United States of Al (2021)
"Come on in. I'll open a bottle of wine."
United States of Al (2021)
"I don't drink."
United States of Al (2021)
"I know."
United States of Al (2021)
"I am also very concerned that if it bites Hazel"
United States of Al (2021)
"and she doesn't get the shots,"
United States of Al (2021)
"a small dog the size of an ant will grow inside her stomach."
United States of Al (2021)
"Right behind her belly button."
United States of Al (2021)
"How am I just learning about this?"
United States of Al (2021)
"He's not serious."
United States of Al (2021)
"I am very serious. My mother told me this when I was child."
United States of Al (2021)
"His mother told him this when he was a child."
United States of Al (2021)
"[scoffs]Look,"
United States of Al (2021)
"this is just typical Riley."
United States of Al (2021)
"He thinks he can do what he wants"
United States of Al (2021)
"and saying sorry will fix everything."
United States of Al (2021)
"That's what he tried to do with me."
United States of Al (2021)
"I think saying sorry shows great strength"
United States of Al (2021)
"'cause you're not afraid to be vulnerable."
United States of Al (2021)
"Not now.Sorry."
United States of Al (2021)
"It's 'cause Riley thinks he's always right."
United States of Al (2021)
"Boy, does he. Did you ever try to fold his T-shirts?"
United States of Al (2021)
"Yeah, once. I folded them right side to left side,"
United States of Al (2021)
"which, apparently, is against regulations."
United States of Al (2021)
"He had me taken off laundry detail."
United States of Al (2021)
"I said, "Excuse me. I am trying to do you a favor.""
United States of Al (2021)
"Yeah, and then he'll say, "It's not a favor"
United States of Al (2021)
"if you do it wrong."If you do it wrong."
United States of Al (2021)
"[scoffs]"
United States of Al (2021)
"I just got chills."
United States of Al (2021)
"And you know, there's an even bigger pothole"
United States of Al (2021)
"on the corner where the IHOP is."
United States of Al (2021)
"Every time I drive over it, I'm like,"
United States of Al (2021)
""when the hell are they gonna fix this thing?" [laughs]"
United States of Al (2021)
"Got half a mind to show up there"
United States of Al (2021)
"with a truck full of sand and fill it myself."
United States of Al (2021)
"That'd show 'em."
United States of Al (2021)
"Well, it's a temporary solution."
United States of Al (2021)
"Ultimately, there was probably an underlying drainage issue"
United States of Al (2021)
"and, oh, my God, why am I talking about potholes?"
United States of Al (2021)
"[laughs]"
United States of Al (2021)
"I didn't want to ask."
United States of Al (2021)
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