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Clips from Modern Family (2009) - He Said, She Shed (S09E09)

"I love all my children equally."
Modern Family (2009)
"Bup, bup, bup, bup! That's winner water."
Modern Family (2009)
"Whoa, whoa. What's going on, Cam?"
Modern Family (2009)
"I was gone for 45 minutes,"
Modern Family (2009)
"and now our living room's a beauty salon?"
Modern Family (2009)
"What, do you have a pit crew or something?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Ooh, look at you using "pit crew" in a sentence like a boy."
Modern Family (2009)
"Is this all for Lily's party? You..."
Modern Family (2009)
"I thought we were just gonna do pizza and a movie."
Modern Family (2009)
"Okay, there are 12-year-old girls coming over here."
Modern Family (2009)
"Do you remember how mean and judgmental Haley was at that age?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Yeah, I faked being sick that Thanksgiving."
Modern Family (2009)
"I was too scared to eat corn in front of her."
Modern Family (2009)
"Of course you were."
Modern Family (2009)
"The only word she said to me that entire year was "ew.""
Modern Family (2009)
"Anyway, Lily wants to impress these older girls,"
Modern Family (2009)
"so I set up a full-service salon to do makeovers."
Modern Family (2009)
"And you're qualified to do that because...?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Okay, my uncle was in the business"
Modern Family (2009)
"of mules appear younger for sale,"
Modern Family (2009)
"so I think I know a thing or two about hair and make-up."
Modern Family (2009)
"Hi, hi. I brought y'all some stuff"
Modern Family (2009)
"- for Lily's party. - Oh, my God."
Modern Family (2009)
"Thought you might not want to get into your own stash."
Modern Family (2009)
"I know how pricy your lady creams are."
Modern Family (2009)
"Okay, she's lashing out because I inherited Mama's skin."
Modern Family (2009)
"And I got Daddy's strong flickin' finger."
Modern Family (2009)
"- Don't do it! Don't! - Cam..."
Modern Family (2009)
"Cam, you said that you were gonna keep this small."
Modern Family (2009)
"See, now I feel like you didn't tell me about this"
Modern Family (2009)
"so that you could set it all up before I could say no."
Modern Family (2009)
"Okay, that is just not true."
Modern Family (2009)
"Not everyone is as calculating as you think."
Modern Family (2009)
"But, hey, I know where this is coming from,"
Modern Family (2009)
"and it's not your fault."
Modern Family (2009)
"Seriously? This again?"
Modern Family (2009)
"This sounds private."
Modern Family (2009)
"If you want me to leave, forget it."
Modern Family (2009)
"Okay, a-any time we have an argument,"
Modern Family (2009)
"Cam blames it on how I was brought up."
Modern Family (2009)
"My therapist says"
Modern Family (2009)
"that it's his way of deflecting responsibility."
Modern Family (2009)
"- You go to therapy? - Mm-hmm."
Modern Family (2009)
"You mean like one of those Woody Allen movies?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Plenty of people go to therapy."
Modern Family (2009)
"Not farm folk."
Modern Family (2009)
"We solve our own problems, not that we had many."
Modern Family (2009)
"That's right, because you had a storybook childhood."
Modern Family (2009)
"I never said "storybook," although one time"
Modern Family (2009)
"I did come home to a family of bears eating our porridge."
Modern Family (2009)
"Don't make us sound like hicks. It was Tuna Helper."
Modern Family (2009)
"But we did have our share of problems."
Modern Family (2009)
"- Ah! - Problems? What problems?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Uh, Mama and Daddy?"
Modern Family (2009)
"It's not like they had the perfect marriage."
Modern Family (2009)
"Thank you. Thank you."
Modern Family (2009)
"I knew there was stuff. Everybody has stuff."
Modern Family (2009)
"No, there is no stuff."
Modern Family (2009)
"She's just making this up to get under my radiant skin."
Modern Family (2009)
"If you don't know what I'm talking about,"
Modern Family (2009)
"I'm not gonna tell you right before you host a big ol' party."
Modern Family (2009)
"Oh, no, no. We've got time. Come on, come on. Let's hear it."
Modern Family (2009)
"You don't remember that time Daddy didn't live with us for a year"
Modern Family (2009)
"'cause he was shacked up with that diner waitress"
Modern Family (2009)
"- Jannie Sue Butler? - Oh please."
Modern Family (2009)
"The only time Daddy ever left was to go to war."
Modern Family (2009)
"It was 1977. What war, Cam?"
Modern Family (2009)
"The V... Hmm?"
Modern Family (2009)
"He left us 'cause he turned 40, he got his first liver spot,"
Modern Family (2009)
"and that bimbo reminded him of the Bionic Woman..."
Modern Family (2009)
"mostly on account of her fake arm."
Modern Family (2009)
"Oh, did you really not know this?"
Modern Family (2009)
"What?"
Modern Family (2009)
"I did not realize how big that was gonna be."
Modern Family (2009)
"Cam, hey. Y-You're okay, right?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Cam, I-I-I can't face these 12-year-olds by myself."
Modern Family (2009)
"12-year-olds? I got to change my shirt."
Modern Family (2009)
"They're already angry."
Modern Family (2009)
"Um, okay. Uh..."
Modern Family (2009)
"What are you guys doing?"
Modern Family (2009)
"- Putting up our batting cage. - Oh, careful."
Modern Family (2009)
"It's really easy to get caught in the net."
Modern Family (2009)
"Okay, well, you may want to take a beat."
Modern Family (2009)
"Mom went down to the HOA meeting to fight for her shed."
Modern Family (2009)
"- Uh-oh. - I only hope she keeps her cool"
Modern Family (2009)
"and accepts their decision."
Modern Family (2009)
"Yeah, based on her long history of letting things go."
Modern Family (2009)
"Dad, we have a problem."
Modern Family (2009)
"If they did, we'd be having this conversation"
Modern Family (2009)
"in the front seat of a giant hot dog."
Modern Family (2009)
"- I am the HOA. - What?"
Modern Family (2009)
"I intercepted Mom's application"
Modern Family (2009)
"and forged a rejection letter from the board."
Modern Family (2009)
"- Why?! - Because you told me to."
Modern Family (2009)
"When did I tell you to do that?!"
Modern Family (2009)
"Ah, yes! Yes!"
Modern Family (2009)
"All those Magic Eye posters paid off! Ah!"
Modern Family (2009)
"This sucks."
Modern Family (2009)
"Who knows? Maybe the HOA board will reject her application."
Modern Family (2009)
"Things have a way of working themselves out."
Modern Family (2009)
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
Modern Family (2009)
"I think so."
Modern Family (2009)
"- You gave me the signal. - What signal?!"
Modern Family (2009)
"That wink when you want me to secretly take care of something."
Modern Family (2009)
"Of course I was winking. I was just in a staring contest."
Modern Family (2009)
"Wait. Did you say you've done this before?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Do you think Alex's cello set itself on fire?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Oh, my God."
Modern Family (2009)
"I got to get down to that meeting before your mother..."
Modern Family (2009)
"Untangle me quickly!"
Modern Family (2009)
"Wait. Was that a wink?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Do you not want me to untangle you?"
Modern Family (2009)
"D-Do you want me to untangle you slowly?"
Modern Family (2009)
"There's no signal!"
Modern Family (2009)
"Refreshing cucumber water? No?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Refreshing cucumber water? No?"
Modern Family (2009)
"- Are you thirs... -Hey, you're doing great."
Modern Family (2009)
"Just don't get nervous and turn all red."
Modern Family (2009)
"Do I do that? Am I doing that right now? Do people notice?"
Modern Family (2009)
"Okay, you're not 12. It's okay."
Modern Family (2009)
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