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Clips from Abbott Elementary - Ava vs. Superintendent (S01E01)

We've been taking appetizer money

"We've been taking appetizer money"

Abbott Elementary

and giving these kids a charcuterie experience.

"and giving these kids a charcuterie experience."

Abbott Elementary

Don't give us the money because we need it.

"Don't give us the money because we need it."

Abbott Elementary

Give it to us because everyone at Abbott deserves it.

"Give it to us because everyone at Abbott deserves it."

Abbott Elementary

- Hmm. - Hmm.

"- Hmm. - Hmm."

Abbott Elementary

DENZEL: Well, thank you, Principal Coleman.

"DENZEL: Well, thank you, Principal Coleman."

Abbott Elementary

Uh, that was a very... passionate plea.

"Uh, that was a very... passionate plea."

Abbott Elementary

(door opens)

"(door opens)"

Abbott Elementary

(indistinct conversations in distance)

"(indistinct conversations in distance)"

Abbott Elementary

Well?

"Well?"

Abbott Elementary

Okay, sis!

"Okay, sis!"

Abbott Elementary

- I did that! - And that's on what?

"- I did that! - And that's on what?"

Abbott Elementary

- Period! - (laughing)

"- Period! - (laughing)"

Abbott Elementary

Okay, what's happening?

"Okay, what's happening?"

Abbott Elementary

I mean, (clears throat) good job, Ava.

"I mean, (clears throat) good job, Ava."

Abbott Elementary

Thank you, subordinate.

"Thank you, subordinate."

Abbott Elementary

So, our girl really did a good job, huh?

"So, our girl really did a good job, huh?"

Abbott Elementary

Surprisingly, yes.

"Surprisingly, yes."

Abbott Elementary

Ooh! So we get the funding we need?

"Ooh! So we get the funding we need?"

Abbott Elementary

No, of course not.

"No, of course not."

Abbott Elementary

As long as Ava's at Abbott and I'm the superintendent,

"As long as Ava's at Abbott and I'm the superintendent,"

Abbott Elementary

you never will.

"you never will."

Abbott Elementary

She blackmailed me.

"She blackmailed me."

Abbott Elementary

It's kind of hard to get over being blackmailed.

"It's kind of hard to get over being blackmailed."

Abbott Elementary

You know, he's not wrong.

"You know, he's not wrong."

Abbott Elementary

I haven't spoken to my blackmailer in two years.

"I haven't spoken to my blackmailer in two years."

Abbott Elementary

Do I miss my sister? Yeah, every day.

"Do I miss my sister? Yeah, every day."

Abbott Elementary

Look, if it wasn't your school suffering, it'd just be another.

"Look, if it wasn't your school suffering, it'd just be another."

Abbott Elementary

Don't be mad at me, be mad at the system.

"Don't be mad at me, be mad at the system."

Abbott Elementary

I am mad. I'm really mad.

"I am mad. I'm really mad."

Abbott Elementary

I'm glad I caught you before you left.

"I'm glad I caught you before you left."

Abbott Elementary

I talked to my office, and I have good news.

"I talked to my office, and I have good news."

Abbott Elementary

- Oh, really? - Mm.

"- Oh, really? - Mm."

Abbott Elementary

Regarding?

"Regarding?"

Abbott Elementary

Regarding the fact that Abbott will be a recipient

"Regarding the fact that Abbott will be a recipient"

Abbott Elementary

of the Advancement Grant this year.

"of the Advancement Grant this year."

Abbott Elementary

(gasps) What a surprise.

"(gasps) What a surprise."

Abbott Elementary

After 10 years of impeccable applications,

"After 10 years of impeccable applications,"

Abbott Elementary

we suddenly find ourselves worthy.

"we suddenly find ourselves worthy."

Abbott Elementary

How wonderful.

"How wonderful."

Abbott Elementary

Yes, it is...wonderful.

"Yes, it is...wonderful."

Abbott Elementary

Ah. See you in church on Sunday.

"Ah. See you in church on Sunday."

Abbott Elementary

And every Sunday after that.

"And every Sunday after that."

Abbott Elementary

Hmm.

"Hmm."

Abbott Elementary

Barbara, this is great!

"Barbara, this is great!"

Abbott Elementary

JACOB: What are we gonna use the grant for?

"JACOB: What are we gonna use the grant for?"

Abbott Elementary

I mean, which programs go? Which ones stay?

"I mean, which programs go? Which ones stay?"

Abbott Elementary

This could get very stressful.

"This could get very stressful."

Abbott Elementary

Okay, you need to stop thinking about this,

"Okay, you need to stop thinking about this,"

Abbott Elementary

because you're gonna break out in hives.

"because you're gonna break out in hives."

Abbott Elementary

Because this is a decision for our principal.

"Because this is a decision for our principal."

Abbott Elementary

Stop looking at me like that.

"Stop looking at me like that."

Abbott Elementary

If anybody hugs me, I'm turning down the grant.

"If anybody hugs me, I'm turning down the grant."

Abbott Elementary

Did you...

"Did you..."

Abbott Elementary

Did you shake someone down for me?

"Did you shake someone down for me?"

Abbott Elementary

I shook someone down for us, ya big gabootz.

"I shook someone down for us, ya big gabootz."

Abbott Elementary

Guboonza? Garbanzo.

"Guboonza? Garbanzo."

Abbott Elementary

Yeah, that's a bean, but thank you for trying.

"Yeah, that's a bean, but thank you for trying."

Abbott Elementary

(laughs)

"(laughs)"

Abbott Elementary

Sometimes you try something new

"Sometimes you try something new"

Abbott Elementary

for the people you care about.

"for the people you care about."

Abbott Elementary

The Lord helps those who help themselves.

"The Lord helps those who help themselves."

Abbott Elementary

And he punishes those who have been helping themselves

"And he punishes those who have been helping themselves"

Abbott Elementary

to the church's petty cash.

"to the church's petty cash."

Abbott Elementary

Mnh-mnh-mnh.

"Mnh-mnh-mnh."

Abbott Elementary

I saw your little e-mail.

"I saw your little e-mail."

Abbott Elementary

I know. That's why I'm sitting here.

"I know. That's why I'm sitting here."

Abbott Elementary

Are you sure you wanna do this?

"Are you sure you wanna do this?"

Abbott Elementary

This job requires you to be cool and level-headed,

"This job requires you to be cool and level-headed,"

Abbott Elementary

and you ain't exactly known for keeping your composure.

"and you ain't exactly known for keeping your composure."

Abbott Elementary

I'm sure.

"I'm sure."

Abbott Elementary

This job means more responsibility.

"This job means more responsibility."

Abbott Elementary

Commitment. Emotional availability.

"Commitment. Emotional availability."

Abbott Elementary

I understand.

"I understand."

Abbott Elementary

Well, welcome to teaching full-time at Abbott, Mr. Eddie.

"Well, welcome to teaching full-time at Abbott, Mr. Eddie."

Abbott Elementary

Thank you.

"Thank you."

Abbott Elementary

What I'm looking forward to the most

"What I'm looking forward to the most"

Abbott Elementary

is having access to the H.R. department.

"is having access to the H.R. department."

Abbott Elementary

What's H.R.?

"What's H.R.?"

Abbott Elementary

- Captioned by VITAC --

"- Captioned by VITAC --"

Abbott Elementary

6:00 -- 7:30.

"6:00 -- 7:30."

Abbott Elementary